how to be mindful

Breaking The Cycle of Chronic Dissatisfaction Do you find yourself constantly chasing one goal after the other? Is it difficult for you to savor happy moments and rest in them? Do you immediately worry about the next problem once the previous one is solved? Are you constantly worried about something or the other? If you answered yes to most of these questions, chances are, you are chronically dissatisfied. Something gnaws at you much of the time. Living with chronic dissatisfaction is often burdensome. In many ways, it saps your capacity to enjoy life. How does chronic dissatisfaction come about though? To understand why we are chronically dissatisfied, it is necessary to understand our way of life. I say ‘our’ because most of us live this way. Our Usual Way Of Life Most of us live our lives staying busy, finding one entertainment after another, distracting ourselves, ruminating often about our unsolved or seemingly unsolvable problems. We constantly plan to do better and forever wish to achieve more. We lament lost moments of glory, struggle with temptations we cannot give into or fantasize about the future. In other words, we live our lives in a state of ‘dukkha’. Research On Mindfulness Eager to learn more about mindfulness? We have gathered all of the recent studies on the benefits of mindfulness to help you unlock the path to greater well-being and mental clarity. Know More What Is “Dukkha”? “Dukkha” is loosely translated in English as suffering. Gautama Buddha said that the sheer way we live, forever wanting and needing more, wanting to avoid pain as far as possible, not accepting what life has brought to us and staying so attached to our belongings, ideas, opinions and relationships, is itself suffering. He said that when we have happy moments, we cling to them and fear that they will pass away; when we have difficult moments, we struggle to resolve them. And the moments in between, we spend in day dreaming, fantasizing, planning or simply staying restless and bored. Such a stressful way to live! So much suffering! Chronic dissatisfaction is a reality of the human life. You are conditioned to want more, to need more, and to stay dissatisfied; because that is the only way you will keep striving to survive. Often you are afraid of slowing down or doing nothing because you fear that the moment you stop entertaining and distracting yourself, your mind will bring up all the feelings of dissatisfaction and the related difficult emotions you are trying to avoid. Despite appearances, all human beings struggle with some dissatisfaction or another. It could be about their jobs or health or relationships or finances or even about aging. That is perhaps why even you are here, reading this, searching for something that will make your life more satisfying. Working Through Chronic Dissatisfaction: The Innate Potential For Joy The picture looks gloomy at first, but it is not all bleak. Just like the innate conditioned demon of chronic dissatisfaction there is also a tremendous innate potential for joy. In fact at the deepest level, at the core, there is just joy which is often covered up by fears, struggles and dissatisfaction, so we can’t sense it. This is the joy of simply just being! Often, we are unable to feel this joy. We are caught up in trying to fix one thing after the other. It is ironical that our very methods of dealing with unpleasant feelings perpetuate it. We try to fight unpleasant thoughts away, we try not to feel unpleasant feelings. But this only increases the suffering and the burden. There is no respite from the cycle of constantly having to think, solve, fix, be in one state, and not be in another. Sounds burdensome! Mindfulness is the art and practice of dealing with this demon of chronic dissatisfaction, so that we can uncover the inner joy of being. When we practice mindfulness we do not fight with our dissatisfaction, instead we peacefully observe it. We slowly change our relationship with our dissatisfaction and try to know it better, thus changing our habitual reactions to it. Hence mindfulness is a gentle practice of greater self-knowledge and self awareness, as a way to address our suffering and know our joy. While this is the larger goal, our practice needs to begin with small steps. About the Author This article was written by the team of Psychologists and Mindfulness Trainers at Inner Space.  Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about mindfulness, meditation or any related topic, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists and Mindfulness Trainers. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Coping With Anxiety Using Mindfulness Cultivating A Beginner’s Mind Indian Origins Of Mindfulness Meditation

