The way you were brought up, the experiences you had with your parents and even your peer groups play a very important role in shaping you. You may have some complaints about your parents. You may even have some grudge against your parents that has stayed with you for years. Maybe your parents did not …
One of the major concerns that most parents today have is the prominence of social media and instant messaging in their teenager’s daily routine. Parents are genuinely worried that their promising teenager will neglect studies, household activities and while his time away. As psychologists, we understand your concerns. However, despite the much talked about adverse effects of social media, there is also some good news.
Most of you may have come across a child who is naughty and stubborn, who tends to be insistent on getting his way, so much that people have to give in to what he wants much of the time. Some of you may even live with one such child in your family. This article is an attempt to unravel what such a child thinks, feels and needs. There is a further article here that elaborates on how parents and caregivers can better understand and deal with these children.
Stubborn children get noticed in most places – at home for sure, also at school, at play, even in public places and restaurants at times, much to their parents’ despair. It is easy to notice them; however, is it as easy to understand them?
Stubbornness and difficult behavior have their own way of functioning. They exist in the child for a reason. Until this reason is understood, children cannot be helped completely to change these behaviors. What’s more, if these reasons are not understood and appreciated, well meaning parents and teachers can do more harm than good to the child.
I invite you here to-
Take a Peek into the Stubborn Child
I often come across parents of nuclear families these days that are juggling between work, home, and baby- sitters. They constantly ponder about the fact that their children would be raised better in the hands of their family members or grandparents versus a baby- sitter, or a care- taker. So are we blaming the changing …
Those of us who have children who are irritable and easily angered probably wonder why they are so short-tempered, why they snap back for everything we say and just WHY they are so aggressive. Most of the reasons we manage to think about center around stubbornness, immaturity, peer pressure, deriving pleasure out of rebellion and an irresponsible approach to life. Naturally, our approach towards correcting such behaviors stem from these reasons. We chide our children, give them repeated instructions and make repeated attempts to get them to obey and conform. However, if you have noticed, these may not have worked. You may see that your child still continues to defy and disobey. In fact, most of you may notice that the more you try to correct your child, the more defiant and oppositional your child becomes.
The Inner Space team announces a parent group session on communication with children. In any relationship, we understand what the opposite person thinks and feels about us only through what they communicate to us, verbally and non-verbally. This is perhaps why ‘telling it right’ is very important in a parent-child relationship too.
Coping and dealing with a child who has a developmental difficulty requires patience, understanding and firm inner resilience, which is why it is referred to as being relatively difficult. It takes us time to understand the nature of our child’s barriers to growth and then help them. But, what about a situation where we probably do not understand fully that our child is facing genuine barriers to growth?? What about when we attribute their problem behavior to their personalities and miss out on recognizing a mild form of a developmental disturbance?? This blog muses about these possibilities.
‘Self-esteem’ is, to put it simply, what an individual thinks of himself/ herself. Also known as ‘self-confidence’, self-esteem is a key determinant of how we feel about ourselves and the world. It drives our actions and choices and pretty much establishes how we live our lives. Think about that goal you’ve been longing to achieve but haven’t tried to so far. There’s something about that goal which is repulsive…or intimidating. The overt thought is “I want this and don’t want it at the same time.” In several cases, the underlying thought is, “what if I am not able to achieve it??” This ‘what if?’ is so threatening that we choose to ‘camp’ and to stop pursuing that goal.
‘Initiative versus Guilt’ is one of the eight stages of psychosocial development proposed by pioneering psychoanalyst Erik Erikson (1902 – 1994). Each of the stages described by Erikson constitute a milestone in personality development, wherein the child is faced with a primary psychological issue / theme/ conflict that he/she needs to resolve satisfactorily for healthy development of the personality. For eg., the conflict faced by the child in its first year is, “ Is the world a good and safe place to live in?” and in its second year is, “Am I capable of controlling my environment?”
Imagine a scenario, where you are an athlete, a runner and you have a coach who is giving you some last minute instructions before the race starts. Which set of instructions are likely to help you?
“Be attentive to all those around you, there are superior runners here. Some have won many such races in the past. They are medalists. Be very attentive to the whistle. Don’t miss it.”
“You have practiced what you could, now enjoy the run. Run freely with your whole mind and body. Don’t worry. Give your best.”