Inner Space

self esteem

Body Image Difficulties

Working Through Body Image Difficulties Mindfully

What are Body Image Difficulties? How many times have you found yourself scrolling through Instagram and feeling like you aren’t good enough?  You may feel your nose is fat, lips are too thin, eyes aren’t pretty, or that you are simply not fitting into the  ideal body type. Social Media can Negatively affect Body Image -this is where our insecurities stem from to give rise to body image difficulties. However it is important to remember that the images we see online are very different from reality. It’s not just social media though, you could also find that you are comparing yourself to the people in your life. It may be your siblings, parents, friends or colleagues. But don’t worry, you are not alone! It is important for you to create the space to understand yourself. Being kind towards your feelings and experiences is a simple first step toward dealing with body image difficulties. We can only appreciate ourselves when we take the time and space to understand ourselves. Let’s do an activity for you to create a kind of friendship towards your body and change the way you view yourself.  A Practice To Appreciate Your Body In this activity you will have to bring focus to the smaller sections of your body- thanking and appreciating it for what it does for you. Before starting your practice sit on a chair or the ground comfortably, with your eyes closed. Start by taking 5–10 deep breaths. Each time you breathe in, remember it is helping you to stay alive and well. Every time you breathe out, smile and relax your body a little. Now slowly bring your attention to the area covered by your hair. Your brain is one of the most vital organs in your body, and is working all the time. Appreciate what all it does for you. Smile at it lovingly and say, ‘I thank you for taking care of me every day.’ Now, stay connected, feeling the sensations in your face for a few seconds.  Similarly, turn your full attention to your face and gradually move your attention to your whole front torso, from your neck to your chest and belly followed by your back working your way up to the seat of the body and your legs. Once you have finished appreciating and thanking your entire body, take your attention to that one aspect of your body that disturbs you the most. Focus your full attention on that one aspect.  Now simply remind yourself again how your body works tirelessly to keep you well and functional. Is it not unfair to be upset about something so minor? Smile at that aspect of your body and say, ‘I am sorry, I have not loved you enough. I am sorry I have been unkind to you by disliking you. I will try to remember how kind my body is to me.’ Now smile at that part and stay connected to it, watching the sensations for a few seconds. End your practice by taking a few deep breaths, smiling and relaxing every time you breathe out. This is a beautiful way to mindfully learn to love and appreciate yourself and deal with body image difficulties. When you focus on remembering the wonderful ways in which your body supports you every day, even without you caring much for it, you will gradually start to love your body. Your body will also respond by healing and becoming healthier. Are You Struggling With Body Image Issues? Counseling can be a great tool for you to work on your relationship with your body and lead a happy, stress-free life. We are here for you. Book an Appointment Frequently Asked Questions Are Body Image Issues only limited to a particular gender? Body image issues can affect individuals of all genders. While body image issues are usually represented as a female issue, it is, in fact, an issue that can affect anyone. How you perceive your body is linked to your self-esteem and can often lead to mental health difficulties and disordered eating.  What are other ways to improve the relationship I have with my body? Developing a healthy relationship with your body can be difficult, but it isn’t impossible. Being compassionate with yourself and accepting yourself for your qualities and your flaws can help you improve the relationship with your body. Other ways to manage body image difficulties is to challenge negative, self-critical thoughts to produce more logical, rational, and positive ones. Also, if you feel like you need some professional help, it is always great to approach a mental health professional, like a therapist to help you with this.  Do cultural and societal standards impact body image? Certainly! Popular culture or the mainstream culture often celebrate an “ideal” or “perfect” version of how a person should look. This, is often an unrealistic standard that most people fail to meet. These societal standards can often perpetuate body image difficulties as people often try to be like these ideal versions, creating low self-esteem.  About the Author This article was written by Simran Sharma, Counselor at Inner Space. This post was consulted & approved by professional therapists practicing online therapy and counseling.  Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about body image and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Managing Difficult Thoughts Mindfully Body Image Issues In Adolescence: How Can You Develop A Positive Body Image?? Coping with Social Anxiety: The Fear of Being Judged

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offline retreat on self compassion

