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The Calm Jar: An Effective Mindfulness Tool To Help Children Manage Stress

Leave a Comment / Parenting / Inner Space Team / March 19, 2022 / calming the mind, for children, meditation, mindfulness, parenting, relaxation, stress management

Often children find it difficult to manage the flood of thoughts and emotions that they experience while coping with a difficult situation or even while disengaging from a stressful day. They may end up throwing temper tantrums, withdraw socially, lose focus, cry easily or engage in other such venting behaviours. Managing these behaviours can sometimes get tricky for the parents. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was an easier way for children to learn to calm themselves and at the same time understand how their mind and body feel and react during stressful times? In my experience of working with children, using a calm jar serves both the purposes. I have noticed that children who find it difficult to sit and follow through any other activities find it easy to use a calm jar. It is interactive, interesting, playful and at the same time soothing. Hence this activity is a very important one in our Breathing Happiness Program, which helps children develop mindfulness and focus. Regular use of the calm jar gives children a clearer understanding of how their inner weather is and at the same time helps calm it down. With practice, their nervous system learns to rest even in stressful situations creating more space for the children to respond to a situation rather than act on an impulse and react. Here is how to make and use one for your child! Take a transparent, spill proof container. Add half cup warm water to the container. Add 3 spoons of transparent glue and half a packet of loose glitter of any colour of your choice. Stir it well and fill the remaining container with room temperature water. The Calm Jar is ready to use! How To Use It? Introduce the calm jar to your child by saying the following- This jar works just like our mind and body. When we feel stressed we find it difficult to stay calm. It feels like some storm has started in our mind and body. Let’s see what happens when we shake this jar up? (Let your child observe the movement of glitter and report what they see) Glitter is just like the feelings and thoughts that we get when we are feeling upset or stressed. It moves all around and makes it difficult to see through the water. It is important to let the jar rest for the glitter to settle down. Let us see how we feel when we observe the glitter settle down as we let the jar rest at one place. (Observe the glitter settling slowly. Observing the glitter calm down helps children as well as adults calm down physiologically.) We just learnt how to calm down by observing the glitter jar! Just like this calm glitter jar, we can also clearly understand how we are feeling if we take some time to calm down. Just like some glitter settled fast and some took more time we can also let our feelings and thoughts take as much time as they need. You can start practicing with your child by using this Calm Jar 1 or 2 times a day just to get more centered. Of course you can make it your go to support system whenever your kid is feeling overwhelmed. Even if your child does not cooperate, you can use it when you are feeling stressed. It’s a wonderful tool for adults to get centered too. You can follow it up by a small meditation practice. When your children see you using it, they will feel a little more comfortable to go to the calm Jar themselves too. Happy calming down! If you have any questions about the calm Jar or about practicing mindfulness yourself or with your children, do write to us in the comment section below or on our email. We are always happy to help! About the author share this blog! OverIndulgent Parenting: Are You Giving Your Child Too Much? “We give him everything but he does not listen to… Read More Inner Space TeamJanuary 31, 2015 PRESERVING THE PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP As parents, we are naturally concerned about our children. We… Read More Inner Space TeamDecember 4, 2011 TELLING IT RIGHT – TIPS FOR COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN Imagine a scenario, where you are an athlete, a runner… Read More Sadia SaeedApril 18, 2011

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Do you have PPD or Baby Blues?

Leave a Comment / Parenting / Inner Space Team / December 15, 2021 / depressed, managing depression, mental health, motherhood, parent child relationship, parenting, post partum, symptoms of depression