The Quiet Effects of Chronic Stress: How To Overcome It? Everyone knows that stress is not good for us. However, one pertinent question is – how do we end up becoming chronically stressed? If we know that stress isn’t good for us, why don’t we do something to minimize the stress sooner?  A part of the reason is – very often, we are not even aware that we are stressed. Stress keeps building up in a mild but chronic manner within, and we don’t even realize it. Let’s do a tiny check-in to understand this better- How often are you: Preoccupied in thought  Absent-minded Zoning out of conversations  Low on patience Prone to being impulsive Restless and wired up Constantly shaking your foot, feeling fidgety Feeling listless and lethargic Finding it hard to put down the phone, switch off the laptop or tv, even if you know you need to Not able to bring about change in certain habits or patterns, even if you wish to Not able to introspect  Not able to understand what you truly feel These situations are so common that we don’t really make much of it. We may not even notice when they happen. However, it is important to know that these things aren’t just “quirks.” These are hidden, often quiet symptoms and effects of chronic stress.  What Is Chronic Stress? Stress, in simple terms, is your body preparing you to either fight a threat or flee from it.  However, there are just so many things that can get us feeling mildly threatened – the coffee going cold before you drink it, your roommate turning the fan off when you want it on, missing that bus or train, your children needing you when you want those minutes to yourself, your spouse coming back home in a bad mood, your boss looking unhappy with your suggestions… need we move to more serious situations?  Enough happens in our daily lives that we don’t recognize we are feeling stressed in the present moment. We don’t recognize that our bodies feel mildly wired, and that we don’t feel at rest. We tell ourselves we have dealt with the situation and moved on. However, we don’t move on completely.  We carry some residual stress with us. For instance, we still might be thinking about our spouse, boss or child while having a meal hours later. We might be slightly more restless for the rest of the day. We may not eat well, or eat a bit too much. We may feel distracted. We may have bad dreams that night or even the next. These are ways how our system carries chronic, residual stress. When our system keeps accumulating stress this way, and we do not get enough opportunity to reset our mind and body, we end up carrying some stress chronically. Being in a chronically stressed state can lead to longer term effects such as- Constant thinking, brooding, rumination An inability to truly rest and be Resting physically but being tired mentally Difficulty with concentration and focus Feeling irritable, tired, short tempered A tendency to snap or overreact Anxiety, constant worry  Mental confusion, lack of clarity Burnout  Addictive habits – right from alcoholism and smoking to binge eating, binge watching and so on Vulnerability to headaches, digestive issues, reproductive problems, hypertension and other or physical illnesses.  Difficulty sleeping Reduced immunity  Relationship difficulties owing to the state one is in. When we are in a state of chronic stress, we are constantly caught up in some form of thought. We constantly live in our heads.  Sometimes, we go through our daily routine in an almost mechanical way. We do what we are doing, but we feel hazy and disconnected inside. We wish to understand what is going within us, but when we try, so many thoughts and confusion comes up that we look away and into the next TV series to get into, in order to lighten up. This state is like your nervous system being stretched like a rubber band and then being held in a stretched position. It cannot work in unison with all your other mental and emotional faculties to support yourself.  Instead, it’s in survival mode, simply getting through each day and seeking some pleasure from time-to-time to help push yourself forth. Despite the momentary pleasures, you are not able to truly help yourself manage and reduce chronic stress meaningfully. Research On Mindfulness Eager to learn more about mindfulness? We have gathered all of the recent studies on the benefits of mindfulness to help you unlock the path to greater well-being and mental clarity. Know More Mindfulness: The Antidote To Chronic Stress Most of us aren’t even aware of the stress we carry in our bodies. And thus, we do not do anything to address the stress.  Mindfulness is the “antidote” to chronic stress. Since mindfulness is all about being in the present, it gently works with the state of chronic stress. It works with our tendency to be in chronic stress, being unaware, getting caught up in the head, remaining disconnected with ourselves, and zoning out to the next distraction. One of the main reasons to learn mindfulness is due to its ability to help you stay rooted in the present, and work on reducing the load of chronic stress from your system.  How Does Mindfulness Help To Manage Chronic Stress? When you train in mindfulness, you train in noticing yourself, as you are without judgement and with total acceptance of whatever arises.  When you are able to be with yourself for longer spans of time, something powerful happens. The brain becomes rewired to drop stressful tendencies. It learns to recognize its present state better. It learns to drop automatic thinking more easily and come back to the moment. It can learn to recognise difficult sensations, difficult feelings without having to suppress it or shut it out. You are able to access what you are really feeling instead of just going with the first thought