Being Friends with Yourself

We typically focus a lot on building good relationships with others. We are constantly trying to be ‘good enough’ so we can maintain our relationships with them.  However we tend to forget that one of the most important relationships is the one we have with ourselves, and the first step to this relationship is becoming friends with yourself.   Many times, we are around people who consistently point out our flaws and make us feel like we’re not good enough. While others’ opinions may not always be in our hands, it is important to remember that what we do control how we view ourselves. That is why it is important for us to maintain a healthy relationship with ourselves.  You can only cultivate this good, healthy  relationship with yourself if you try becoming friends with yourself.   This brings us to the question,  “What is your relationship with yourself? — Is it one of anxiety, doubt, criticism, OR is it one of love and friendliness?   Puzzled?  That’s alright! Questioning your Relationship With Yourself Most of the time, we are not aware of what kind of relationship we have with ourselves, and that may be because we have never looked at ourselves from a newer perspective.  We can easily change that by asking ourselves one simple question– “Are you a good friend to yourself?” Now to answer this question, you need to take a moment to recall a mistake you made in the past, whatever first comes to your mind, maybe something that makes you cringe at yourself. Think back to what was happening within your mind when you made that mistake and what you were telling yourself.  You might notice that you were saying things like “I am not good enough”, “How could I make a mistake?”, “What will people think about me?” and much more. Now ask yourself, would you have the same reaction if your friend made the same mistake? Probably not. There is a high chance that you would feel much more compassion for them.  You wouldn’t be so quick to  judge them or belittle them, instead  you would help them cope with their feelings by giving them space and comfort. The negative talk that you implemented on yourself would probably never come up for your friends.Now, imagine what would happen if you were able to give yourself the same level of understanding and support!   It is true that many of us do not have a very friendly relationship with ourselves to begin with. However, being friends with yourself is an important part of your life and a positive outlook can be cultivated through time and effort. Becoming friends with yourself will pay off as you will gain the most reliable, lifelong friend within yourself. Begin Your Practice Of Self Awareness & Well-Being With Our Free E-Book ‘First Few Steps To Mindfulness’ Click here An Activity- Becoming Friends with Yourself. Let us do an activity today to develop a friendship with ourselves. To begin with, try to experience what it would look like to change our self-talk.    Try to think of 5 things that are good about yourself and make a list of them.  It is often difficult to see the  good within us, so anything that you like about yourself, even the smallest thing, must be put down like; “I am enthusiastic.”  Try to think of abilities and strengths from your view point. You may think of examples which may or may not be visible to others. It does not matter what it is.   Step 1: Now take each of the points you have written and complete the following sentences. (For example, I appreciate myself for being enthusiastic.)  I appreciate myself for ……                       I appreciate myself for …… I appreciate myself for …… I appreciate myself for …… I appreciate myself for ……                        Step 2: Now visualize yourself sitting in a relaxed way, peacefully. Look at your imagined image for a few seconds. Then mentally say to your image each of the sentences in step 1.  Smile at your image after each sentence. Repeat each sentence as many times as you feel like saying it, or until you feel good about saying it.  After this exercise, notice how you are feeling. Were you able to wholeheartedly appreciate yourself for your gifts? Did you feel good about yourself?  Even if you did not, this is only the beginning. You are just getting started. You may not be great friends with yourself yet, but you have definitely taken a step on the path to becoming friends with yourself!   Devote 5 minutes everyday for this activity and begin your journey to being friends with yourself! Download this Activity share this blog! read similar blogs Individual Counseling Vs Couples Counseling: What Do I Choose? 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self-love image

