Anger is one of the most difficult emotions to deal with. It requires a lot of inner work with the self. One cannot help experiencing anger but can definitely deal with it in effective ways. We recognize this and so write self help blogs that will help you understand and manage anger in healthier ways.
Struggling with anger at work? Learn 5 simple steps to manage your emotions, stay calm under pressure, and maintain professionalism in the workplace.
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Passive-aggressive behaviour from certain people leaves us wondering what’s going on in our relationships with them. Do you ever feel like you’re constantly decoding cryptic messages? Does a friend “accidentally” forget your birthday after a conflict with them, or does your family member offer “helpful” suggestions that feel more like criticism? If yes, you are probably engaging with a person with passive-aggressive tendencies. Passive-aggressive behaviour leaves us wondering what’s happening and creates a feeling of helplessness, powerlessness, or even anger in us. But the good news is, that by understanding these tactics and developing clear communication skills, we can navigate these situations and build stronger connections. This article will equip you with 6 powerful ways to address passive-aggressive behaviour, transforming those frustrating mind games into direct and productive communication. The Meaning Of Passive Aggressive Behaviour Passive-aggressive behaviour is a pattern of suppressing certain emotions like anger, annoyance, jealousy, or resentment, instead of openly expressing them. When someone behaves passive-aggressively, there is a disconnect between what they say, and what they feel like. This is precisely why you feel perplexed when you talk to someone who displays such behaviour. Remember, if someone interacts with you in a passive-aggressive way, it’s not a personal attack. Often, this behaviour stems from an inability to comfortably express vulnerable emotions. Underlying causes of passive-aggressive behaviour can range from low self-esteem, and unresolved feelings to simply lacking the communication skills to express themselves effectively. While the silent treatment, a classic example of passive-aggressive behaviour, might seem intentional, it often reflects a struggle with emotional maturity and open communication. It’s crucial to remember that while this behaviour mainly impacts the person exhibiting it, understanding it empowers you to manage such situations effectively. By learning more about passive-aggressive tendencies, you can enter conversations with awareness and navigate them with greater ease. Examples of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour Let’s look at some examples of passive-aggressive behaviour. Backhanded Compliments The backhanded compliment is an insult that is masked as a compliment. It usually has two parts. For example, “You are so confident (Part 1)… considering the way you look. (Part 2)” Now, leaving the comment in the first part would mean that it is a compliment. When you hear the first part, you feel happy. However, the second part stings you as it shows the true intention of the comment. This way, backhanded compliments leave you hurt and confused. Denial This is a form of passive-aggressive behaviour that leaves you wondering if you are imagining things, or if you are crazy. Let’s say, you have a friend that is constantly avoiding you, being curt and serious with you, which is unusual as they aren’t like that with you. You can sense that they are angry, but when you ask them, they deny their feelings. This behaviour can make you overthink and start worrying that you have caused them to feel this way. Actions These are actions such as rolling their eyes, letting out a heavy sigh, looking away when you look at them, tight smiles, raised eyebrows, and clenched fists. These actions are a glaring sign of their inner frustration, jealousy, or annoyance which is masked by their words. Silent Treatment The silent treatment is another form of passive-aggressive behaviour where they avoid speaking and interacting with you. When you ask them what’s wrong, they either go into denial or say, “I am fine.” This mismatch between a very obvious sign of their anger and what they say can create more frustration and miscommunication in the relationship. Sarcasm With a hidden jab masked as humour, sarcasm conveys frustration or criticism indirectly, leaving you confused. While seemingly lighthearted, it can sting, creating distance and hindering open communication. This could look like jokes made at your expense, like saying, “Yeah, you look great!” with an eye roll, thus hiding their inner negative emotions with “humour.” Feigned Forgetfulness Have you ever collaborated with someone who seems to forget tasks consistently? You assign them a clear deadline, and when the time comes to review their work, they claim it completely slipped their mind. You try to be understanding and give them another chance. But a week later, the same excuse pops up – “Oh, I totally forgot!” This pattern of forgetfulness can be incredibly frustrating, especially when it starts to feel deliberate. It delays your progress and leaves you wondering if their forgetfulness is a passive-aggressive way of expressing something else, like resentment or defiance. Such communication patterns in the workplace can give rise to more tension and conflict between co-workers. Navigating Passive Aggressive Behaviour In 6 Easy Ways Are you frustrated and tired of these tactics? Struggling to find a way to respond to people behaving passive-aggressively with you? Here are 6 easy ways to navigate these tricky situations