The arrival of your baby is no less than a joyous moment. The wait is finally over and you look forward to the next chapter of your life – motherhood. However, this burst of excitement can be overshadowed by feelings of sadness, despair, and mood swings. Around 70 to 80% of new mothers experience these feelings soon after giving birth and this is often referred to as ‘baby blues’. If thoughts like ‘what’s happening to me’ or ‘why am I feeling this way’ suddenly come to mind, know that you’re not alone and there’s a valid reason for it. What Are Baby Blues? Baby blues, occasionally referred to as ‘postpartum blues’ are feelings of sadness or unhappiness that many mothers experience post-delivery. Baby blues can be seen three to five days after the baby is born and you may experience certain symptoms for about a few weeks. Sometimes, baby blues and postpartum depression are used interchangeably. However, they aren’t the same. Baby Blues vs Postpartum Depression How are baby blues different from postpartum depression? Baby blues and postpartum depression differ when it comes to severity and duration of symptoms. While baby blues generally subside after few weeks, postpartum depression can last up to a year or longer. Symptoms Baby blues can manifest in different ways and can’t be equated to ‘just feelings of sadness’. Every mother is different – some may experience subtle and gradual feelings of melancholy while others may go through a sudden rush of different emotions. You may feel grouchy, unhappy, stressed-out, overwhelmed, and confused. Having experienced the calm and slowness of pregnancy to tending to the baby round the clock can come as a jolt, especially if you’re a first-time mother. Basic things like drinking coffee and bathing can get difficult, making this a phase of huge adjustment. How can you tell if you’re dealing with baby blues? Crying for no reason or crying over something like wearing a blouse inside out or taking a while to swaddle the baby. Feeling irritable for no apparent cause or getting angry and frustrated at something that would usually be easier to deal with. Ruminating about being trapped inside the room and no ‘me time’ may give rise to frustration since new borns requires mothers to be at their beck and call. Getting paranoid and scared almost all the time since the baby is delicate and fragile. This may look like: worrying about the baby’s health, obsessing about the quantity of breast milk, or being fearful of dropping the baby. Experiencing trouble sleeping due to the baby’s inconsistent sleep schedule, though this is something most new parents experience! Finding it challenging to focus on things required in the grocery list and trying to remember the exact location of the diaper bag or baby wipes. Having sudden episodes of panic attacks followed by feeling dizzy, nauseous, and out of breath. What causes Baby Blues? Hormones at play Given the fact that your body and mind have gone through many changes, you may experience a plethora of emotions. Hormonal imbalances in the body are one of the major factors of mood shifts. Fluctuating estrogen and progesterone levels post-giving birth are linked to mood changes resulting in baby blues. Life pre-and-post pregnancy Getting pregnant is a major life change to deal with. Some women accept this shift instantly while for a few, it takes a considerable amount of time for the feeling to sink in. So, if you were fussed over by family and friends for 9 months, and now suddenly see the focus shifting towards the baby can be a lot to take in visually and emotionally. Your pregnant brain Pregnancy alters the brain. The volume of grey matter in a pregnant woman’s brain changes to a large extent making it easy to recognize a woman who’s been pregnant to a woman who hasn’t via brain scans. When you’re pregnant, the pinkish-grey tissue in the brain that’s dense with neuron cells shrinks, and takes months to return to its pre-pregnancy size making you susceptible to baby blues. Unpredictable sleep patterns Sleep changes with a newborn are unavoidable especially during nighttime when the baby wakes up either because of hunger or for a nappy change or, simply because they are adjusting to the world outside. Since you require at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep, one can imagine how challenging it can get when you experience erratic sleep patterns. Managing Baby blues – What Can Help? Self-care – as best as possible Suffering from baby blues can feel overwhelming but can be managed. New motherhood is often accompanied by chaos and you may find it challenging to remember to eat. Ensure not to go beyond 3 to 4 hours without having a nutritious meal so that you prevent dips in your blood sugar levels. Nutrition during this time is of utmost importance as the body is simultaneously producing food for the baby in the form of breastmilk. Not eating during the day may exacerbate physical and mental challenges making it more difficult to get adequate nutrition if you’re suffering from baby blues. Some foods may help regulate mood so, set reminders on the phone to give yourself a gentle nudge to feed yourself enough throughout the day. Get Moving If possible and if time permits, start with giving your body some movement by taking a walk either at home or by taking a stroll outside. Once you start doing that, a change of scenery will help you shift your thoughts. Take a break Sleep when it’s possible especially when the baby is asleep. If that doesn’t seem doable, ask a partner or a family member to watch the baby while you snooze for 30 minutes to recharge your batteries. Power naps are effective and can help in making you feel better to take on the other half of the day. Seek help from family and friends. Let them know what they can do for you. See if they’d like to

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cyber wellness, phone, laptop, bullying, therapy

10 Tips for Parents to Ensure Your Teen’s Cyber Wellness

Leave a Comment / Teens / Inner Space Team / August 3, 2019 / for children, for teens, parenting, technology and social media