Celebrate Self-Love This Valentine’s Day

Treat Yourself to Self-love Today and Everyday Love, romance, dating & relationships are some of the many buzzwords as we approach the month of February to celebrate as the greatest day of love Valentine’s Day. For some the run up to this day can evoke feelings of joy, togetherness and gratitude. For some it can bring up feelings of loneliness, painful memories, sadness and insecurity. For some it maybe a bag full of mixed emotions. It isn’t uncommon for the mind to navigate these emotions by getting lost in thoughts of self-judgment, blame and criticism. And while we imagine that this may lead us to finding a solution, it is more likely that we end up feeling more distant from the very joy we are seeking. So how do we inch a little closer to that sense of joy and love ? By directing that very love, care and support INWARD. So, this valentine’s-day take a small step to celebrate yourself, love yourself, care for yourself and be compassionate towards yourself. After all, “ You, yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha Why self-love? Because as humans we are wired for connection, validation and support. We are geared to seek all of this externally. Any gap between our expectations and our reality can create immense distress. What we often forget is that this same connection, validation and support can be fostered internally. Honoring your wholeness- acknowledging your strengths and accepting the inevitable imperfections that make you human can foster a sense of safety and emotional wellness. Moreover, loving yourself first and creating a deep, internal relationship can have a positive effect in multiple spheres of your life. Better Understanding of Your Own NeedsSelf-love creates space for what you may be needing to feel a sense of meaning and purpose in life. It entails identifying what you need, prioritising them and engaging in relations and activities that truly feel right for you. Honouring Your CapacitiesHow often do you beat yourself up for not being the perfect partner ? For not having the ideal relation ? For being single ? What results is a feeling of shame, guilt and unhappiness. With a little bit of compassion towards yourself you are likely to see that in the here and now you are doing well. You are also more likely to replace the harsh judgements with curiosity for why things are the way they are! Setting Compassionate BoundariesA little bit of self-love and self-care can go a long way in creating compassionate boundaries with your loved ones as well. You are more likely to preserve your own energy and protect your relations when you are kind to yourself. Kindness towards self also creates space for compassion towards our loved ones. Loving Others AuthenticallyIt is common notion that you can only give what you have and yet there can be times where we expend a great deal of energy loving others without directing some of it to ourselves. While this may help in the short run, it can evoke feelings of insecurity and exhaustion in relationships. Give yourself some of that kindness and care and you arelikely to experience your relationships with a lot more authenticity and joy. How can you love yourself? Self-love can be grown, cultivated and nurtured through simple actions that can foster greater emotional, physical and mental well-being. Here are some ways in which you can engage in small rituals to forge a loving connection with yourself this valentine’s day. 1) Forgive yourself for one mistake that you may have made. Remember to err is human. Forgiving yourself can actually redirect you to new efforts. 2) Recognise your strengths and give credit to your unique qualities that make you, YOU. 3) Compliment Yourself by tell yourself something that you would like to hear the most from others. This can look like telling yourself ‘I love you’, ‘You are doing well’ or even hugging yourself. 4) Practice self-affirmations. This can look like telling yourself “I may not be feeling good about myself, but I can do one kind thing for myself”; “I am feeling frustrated and I am building my tolerance for it”. 5) Practice simple self-care, taking time out for yourself, ensuring you are eating well and getting adequate rest. Give yourself the permission to step back, start over and relax!  Here is wishing you a lot more love, joy and connection this Valentine’s Day!

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Couples facing intimacy and sexual difficulties