and protect your well-being: Keep calm: Reacting to passive-aggressive comments and actions from an emotional space only adds fuel to the fire. Try to mentally distance yourself from the situation and remind yourself that this behaviour is not your responsibility or a reflection of you. Give them space: If someone keeps avoiding and denying their emotions despite you knowing that they are angry, give them the space to process their emotions and wait till they reach out to speak with you. Set boundaries: Understand that their behaviour is not something you will have to live with. Clearly communicate what is unacceptable and the consequences of the behaviour. Avoid engaging in mind games: Do not try to decode the hidden meaning behind their actions and words. Instead, ask for clear, direct communication from their end. Look at facts, not feelings: Often, passive-aggressive behaviour is done to gain a sense of control over your emotions. By making you feel confused, frustrated, and responsible for their actions, they can place the blame on you. To overcome this, focus on stating concrete examples and how they impacted you, and avoid getting caught up in emotional accusations. Focus on your well-being: Disengage from their behaviour and engage in self-care activities
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Have you ever gotten angry at your parents for not letting you go out with your friends? Or on your friends itself, for not listening to you? You are not alone! Being angry is natural and we all experience it at some point. It can be a frustrating experience but the good news is you can deal with anger and gain some control over it with love and compassion. Being mindful and kind towards yourself is one of the most important steps to dealing with anger. Shifting focus mindfully, inwards and away from the person or situation, allows you to let go of the constant flood of thoughts that the mind creates. To help you deal with anger mindfully, there are a set of steps you can follow, so you can shift focus, mindfully regulate this anger, calm down and feel more in control. This activity given below can also be remembered as the PNAS practice Read also: Online Therapy for Anxiety Activity To Deal With Anger Mindfully Step 1: Pause When you feel anger, recognize your habitual pattern of dealing with it. Do you want to shut down or do you overthink or you want to react? Instead of giving in to your habitual tendency, try to pause. Take a few deep breaths. Ask yourself and your body how you are feeling. Let the answer come from within you. Step 2: Name it You already have a name for your emotion. Tell yourself, ‘I am angry now. I will simply spend some time knowing my anger.’ Promise yourself that you will decide what to do with the person or situation later. For now, you will simply attend to this feeling of anger. Step 3: Accept it “You are angry” –is the reality of the present moment. It is okay to feel angry for now. There is no question about whether you should or should not feel angry. Instead, just simply accepting it will suffice. Maybe you can say to yourself, ‘I am angry now, and it is okay.’ Step 4: Support it Remind yourself that you need your own affection and support now. Do a quick body scan. Notice where you might feel anger in your body. Your jaws may feel tight or you may feel heat on your face or elsewhere in the body. Anger is usually a high-energy emotion so you may feel like moving to express anger. Accept all the sensations in the body completely. Now that you can sense what the body is going through, you can actively support it. Support means allowing the body to feel the anger and helping it through a difficult time. It does not mean trying to stop being angry. Related Read: Online Meditation Course: 8 Weeks Mindfulness Meditation Begin A Practice Of Self-Awareness & Well-Being With Our Free E-Book ‘First Few Steps To Mindfulness’ Click Here Frequently Asked Questions How can anger impact my daily life? While anger is a normal healthy emotion, it can damage many areas of your life if you experience and express anger in an unhealthy way. Anger can impair social connections, your professional life, and many other areas of your life as it can cause strained relationships and misunderstandings. Can I eliminate anger from my life? Anger is an emotion that is essential for your survival, like the positive emotions of happiness and joy. The goal shouldn’t be to eliminate anger, but to create space for it and be comfortable with the experience of anger, and to find ways to manage it in a healthy way. When should I seek professional help for my anger issues? If you feel like your anger is impacting many areas of your life, and is causing issues in your relationships, and affecting your well-being, it is best to consult a mental health professional like a psychologist/ counselor to understand the concern and learn ways to manage anger. About the Author This article was written by Simran Sharma, Counselor at Inner Space. This post was consulted & approved by professional therapists practicing online therapy and counseling. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about managing anger and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Coping With Anxiety Using Mindfulness How To Practice Mindfulness Meditation? Benefits Of Mindfulness
Death Anxiety is not simply anxiety about dying but anxiety about not living meaningfully. Culturally, we are averse to talking of death. However, awareness of one’s finite time on this planet in this form is probably one of the most important factors for living meaningfully. What “living well” means is unique to you but it requires some deep exploration from your end.