A study conducted in the US in 2018 showed that 45% of teens surveyed check their social media constantly. Youtube, Instagram and Snapchat are three of the most frequently visited online platforms in the world. In our ubiquitous digital world, these mediums become the platform for us to communicate and stay in touch with family and friends. The world wide web has also become extremely popular for online gaming and blogging. The internet can offer wonderfully supportive online communities that encourage exposure to unique ideas and perspectives. This also makes it imperative to sensitize your teenager to cyber wellness. When dealing with teenagers, it is essential that parents strike a delicate balance between parental supervision and teen independence. Teenagers can then learn the skills they need to navigate the captivating yet unpredictable digital world with parents providing them with supportive networks. Here are some tips for parents to ensure that teenagers are practicing cyber wellness. 10 Tips to Ensure Your Teen’s Cyber Wellness: 1. Monitor what your Teen has access to and how much time they spend online. You can speak to your internet service provider about plans that are best suited for your family. You can also establish rules beforehand about how long your child can spend online each day. It is essential that these rules are laid out in advance and not in response to an online transgression. 2. Develop a Healthy Dialogue with your kids about online safety. Speak to them about the importance of being safe online. You can use stories from the news or their own experiences as teachable moments to broach sensitive topics. You would also want to discuss topics such as sexting, pornography and cyber-bullying so that they are well aware of the impact and consequences of each of these. If they are discussing this with you in an open and honest way, chances are they will be less likely to turn to the web to get answers to their questions on relationships and sexuality. Teens are very inquisitive about these topics at this age and it is important to establish a precedent where your kids know they can come to you with these questions. 3. Keep Up to Date on the latest apps, social media trends and platforms that your teen likes to use. This will enable you to be more watchful of their activities online and you can be more mindful of the potential dangers of the apps. 4. Speak to them about Privacy Settings, Personal Information and Online Purchases. Advise them to never share their name, date of birth, phone number or address online. You can also discuss the privacy settings of their Facebook and Instagram accounts and encourage them to only add people that they know to their friends’ list. If they are making purchases online, urge them to use reliable websites that have reviews from other customers. 5. Model Appropriate Behaviour Online. Teenagers do not appreciate the age-old adage of “do as I say not as I do”. They are going to be following your every move. Model behaviour that is appropriate and similar to how you would want your child to behave online. For instance, stick to a time limit you have agreed on when surfing the net. 6. Encourage them to be Responsible and Respectful online. Kids sometimes say things online that they may not say face to face. Online anonymity gives them a free rein to say things that may be disrespectful or mean. Speak to them about being responsible and compassionate users. 7. Positive digital footprint. A positive digital footprint is the “footprint” we leave behind when we post or share content online. Kids don’t realize that something that they write or post online can be up there forever. So it is essential that they are prudent about the type of content they are putting up. 8. Show that you Trust them. Establish an environment of non-judgement and trust in your home. Speak to your teen about the importance of being safe and accessing content that is appropriate. Allow them to explore the digital world in the safe environs of your home. 9. Establish Rules about Internet Use for Everyone in the Family. For instance, you can designate certain areas in your house to be screen free and zones- this will discourage them from using their devices late at night in their room where supervision is limited. Screen-safe zones are areas where your teen can access the internet. These can be areas in your house that are common to everyone. 10. Downloading Content from the Internet. Teens need to be aware of the possible implications of downloading content such as movies or music illegally. Speak to them about accessing this content in safe and secure ways. Cyber wellness is closely linked to overall wellness, with both affecting each other, much like most forms of wellness are. Connect with your child to ensure his/hers and your wellness! Post Contributed By: Liz Cyriac. Liz is a counselling psychologist. She briefly worked with us and did therapy with children, adolescents and young adults.

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Are You Overprotecting Your Child?

Leave a Comment / Parenting / Inner Space Team / January 18, 2018 / anxiety in children, for children, managing anxiety, managing emotions, parent child relationship, parenting