Breaking the Silence on Sexual Difficulties

Sexual difficulties are about as common as eating or sleeping disorders. Research shows that sexual dysfunction affects about 43% of women and about 31% of men in the United States. Statistics for insomnia and eating disorders in the United States are not far behind. 30% of adults report at least short term issues with insomnia. Up to 30 million people suffer from an eating disorder. However, if you try searching for statistics of sexual difficulties in India, you will not see many search results. A search for statistics of eating disorders, however, will yield plenty of results! There is not much data on sexual difficulties in India. This shows that these difficulties are not spoken about enough. Instead, they are probably brushed under the carpet. Sexual Difficulties Are More Common Than You think If you experience sexual difficulty, chances are that you have felt isolated. You have probably felt that only you go through it, while people around you are having no issues. As a therapist, I can assure you that this isn’t true. If I were to think of the top 5 reasons why people approach therapists, issues pertaining to sexuality and intimacy would definitely feature as one. Issues such as difficulty getting intimate, intimacy not being pleasurable, couples not having had intercourse for years together, difficulty feeling aroused, sexual incompatibility etc. are fairly common. If you experience any of these, you are certainly not alone. Why, Are Then, Sexual Difficulties Not Spoken About? Sex and sexuality are typically seen as basic instincts that should “naturally” be in place. Moreover, the world around us seems to support this notion. Be it television series, movies, videos or books, sex is almost always portrayed as easy and natural. Even the stories we hear from those around us are about the awesome experiences they have had. There seems to be no space, no opportunity, for sexual difficulties to be discussed. Hence, having sexual difficulties can cause a lot of shame and self doubt. People who experience such difficulties can feel deeply unattractive, less masculine or feminine, less deserving of love and attention. They can harbor acute fears about being in romantic relationships, though they yearn for one. Sexual difficulties can make one feel that something fundamental is wrong with them. They then look for ways and means to fix the problem, trying one thing after another. However, one important factor about sexuality is often missed out, that is, sex is as psychological as it is physical. Sex Is As Psychological As It Is Physical Sex is about intimacy. It is about what happens to you when you reveal yourself, as you are, to another. It’s quite a handful, since it involves being vulnerable, open, powerful, free and more together. Sex begins with an instinct, but is influenced by a whole bunch of factors when it has to express itself. In therapy work with clients, we look deeper into what is preventing intimacy and we often discover that the reasons are more psychological than physical. Some of the myriad factors that can cause sexual difficulties are: Chronic childhood experiences that shape personality a certain way Chronic anxiety, brooding, constant stress and worry Self image issues – a low self image can have a direct impact on sexual expression. Body image issues – since sex and intimacy are bodily expressions, body image issues can also directly influence one’s confidence and freedom with sexuality. Openness about Intimacy in the family – We grow up watching how our parents treat intimacy for themselves, in their own lives. Sometimes we are also expressly taught how to view things like intimacy. Both things can impact how we relate to our own sexuality. Other factors are suppressed anger, difficulty expressing power or love, fear of losing people or relationships, insecurity, etc. The list is hard to cover. However this is indication enough that sexuality is psychological rather than simply physical. Having Trouble Talking About Your Sexual Difficulties? Counseling can be a great tool for you to open up about and overcome your sexual difficulties and lead a happy, stress-free life with your partner. We are here for you. Book an Appointment Reducing The Shame Around Sexual Difficulties It is important that we create an environment that feels safe enough for sexual difficulties to be discussed. Let each one of us play our part in reducing the air of secrecy and shame around it by understanding it with more perspective. Let’s be careful before we playfully belittle someone who has sexual difficulties;  trying to understand them better before we arrive at conclusions. If you have sexual difficulties, it is important to know that you are really not alone. Perhaps these issues mean that some part of you needs healing and expression. It is also important to remember that help is available. There are relationship and sex therapists who dedicatedly work with the psychological factors that underlie sexual difficulties. Rather than struggling with the shame and feeling alone, it is often far more beneficial to reach out to a professional. For sexuality is an expression of the self, the seed is an instinct, the manifestation is like a tree, affected by the sun, winds and soil.   Browse our Relationship Counseling Services: Online Marriage Counseling Session Online Premarital Counseling Services Online individual counseling services About the Author This article was written by Malini Krishnan, Counselor at Inner Space. This post was consulted & approved by professional therapists practicing online therapy and counseling.  Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about sexual difficulties and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Embracing Sex In Relationships Why Marriages And Relationships Work Inspite Of Problems Online Counseling For Couples: How It Works And Why It Can Be Effective

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Having a long standing grudge against your parents?

Have a Long Standing Grudge Against Your Parents?