If you are easily upset, angry or worried, chances are that you often try to control your emotions but they just burst forth, drenching and even drowning you in their strong gush. We all have those moments when we feel like we just cannot deal with our feelings and life seems just too much to cope with. Everything from the demanding boss to the rebellious child to the overcrowded trains gets to you, rubbing you in all the wrong ways and you find yourself losing your cool. How would you rather like to be? We would all like to be stronger and know better how control our anger. I’m sure that’s what you try to do every time too. However, more often than not, controlling anger is something that is easier said than done. How easy is it to keep calm and be rational when you feel like breaking things and screaming out or when you’re in the middle of a nervous breakdown? Managing Anger by Recognizing your ‘Triggers’ : A Step by Step Technique The first requirement in order to control anger better is knowing yourself better. You can then apply this knowledge and understanding to make life easier. A very important and often overlooked aspect of learning to manage anger is understanding what it is that makes this management difficult in the first place. What is it that is agitating you so much? We all have triggers, those sore/touchy spots which always manage to rile us, so we need to learn to work our way through them. Imagine yourself covered with a whole lot of buttons. Whenever anyone pushes one of these it triggers a strong emotional reaction and you end up reacting badly, losing control. Dealing with this sensitivity would be a 3 step process: 1. Identify your triggers : What makes you Angry? Doing the following exercise on paper would greatly help. Think back to the last few times you had an angry outburst and note: – What caused it? – What happened before it? What were the events leading upto it? – What else happened that day? – Who were the people involved in the conflict? – How were u feeling? Even if u cannot remember about the previous episodes, start making this list for the next few weeks. Patterns will emerge, providing you insight and access to your buttons. 2. Avoid your triggers So now that you have identified what it is that irritates you so much, work your way around it. If the traffic gets on your nerves, leave early. You can use the extra time to finish pending work or catch up on your reading. If being late makes you anxious and irritable, learn to be punctual and avoid procrastinating. You will be able to keep your cool much more if you are relaxed. If it is your partner’s tendency to nag which is upsetting you, talk to him/her about it. Try to solve the issue. If your wife or parent is repeatedly asking you to get a task done, just finish it in the first time so you don’t have to listen to it again and again, you know you’re going to have to do it eventually. 3. Address Deeper Emotional Problems If your anger seems to be stemming from deeper emotional issues, it needs to be addressed properly. If you see yourself getting angry when people don’t listen to you or don’t do as you want, check if you’re feeling disrespected or powerless. If you detest being told what to do, check for issues with authority. Do you find yourself thinking like ‘they always do this’, ‘he just doesn’t care’ or ‘why should I care when she doesn’t’? Most likely, you are storing past emotional hurt which gets relived on these occasions. It’s best to tackle such issues head on so they don’t have the power to affect you so much. While you can try to figure it out with a friend, guidance from elders in the family or even a counselor would help you greatly. Your triggers may have contributed to your difficulties controlling anger. However, recognizing and dealing with them, patiently and with perseverance, can build your inner emotional strength, helping you handle anger healthily. Post contributed by: Mahima Gupta (Psychologist, Inner Space, 2010-2012).
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Forgiveness is often seen and dismissed as a virtue of the saintly. Most people cling dearly to their anger, pain and sense of injustice. The choice of not forgiving might temporarily give you a sense of power – power to condemn, power to judge and hold the other person guilty, power of righteously being holier than thou. However, going one level deeper, one sees just how hollow and fictitious this power is. You are actually giving away your power, allowing the opposite person to push your buttons at will, to make you writhe in agony or cry in pain at a whim.
2nd April 2011, Saturday night. India lifted the cricket world cup …and we were in a frenzy of celebration! It was a “dream come true” moment for team India and many of us across the country. An utterly delicious icing to the cake….the cake being our win over Pakistan. MS Dhoni made a particularly interesting comment about cricket fans’ expectations after their win against Australia in the quarter finals – “we don’t care about the finals, just win the SEMI-FINALS!!”. Why not? Ind/Pak clashes are always mouth-watering….probably even more than the match where we actually bagged the cup. Let us think about this…which match instantly stirred up a bigger adrenaline rush in us and meant sheer excitement? Ind-Pak or Ind-Sri Lanka? For most of us, the answer would be the former. Why so?
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
A young woman from another country moved with her family to live for one year in a town near the monastery. When, in the course of the year she discovered the monastery, she would periodically visit to have discussions with the Abbess. The Abbess introduced her to meditation, which became very meaningful for the young woman.
When the family’s year-long stay was drawing to an end, the young woman asked the Abbess, “In my country there is no Buddhism and no one has even heard about meditation. How can I continue to learn and deepen the practice you have started me on?”
The Abbess said, “When you return home ask far and wide for who, among the wise people, is recognized as having the greatest ability to listen. Ask that person to instruct you in the art of listening. What you learn about listening from such a person will teach you how to further your meditation practice.
― Gil Fronsdal, A Monastery Within: Tales from the Buddhist Path