The parent of today is quite different from the parent of 20 years ago. If you are today’s parent, you read up regularly, follow various parenting blogs and try to stay aware about the resources needed to raise a child effectively. You try your best to meet all your child’s needs be it at a physical, mental or social level. Many of you may have also decided on the kind of parent you would like to be. This could be based on the kind of parenting you have received as a child. “I’ll give everything I have not received to my child”, “I’ll be the best parent and will ensure that my child is always happy, protected and successful” are commonly expressed thoughts. Hence, you go through the first few years of parenting while painstakingly fulfilling every need of your child. When your child is bored, the next toy or game is readily furnished. When she is about to cry, her favorite youtube video is ready. If she refuses food, varieties of alternatives are present. If she is confused while reciting the alphabet, ready recitals are given. When she runs into a fight with another child, the parents are spoken to. Each problem is solved, each barrier, removed. Is this kind of Parenting truly Problem Free? Considering the degree of preparation and effort involved, you might expect that this kind of parenting would be least likely to create any problems for your child in their future. However, as a common consensus among psychologists, we find that this may not always be true. As overprotected children grow and enter middle childhood and teenage, psychologists find that many of them fall into one of two symptom buckets: One bucket is Anxious and Underconfident: These children are overly worried and have low self belief. They may have difficulty in making even smaller decisions with confidence. They may have difficulty taking initiative and be overly dependent on others to fulfill their needs. The other bucket is Self-Centered and Entitled: These children grow up with a sense of entitlement. They do not like to take responsibility for their actions and are looking at others to do things for them. They come across as self centered and are unable to build meaningful relationships. Observing these behaviors in your children, you worry and you question yourself– “Where am I going wrong? I am giving my child everything, every single time!” Not finding a satisfactory answer to this, you continue the same pattern of giving them whatever they need. This makes the problematic behavior even more pronounced. Looking into your pattern of overprotecting will give you an understanding of where the problem lies. Overprotecting Your Child: When You ‘Give It All’ When you take care of “everything”, you are unknowingly overprotecting your child. Every decision from the smallest, like what to wear, to the bigger ones like future plans, are highly influenced, or perhaps even taken by you. If your child ends up facing a problem, you have ready solutions that you want the child to implement. Sometimes, you may even implement it for him or her. You shower your child with too much attention, too quickly, to take away his or her pain. Different people can overprotect their children in different ways. You may not be doing all the things described, but do you have the orientation of quickly solving all your child’s problems? Do you find it hard to tolerate your child’s discomfort? If you do, you are probably overprotecting your child. What happens as a consequence is that the child rarely has opportunity to face a crisis or a challenge and use his or her own devices to navigate through it. For example, the child has not learnt to stay with his boredom for a few minutes and figure a way out. He has only watched his boredom being taken away. He grows up to be impatient, easily frustrated and impulsive, not having the resources to deal with boredom. Similarly, if the child handles a fight wrong, and then figures how to handle it right, she has learnt how to manage. On the other hand, if you have handled it for her, she has only watched it, not learnt it. It is thus not surprising that these children grow up to have little belief in their abilities to manage their environment. They are unable to try, because they have had little opportunity to try and fail. They see failure as meaning that they are not good enough, rather than as a part of the process of figuring something out. If you do identify with these patterns, it’s not too late. Effective parenting, simply put, is to equip children with the necessary tools to become healthy, emotionally stable, competent and independent adults who are ready for bigger challenges in life. A parent is a guiding light under which a child begins to design his future. How do I Begin Changing this Pattern? Allow: Keep in mind that it is a good practice to allow your child to use his or her own resources before you step in. You can help your child when they are stuck. However, once they get unstuck, let them take the lead. Ask: Ask them what they feel and how they would like to deal with the situation. Give them the inputs they need to decide well; but let them take the lead. This way, the child has support and guidance while they are also actively involved, thinking, figuring it out and growing, through each situation. Pause: See how you uneasy you feel when your child is navigating through some situation. Take a few deep breaths and see if you can stay with the discomfort instead of acting out of it. Staying with difficult emotions increases our capacity to tolerate and manage it. It also reduces the urge to act impulsively and gives you space to pause and respond in a more healthy manner. This post has been contributed by Gitali Chatterji. Gitali is

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What can you do if your child is afraid of monsters?

What to Do If Your Child is Afraid of Monsters?

Leave a Comment / Parenting / Inner Space Team / February 22, 2017 / anxiety in children, behavioral problems in children, fear and phobias, for children, managing anxiety, managing emotions, parenting

What to Do If Your Child is Afraid of Monsters? “What if My 3 year old tells me he saw a ghost or monster? How should I respond? Should I ask him more about what he saw? Or should I divert his attention?” When your child is afraid of monsters, sometimes, you are not sure what the best response would be. You might wonder whether asking the child more would make him/her recollect what he saw and feel scared. On the other hand, will it help him talk it out and feel better? Well, as therapists, we would vouch for letting him express himself. The reasons for this are many:- Security: When your child is afraid of monsters, he feels better when he tells you about it. He knows that mom and dad know about this, and that they will protect him if needed. An entry point to resolving his fears: In order to help him with his fears, you have to first get to know them. When you listen to your child, you are likely to understand more about what is bothering him, and are in a better position to help him. Suppression is a silent pain you would rather avoid: Sometimes, you could momentarily distract the child, but he/she remains haunted by the memory of the monster in moments where he is alone. To add to that, he also knows that he cannot talk to you about it, because you do not approve of his being afraid of mere imagination; or, he knows that you will encourage him to pay attention elsewhere. He might try to do this himself. If he succeeds, he will probably cope in that way. However, if he fails, he is likely to move around with an unspoken fear that raises its head every now and then, and that is a painful feeling to have. It only makes him feel more afraid because he has to deal with this scary phenomenon all alone. You know you will not tease your child about it:– Your child’s friends are his age. They might pull his leg about being afraid of monsters. Sensitive children feel worse if this happens to them. On the other hand, if he speaks with you first about it, he gets a mature, caring response from an adult. This helps him feel reassured. Your reality is different than that of your child’s: Your idea of a monster is that of an imaginary thing, hardly scary, maybe even laughable. But your child does not see monsters or ghosts in the same faraway manner. For him/her, they are scary. Your child is probably worried about the possibility of them being real, and about how powerful they are. Because they are genuinely scared, they wish to talk it out. However, what if my child is repeatedly expressing a fear of monsters? Should I not try and divert his attention? If your child is very afraid of monsters, or speaks about it often, try and gently work on the fear. Speak to him about how even if monsters are powerful, they cannot necessarily out do humans. Talk to them about how ghosts are made to look scary on TV, because otherwise nobody would go watch them! Talk about your own fears as a child, and how you managed. This is likely to slowly lessen his/her fears. In sum, listening to your child and keeping in mind that their fears are very real for them will help you, irrespective of how you explain to your child that monsters and ghosts are not real, and will not hurt him/her. We hope this piece has helped some of you with questions you might have had. Feel free to tell us what you think, and what more you would like us to write about. Post Contributed By: Malini Krishnan