The way you were brought up, the experiences you had with your parents and even your peer groups play a very important role in shaping you. You may have some complaints about your parents.  You may even have some grudge against your parents that has stayed with you for years. Maybe your parents did not understand you, maybe they compared you to other kids or your siblings. Maybe they did not give you enough time, maybe they were disinterested in your life, imposing an excess of restrictions and so on. Whatever the nature of the grudge, it leads to similar emotions. You might be angry, upset, sad or deeply disappointed about this part of your childhood. Sometimes, you are unable to confront your parents or have an open conversation with them about the way you feel.  As a result, these emotions remain bottled up and unaddressed. Sometimes, a long standing grudge even affects the way you see yourself. You wonder if you are less deserving of certain experiences. This might again lead to chronic sadness, anger or insecurity. It also affects your relationships with others. You could have difficulty expressing anger, confronting others, trusting others. You might remain apprehensive about your relationships. In some way, you are unable to be yourself freely. Is It Okay To Leave A Long-Standing Grudge Against Your Parent Unaddressed? Even a brief look at how this long-standing grudge is impacting you is enough for you to know that ignoring it only worsens it. The longer these feelings remain unaddressed, the more it will fester and continue to impact you. Different areas of your life will continue to suffer, making you suffer more. How Can You Begin Addressing It? It is difficult to hold a grudge against your parents. Your parents have moulded you, taken care of you, and raised you. Experiencing love and pointed sadness or anger towards the same person can get difficult. Hence, it is worth all its while to work with the grudge rather than letting it remain on snooze mode. Here are some ways of helping you work with the grudge and related feelings: Acknowledge It: The first thing you can do here is take a step back and acknowledge that you have a grudge that is difficult to tide over. Acknowledge each emotion you feel, even the difficult ones. Shoving difficult emotions under the carpet only makes the heart heavier. Talk Your Feelings Out: Try talking to someone about these emotions. Maybe a friend, a sibling, your partner or even a therapist. Support is very important when you address certain emotions after long. Confront Your Parents: Confrontation is difficult but it helps greatly to get things off your chest. Talk to them about how you feel and be honest while doing that. Try hearing what they have to say. You might get some answers and even if you don’t, things will be openly communicated, instead of remaining bottled up. Try to Empathize: Try taking them off the pedestal of parenthood for a minute and try to see them just as people. Just for the time being, put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their situation. It might help you understand their position and what caused their behavior. There are chances you might relate to what they were going through and understand why they were not able to do better. This will open up some space for your feelings to heal. Some things are hard to let go of. At the same time, coming to terms with your past will allow you to move ahead in life with far less burden. You will notice a change in your relationships and in yourself. If you cannot let it go completely, you don’t have to. But you can try working on it, so it does not stop you from enjoying your beautiful present and from making an even more beautiful future. Feeling Misunderstood When You’re With Your Parents? Counseling can be a great tool for you to manage and work through difficulties in your relationship with your parents. We are here for you. Book an Appointment Frequently Asked Questions Can Therapy help me work on difficult emotions I have towards my parents? Therapy can be a great tool to foster acceptance, forgiveness, and understanding, and work on your relationship with your parents. Therapy can offer you a safe space for working towards resolving any resentment or difficult emotions towards parents.  Will my therapist be partial and biased, and take my parents’ side? No, a professional therapist is neutral and impartial. Their role is to support you and help you work on your feelings and emotions related to the difficult relationship. Therapists do not take sides but instead work towards fostering better understanding and communication between family members. About the Author This article was written by Inner Space Team. This post was consulted & approved by professional therapists practicing online therapy and counseling.  Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about parent-child relationships and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Why We Feel Misunderstood The Gift Of Psychotherapy Dealing With Anger Mindfully

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defenses-of-rusty

DEFENSE MECHANISMS – DAY 8: RUSTY COHLE

Rusty is an intense character with a depressing past. He is shown to be a misanthrope, highly self-aware, truthful, responsible, messed up, cruel, obsessive, perceptive, intelligent – all rolled in one. But why are his defenses designed to keep him from experiencing happiness?

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defenses of dr. house

Defense Mechanisms – Day 6: Dr. House

Dr. House seems to be this bitter, grumpy, cynical middle- aged man full of pride and lacking empathy. However, we can surmise that this image is but a defense. In what ways does Dr. House manage to maintain an emotional distance when relating to others and why does he need to do it?

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defenses of carrie

DEFENSE MECHANISMS – DAY 5: CARRIE MATHISON

The very perceptive CIA Agent, Carrie, often digs out solutions that others may miss. She seems driven by her principles to catch the bad guys, and to uphold justice. In dealing with people who embody terrorism, she is objective and often ruthless. However, there are times when her objectivity can be questioned.

