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5 Easy Steps to Keep Your Cool and Stay Professional
Do you feel like your workplace makes you feel like a pressure cooker, ready to explode at any given second? Maybe it is a co-worker who constantly interrupts you during meetings, taking away your train of thought, and leaving you fuming with anger. Or, it could be the never-ending deadlines, gradually piling up until you slam your fist on your desk in frustration. Anger issues at work aren’t just bad for your well-being, but they can also hamper your professional relationships and leave you feeling burnt out and on the verge of quitting. Before you decide to give up on work and yourself entirely, know that you’re not alone. Many individuals struggle with anger issues at work. But, there are certain techniques you can use to manage your anger and navigate these situations with more grace. By working on managing your anger, you can avoid unnecessary conflict and create a calmer and more positive work environment for yourself and those around you. Before we look into how you can address the anger, it is also important to know what your anger is trying to tell you. What Are Your Anger Issues Trying To Tell You? Before we get into the five techniques, here is something you must know about anger and emotions in general. Emotions are clues. They help us understand what is truly going on in the mind and body. Sometimes, certain emotions can get a bad reputation, especially unpleasant ones, and anger is surely one of them. But, it is important to understand that your anger is also trying to tell you something. Whenever you feel angry, it is important to know that: Anger can be a clue for you to notice deeper emotions. For example, feeling angry at your co-workers for stealing your ideas for a project can be because you felt betrayed by them. It also felt like a threat because it wasn’t fair that they did it, as they took away what’s yours. Anger can signal you to set better boundaries. For instance, maybe you feel frustrated with a colleague who constantly comes to your desk to gossip while you are trying to get work done. This frustration and anger can be a clue to set better boundaries. Instead of dwelling on why you are angry or why others behave the way they do, maybe gradually working up the courage to set better boundaries may be more fruitful in the long run. Anger can also motivate you to change. When you are feeling angry at your boss when they critique your work, your anger could be a cue telling you to change things around and make a change. Anger can fuel the energy and determination needed to address a problem or fight for what’s right. Therefore, anger isn’t your enemy. Trying to resist or suppress your anger can only cause things to backfire. So, it is important to notice what anger is trying to tell us. It is important that you try to not just tame the fire, but also know what caused it in the first place. So, here are five simple techniques you can use when you feel extremely frustrated, annoyed, or angry at work: 5 Easy Techniques To Manage Anger Issues At Work Here are five easy techniques that can help you manage anger issues at work. 1. The Ten-Second Pause Remind yourself to pause for 10 seconds (or more) before responding to a triggering situation. Let’s say you receive an email that makes you fume with anger. This brief pause can help the initial wave of anger to subside and it can give you some time to collect your thoughts and draft a better reply. 2. Label Your Emotions Once you have taken the ten-second pause, take a deep breath and notice what you are feeling at the moment. You may say something mentally like, “I am feeling frustrated right now,” or “This is making me angry” Simply identifying and acknowledging emotion can help you detach from it and prevent it from controlling your actions. 3. Try Humour Now this can be a tricky one. But, a well-timed, tasteful, lighthearted joke can diffuse the tension in a frustrating situation. However, using this technique requires good judgment and should only be used if you feel like it is appropriate for the workplace culture and the people involved. Try to avoid sarcasm or a passive-aggressive tone as can be misinterpreted as mocking. 4. Broken Record Technique If a coworker is escalating a situation in an accusatory tone, try the “broken record” technique. Calmly and repeatedly state your main point again without getting drawn into their emotional response, like a broken record. For example, “I understand you’re upset, but I need you to focus on the specific issue at hand.” 5. Look Inward After a situation where you felt your anger rising, take some time to reflect. Think about what triggered you, how you handled it, and what you could do differently next time. Consider journaling your thoughts or talking to a trusted colleague, or even your therapist, for objective feedback. This self-reflection helps you identify patterns and develop more effective coping mechanisms for the future. By recognizing your anger as a signal and using these techniques, you can transform it from a destructive force into a tool for positive change. Remember, anger issues don’t have to define your workplace experience. With a little self-awareness and effort, you can create a calmer and more productive work environment for yourself and those around you. Seeking Professional Help For Anger Issues While these techniques are a valuable starting point, if you find they’re insufficient and your anger issues significantly impact your work life, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Remember, extreme or unmanageable anger at work can damage your relationships with colleagues and supervisors. A therapist can provide additional tools and strategies for managing your anger and help you develop healthier communication patterns at work. Taking charge of your anger issues can lead to a
6 Ways To Navigate Passive Aggressive Behaviour Around You