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THE GIFT OF PSYCHOTHERAPY

2 Comments / Therapy / Inner Space Team / January 7, 2017 / anxiety in children, behavioral problems in children, fear and phobias, for children, managing anxiety, managing emotions, parenting

Why not just visit a psychotherapist when you have no problems? When you go to a psychotherapist when there is no problem, you have the space to explore and reflect on your life. The intention would be solely for optimizing your life. It’s like talking to a dietician about how to modify your diet when you don’t have cholesterol or diabetes.

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IS YOUR CHILD JUST LAZY? OR DOES HE HAVE ADHD?

4 Comments / Parenting / Inner Space Team / February 11, 2014 / behavioral problems in children, for children, mental health, parenting

Do you see that your child is impatient, impulsive and is easily distracted? Or, that he is unable to continue one task until it is completed?
If you have noticed these tendencies in your child, perhaps they are due to his nature or personality. Or then, perhaps they are not. Maybe he simply can’t help being impatient. Maybe he can’t control his mind when it drifts off his books; and by the time he realizes, 10 minutes have passed.

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IS IT OKAY TO SEEK HELP FROM A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL?

Leave a Comment / Therapy / Inner Space Team / October 8, 2013 / anger in children, behavioral problems in children, for children, managing anger, parent child relationship, parenting

Yesterday, we spoke about how consciously taking care of your emotional health goes a long way in nurturing and strengthening yourself.

Today, we address a slightly deeper issue.

What happens when sometimes, you feel stuck at an impasse? When you know internally that something is not quite okay… that you’re feeling a certain way and you don’t want to continue feeling like that?

You try to resolve it. Yes, it’s good to do that. You’d try and check what’s going wrong; you’d try to correct it.

What happens if still, those stresses or feelings don’t get better? Then what do you do? Turn to friends, family and other people you can trust. This is also good. People who know us act as sounding boards and support us.

But sometimes, even after talking to them, you feel that things are still not okay; like there are some knots that are entangled, and just won’t loosen up.

What then would you do?

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DECODING THE ‘ STUBBORN CHILD ’

4 Comments / Parenting / Inner Space Team / August 12, 2013 / anger in children, behavioral problems in children, for children, managing anger, parent child relationship, parenting

Most of you may have come across a child who is naughty and stubborn, who tends to be insistent on getting his way, so much that people have to give in to what he wants much of the time. Some of you may even live with one such child in your family. This article is an attempt to unravel what such a child thinks, feels and needs. There is a further article here that elaborates on how parents and caregivers can better understand and deal with these children.

Stubborn children get noticed in most places – at home for sure, also at school, at play, even in public places and restaurants at times, much to their parents’ despair. It is easy to notice them; however, is it as easy to understand them?

Stubbornness and difficult behavior have their own way of functioning. They exist in the child for a reason. Until this reason is understood, children cannot be helped completely to change these behaviors. What’s more, if these reasons are not understood and appreciated, well meaning parents and teachers can do more harm than good to the child.

I invite you here to-
Take a Peek into the Stubborn Child

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parenting

The Calm Jar: An Effective Mindfulness Tool To Help Children Manage Stress

Do you have PPD or Baby Blues?

Are You Overprotecting Your Child?

What to Do If Your Child is Afraid of Monsters?

THE GIFT OF PSYCHOTHERAPY

IS YOUR CHILD JUST LAZY? OR DOES HE HAVE ADHD?

IS IT OKAY TO SEEK HELP FROM A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL?

DECODING THE ‘ STUBBORN CHILD ’

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