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Cognitive Distortions: Reeling You In
“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”“The fault dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.”William Shakespeare We have always been told that situations don’t define us, but what matters is our attitude towards the situation. So then, what is the difference between someone who is able to take a negative event in his/her stride and someone who gets dragged down even by supposedly minor events? You’ll say “Ah! This one is easy! It depends on what we think!” Well, you are partially correct! The answer to this lies in not just what we think but how we think. In our Cognitive Distortions. What Are Cognitive Distortions? Cognitive distortions are irrational thoughts or beliefs that tend to distort our view of ourselves, the world around us and the future, usually in a negative way. Not all of us have the same distortions and not all of us have the same number of them. We also may use them selectively and with varying frequencies in different areas of our life. So then, is it really a thought problem or an attitude problem? Are people really choosing to think in this negative way? How about we look at this a little differently today? How about instead of looking at these distortions as evil and devilish, we look at them as our old- but- now- estranged- friends? Seems hard? Imagine a time when there was a perceived threat to you, real or imagined. That threat brought about some very strong feelings with it. There must have been sadness, pain, guilt, anger and shame that threatened to overwhelm your system. To save yourself from this, thought took over. A rational thinking pattern was put in place as a protective force, to save you from uncertain and possibly uncontrollable emotions. Thought then, became your friend. Slowly though, what happened was that this thought pattern and/or a series of others emerged and started being used very frequently, and in nearly each situation. So frequently, that their protective function was left behind and the thoughts became increasingly irrational and dominant. They became well integrated and enmeshed in your thinking patterns. They became distortions, maladaptive and overwhelming in their own right! Are they uncommon, then? No. In fact, cognitive distortions are very common and occur almost automatically – they don’t give us a choice! Our first response to an event or a situation becomes that! Then why can’t we identify them? That is because we don’t really know how to recognize them and how to look for them. These distortions then lead to feelings of sadness, guilt and shame or other so- called “negative” and not-fun emotions and tend to influence how we behave. Begin Your Practice of Self Awareness and Well-Being With Our Free E-book, ‘First Few Steps To Mindfulness’ Get Your Copy Knowing Myself Better : Identifying My Cognitive Distortions Take a look at the following descriptions and try identifying your cognitive distortions. Also, try imagining how you would end up feeling and behaving as a result of those. Remember, identification is just the first step! All or None or Dichotomous Thinking An individual with this thinking pattern usually looks at people/events/situations in absolute factors of either/or. So, something is rather good or bad, here or there, black or white. There is no middle ground. For example: “I failed in one paper. I am a total loser with nothing good in me.” “He did not talk to me today. I’m sure he is a terrible person” “Should” statements An individual with this thinking pattern has a majority of thoughts involving “should”, “must” or “ought to”. For example “She should’ve called me first” “I must lose weight to look more attractive” Catastrophizing An individual with this thinking pattern tends to assume the worst and sees anything negative as the worst, most terrible thing ever. For example:- “I missed one meeting, now they are going to fire me and I will never find another job” “This fight with my partner was terrible. I am sure we will break up and I will be alone, forever.” Magnifying An individual with this thinking pattern tends to blow things out of proportion and exaggerate negative events. This is similar to the saying ‘making a mountain out of a molehill.’ For example: “I made a spelling error on my test today. I am sure the teacher will fail me because of it.” “She did not text me today morning. I am sure she is angry and upset with me”. Minimizing An individual with this thinking pattern tends to minimize or give very little importance to positive events. For example: “Yes, I got a raise but it is not that big a deal and I’m still not good at my job.” “She complimented me today but I don’t think I am looking so good. Others look far better than I do.” Fortune Telling An individual with this thinking pattern tends to act like a fortune teller with a crystal ball, predicting the future, usually in a negative way. This individual arbitrarily predicts that things will turn out poorly. For example “I just know that all the tickets will get sold out even before we reach” “I just know that the team will lose tomorrow and our efforts will be wasted”. Emotional Reasoning An individual with this thinking pattern tends to believe that what he feels about the event or situation is the reality. So emotions about something are believed to be interpretation of the reality of the event. For example: “I’m feeling scared. This means there must be something dangerous here”. “I am feeling anxious about the exam. This means I am definitely going to fail.” Perfectionism An individual with this thinking pattern tends to strive for perfection in everything and in all areas of his life. For example: “My work assignment must be perfect. I cannot tolerate any mistakes”. “I have to try to be the perfect partner. I cannot
What to Do If Your Child is Afraid of Monsters?
What to Do If Your Child is Afraid of Monsters? “What if My 3 year old tells me he saw a ghost or monster? How should I respond? Should I ask him more about what he saw? Or should I divert his attention?” When your child is afraid of monsters, sometimes, you are not sure what the best response would be. You might wonder whether asking the child more would make him/her recollect what he saw and feel scared. On the other hand, will it help him talk it out and feel better? Well, as therapists, we would vouch for letting him express himself. The reasons for this are many:- Security: When your child is afraid of monsters, he feels better when he tells you about it. He knows that mom and dad know about this, and that they will protect him if needed. An entry point to resolving his fears: In order to help him with his fears, you have to first get to know them. When you listen to your child, you are likely to understand more about what is bothering him, and are in a better position to help him. Suppression is a silent pain you would rather avoid: Sometimes, you could momentarily distract the child, but he/she remains haunted by the memory of the monster in moments where he is alone. To add to that, he also knows that he cannot talk to you about it, because you do not approve of his being afraid of mere imagination; or, he knows that you will encourage him to pay attention elsewhere. He might try to do this himself. If he succeeds, he will probably cope in that way. However, if he fails, he is likely to move around with an unspoken fear that raises its head every now and then, and that is a painful feeling to have. It only makes him feel more afraid because he has to deal with this scary phenomenon all alone. You know you will not tease your child about it:– Your child’s friends are his age. They might pull his leg about being afraid of monsters. Sensitive children feel worse if this happens to them. On the other hand, if he speaks with you first about it, he gets a mature, caring response from an adult. This helps him feel reassured. Your reality is different than that of your child’s: Your idea of a monster is that of an imaginary thing, hardly scary, maybe even laughable. But your child does not see monsters or ghosts in the same faraway manner. For him/her, they are scary. Your child is probably worried about the possibility of them being real, and about how powerful they are. Because they are genuinely scared, they wish to talk it out. However, what if my child is repeatedly expressing a fear of monsters? Should I not try and divert his attention? If your child is very afraid of monsters, or speaks about it often, try and gently work on the fear. Speak to him about how even if monsters are powerful, they cannot necessarily out do humans. Talk to them about how ghosts are made to look scary on TV, because otherwise nobody would go watch them! Talk about your own fears as a child, and how you managed. This is likely to slowly lessen his/her fears. In sum, listening to your child and keeping in mind that their fears are very real for them will help you, irrespective of how you explain to your child that monsters and ghosts are not real, and will not hurt him/her. We hope this piece has helped some of you with questions you might have had. Feel free to tell us what you think, and what more you would like us to write about. Post Contributed By: Malini Krishnan
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