Passive-aggressive behaviour from certain people leaves us wondering what’s going on in our relationships with them. Do you ever feel like you’re constantly decoding cryptic messages? Does a friend “accidentally” forget your birthday after a conflict with them, or does your family member offer “helpful” suggestions that feel more like criticism? If yes, you are probably engaging with a person with passive-aggressive tendencies. Passive-aggressive behaviour leaves us wondering what’s happening and creates a feeling of helplessness, powerlessness, or even anger in us. But the good news is, that by understanding these tactics and developing clear communication skills, we can navigate these situations and build stronger connections. This article will equip you with 6 powerful ways to address passive-aggressive behaviour, transforming those frustrating mind games into direct and productive communication. The Meaning Of Passive Aggressive Behaviour Passive-aggressive behaviour is a pattern of suppressing certain emotions like anger, annoyance, jealousy, or resentment, instead of openly expressing them. When someone behaves passive-aggressively, there is a disconnect between what they say, and what they feel like. This is precisely why you feel perplexed when you talk to someone who displays such behaviour. Remember, if someone interacts with you in a passive-aggressive way, it’s not a personal attack. Often, this behaviour stems from an inability to comfortably express vulnerable emotions. Underlying causes of passive-aggressive behaviour can range from low self-esteem, and unresolved feelings to simply lacking the communication skills to express themselves effectively. While the silent treatment, a classic example of passive-aggressive behaviour, might seem intentional, it often reflects a struggle with emotional maturity and open communication. It’s crucial to remember that while this behaviour mainly impacts the person exhibiting it, understanding it empowers you to manage such situations effectively. By learning more about passive-aggressive tendencies, you can enter conversations with awareness and navigate them with greater ease. Examples of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour Let’s look at some examples of passive-aggressive behaviour. Backhanded Compliments The backhanded compliment is an insult that is masked as a compliment. It usually has two parts. For example, “You are so confident (Part 1)… considering the way you look. (Part 2)” Now, leaving the comment in the first part would mean that it is a compliment. When you hear the first part, you feel happy. However, the second part stings you as it shows the true intention of the comment. This way, backhanded compliments leave you hurt and confused. Denial This is a form of passive-aggressive behaviour that leaves you wondering if you are imagining things, or if you are crazy. Let’s say, you have a friend that is constantly avoiding you, being curt and serious with you, which is unusual as they aren’t like that with you. You can sense that they are angry, but when you ask them, they deny their feelings. This behaviour can make you overthink and start worrying that you have caused them to feel this way. Actions These are actions such as rolling their eyes, letting out a heavy sigh, looking away when you look at them, tight smiles, raised eyebrows, and clenched fists. These actions are a glaring sign of their inner frustration, jealousy, or annoyance which is masked by their words. Silent Treatment The silent treatment is another form of passive-aggressive behaviour where they avoid speaking and interacting with you. When you ask them what’s wrong, they either go into denial or say, “I am fine.” This mismatch between a very obvious sign of their anger and what they say can create more frustration and miscommunication in the relationship. Sarcasm With a hidden jab masked as humour, sarcasm conveys frustration or criticism indirectly, leaving you confused. While seemingly lighthearted, it can sting, creating distance and hindering open communication. This could look like jokes made at your expense, like saying, “Yeah, you look great!” with an eye roll, thus hiding their inner negative emotions with “humour.” Feigned Forgetfulness Have you ever collaborated with someone who seems to forget tasks consistently? You assign them a clear deadline, and when the time comes to review their work, they claim it completely slipped their mind. You try to be understanding and give them another chance. But a week later, the same excuse pops up – “Oh, I totally forgot!” This pattern of forgetfulness can be incredibly frustrating, especially when it starts to feel deliberate. It delays your progress and leaves you wondering if their forgetfulness is a passive-aggressive way of expressing something else, like resentment or defiance. Such communication patterns in the workplace can give rise to more tension and conflict between co-workers. Navigating Passive Aggressive Behaviour In 6 Easy Ways Are you frustrated and tired of these tactics? Struggling to find a way to respond to people behaving passive-aggressively with you? Here are 6 easy ways to navigate these tricky situations and protect your well-being: Keep calm: Reacting to passive-aggressive comments and actions from an emotional space only adds fuel to the fire. Try to mentally distance yourself from the situation and remind yourself that this behaviour is not your responsibility or a reflection of you. Give them space: If someone keeps avoiding and denying their emotions despite you knowing that they are angry, give them the space to process their emotions and wait till they reach out to speak with you. Set boundaries: Understand that their behaviour is not something you will have to live with. Clearly communicate what is unacceptable and the consequences of the behaviour. Avoid engaging in mind games: Do not try to decode the hidden meaning behind their actions and words. Instead, ask for clear, direct communication from their end. Look at facts, not feelings: Often, passive-aggressive behaviour is done to gain a sense of control over your emotions. By making you feel confused, frustrated, and responsible for their actions, they can place the blame on you. To overcome this, focus on stating concrete examples and how they impacted you, and avoid getting caught up in emotional accusations. Focus on your well-being: Disengage from their behaviour and engage in self-care activities
Why Can’t I Love My Body The Way It Is – Unveiling The Secrets Of Body Image