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defenses of phoebe

DEFENSE MECHANISMS – DAY 4: PHOEBE BUFFAY

Spiritual practices and beliefs help us in many ways. They give us a sense of peace and solace, when times are tough. They also help us foster gratitude and guide us in our daily lives. Who would ever think that a religious or a spiritual belief or practice, could be a defense mechanism? What is the Defense Mechanism of Spiritual Bypass? A clinical psychologist, John Welwood coined the term Spiritual Bypass: It refers to the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with our painful feelings, unresolved emotional wounds and developmental needs. When spirituality is used as a defense, it acts as an escape from accepting reality. Examples of how Spiritual Bypass may be used as a defense mechanism: A lady stuck in an abusive marriage says that her spiritual belief is to accept her destiny and fate. She needs to continue to serve her husband. She hides behind this belief and does not acknowledge the pain, helplessness and trauma she is undergoing. A gentleman who meditates regularly and does yoga. Every time anger comes into him he represses it telling himself that one should always be compassionate and anger is not the correct response for someone who is spiritually inclined. A person who has a very poor self concept, is not able to accept it and work with it. But suddenly develops delusions of being highly evolved as he or she practices certain religious rituals on a daily basis. How does Phoebe use the Defense Mechanism of Spiritual Bypass? Phoebe, from the popular sitcom, Friends, has had a pretty tough life: her mother committed suicide, she grew up on the streets and was even homeless for some time. She never knew her father, she and her twin sister don’t have the merriest of relationships. But despite all that she is strong, resilient and ever smiling with her new age quips and hippie wishes for world peace. Throughout the show; Phoebe is depicted as having several spiritual beliefs which serve her a lot of good. However, she uses these beliefs sometimes to avoid facing her true feelings. In this shot, we watch Phoebe break the news of her grandmother’s death: https://youtu.be/cCphb3vi6qI If you followed the show regularly you would recall that Phoebe was extremely close to her grandmother especially after her mother committed suicide. In this clip she uses the spiritual bypass to avoid the deep sense of loss and feelings of grief that might have been under the surface. She says that she will see her grandmother again and that she will probably meet her soon, not acknowledging the fact that in real life she will be no more. Here is another interesting clip. https://youtu.be/gL4-cIVeBA0 Here, Phoebe is probably missing her mother and is unable to allow herself to feel these sense of missing and loss. Her mother had committed suicide when she was very young, so she probably felt very abandoned. In this video clip she assumes her mother is a cat. She also expresses a fear of the cat leaving her. How can you tell if you’re using Spiritual Bypass as a Defense? In his book Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us From What Really Matters(North Atlantic Books, 2010), Robert Augustus Masters lists the symptoms of spiritual bypassing: Symptoms of Spiritual Bypass: exaggerated detachment, emotional numbing and repression overemphasis on the positive, anger-phobia. Blind or overly tolerant compassion weak or too porous boundaries, lopsided development (cognitive intelligence often being far ahead of emotional and moral intelligence debilitating judgment about one’s negativity or shadow side, devaluation of the personal relative to the spiritual, delusions of having arrived at a higher level of being.”   Also, what does one do if this is constantly occurring? The first step would be to notice each time you are doing it. The awareness can then lead you to understand what are the emotional wounds, unmet needs or things you are trying to avoid by using the spiritual bypass. Staying with those feelings would really help. A very important aspect of any spiritual practice or ritual is integrating it into our real lives. If you catch yourself building a wall around you or disconnecting from reality, you may need to ask yourself if you are really experiencing spirituality or are you merely intellectualizing it? And lastly, here is some advice from Thich Nacht Hanh: “Every time you give your internal formations a bath of mindfulness, the blocks of pain in you become lighter and less dangerous. So give your anger, your despair, your sorrow a bath of mindfulness every day—that is your practice. If mindfulness is not there, it is very unpleasant to have these seeds come up. But if you know how to generate the energy of mindfulness, it is very healing to invite them up every day and embrace them. And after several days or weeks of bringing them up daily and helping them go back down again, you create good circulation in your psyche, and the symptoms of mental illness will begin to disappear.” – Thich Nhat Hanh Post Contributed by: Michelle Pereira  Image Credit: Bright/Kauffman/Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Television

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The Art of Listening