Staring in the mirror and wishing you could love your body just the way it is? This can be a real struggle. Your friends tell you to ‘just accept yourself,’ but the negative voice in your head seems to drown out their words. You’re not alone. Body image issues are a common battle, and feeling like you are the only one trapped in a critical self-talk loop is a normal part of this journey. Wondering ‘why’ you can’t seem to love your body is a natural question. In this article, we’ll explore some of the hidden reasons why body acceptance can feel so out of reach. Understanding these reasons can be the first step towards self-compassion and, ultimately, a healthier relationship with yourself. The Hidden Reasons Behind Body Image Issues We often think body image issues are just about our appearance. “If I lose weight,” we tell ourselves, “I’ll finally love how I look.” So we push ourselves to the limit with exercise and restrict our food intake, chasing a specific image in the mirror. But the frustrating truth is, that even after achieving that image, the discomfort often remains. Or, the relationship with our bodies can also be negatively affected by giving up on it. The pressure to look good is so overwhelming that instead of pushing yourself to exercise, you give up on your body altogether, eat unhealthily, or do not exercise. Here’s the key: body image isn’t just about how you look, it’s about how you believe others see you, whether it’s true or not. It’s the voice in your head whispering doubts and anxieties, regardless of reality. Here are a few reasons why the mind engages in such self-critical chatter. 1. Image-driven society Our world bombards us with images, often portraying unrealistic beauty standards that overshadow our true worth. Social media, especially, thrives on carefully curated snapshots that rarely reflect reality. We scroll through feeds filled with seemingly “perfect” individuals, subtly pushing products and unrealistic ideals. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to these portrayals, leading to the nagging question, “Why don’t I look like them?” This constant comparison can chip away at our self-esteem, making us feel inadequate and fueling negative body image. Most of this feeling of inadequacy is subconscious and accepted without question. 2. Fleeting trends Flawless skin, washboard abs, a specific body shape, the list goes on and on. We chase these unrealistic ideals, striving to be “perfect” and unique, only to end up looking strangely similar. But here’s the truth: we were meant to be different. Our unique features, from our eyes to our curves, tell a story and hold a beauty all their own. Each one is a reflection of our heritage and experiences, carrying the legacy of many generations. Chasing unattainable standards only puts our bodies through unnecessary struggle and pain. It’s time to embrace what makes us unique, to find the beauty in our individuality, and to remember that true beauty lies far beyond the fleeting trends and unrealistic expectations. 3. Marketing gimmicks We’re constantly bombarded with messages telling us we’re not good enough. Scroll through social media and every ad seems designed to convince you of a “flaw” you never knew you had, pushing a quick fix in the form of their product. Clear skin? You need this face wash. Not toned enough? Try this new workout program. The message is clear: there’s something inherently wrong with you, and only their product can make it right. The problem is, that even if you manage to achieve that “perfect” look, society often finds a new way to make you feel inadequate. It’s a constant game of shifting goalposts, leaving many feeling like they’ll never be good enough. 4. Mental conditioning We’re not born hating our bodies. Let’s take the example of babies- they connect with others based on warmth and smiles, not appearances. But somewhere along the way, when they grow up, they get bombarded with messages about what’s “ideal,” shaping how they see themselves and others. These messages come from everywhere – family, friends, society, and media – slowly chipping away at their self-acceptance. It’s like peeling an onion: to truly love your body, you have to peel back those layers of conditioning. 5. Resistance To Change We’ve all been there: looking back at old photos and thinking, “Wow, I looked great then!” But the irony is, we probably felt insecure and unattractive back then too. That’s the trick of negative body image – it keeps us from being happy with ourselves, no matter what. It can tie us to the past, yearning for a time when we “think” we looked better, or fixate on the future, constantly chasing an ever-changing ideal. This leaves us feeling lost and disconnected from the present moment. Often, these struggles stem from a resistance to change. We set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, like the belief that we “should” have flawless skin at any age. These rigid standards only set us up for disappointment and pain. While understanding the reasons behind negative body image is crucial, it’s important to remember that self-acceptance doesn’t equate to complacency. It doesn’t mean giving up on healthy habits or self-improvement. Instead, it’s about fostering a holistic approach to well-being. It’s about nurturing our bodies with kindness and respect, acknowledging their abilities and limitations, and celebrating our unique beauty – both inside and out. The goal of exercise is to live well, not look good, The role of healthy eating is to feel light and good in your skin, not look good. When you uncouple good eating eating habits and exercise with how you look, you do much better, and become much less disappointed when you don’t lose weight or your acne doesn’t go away. Try choosing a form of exercise that gives you joy, and exercise because you love yourself, not in order to love yourself. Focusing solely on numbers on the scale or unrealistic appearance ideals tells only half the
Non-Judgmental Mindfulness: The Key To Happiness
Our daily lives are often filled with judgment. When I say Judgment, I don’t necessarily mean a negative label. I mean, any label. What is a Judgment? A Judgment, simply put, is any label assigned to an experience. ‘Good’ ‘bad’, ‘interesting’, ‘useless’ are a few obvious ones. Once you have labeled something as ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘I like’, or ‘I don’t like’; what follows are shoulds and should nots – I should engage with this experience, or, I should not engage with this. For example, – You are in an auto rickshaw and feeling the breeze as you ride. You might feel happy or relieved to feel the breeze. However, almost immediately, you might label that experience as ‘fruitless’ , or ‘what’s the point of this when all’s not well at work, my relationships are so difficult, things are not working out’ and so on. Want To Start Practicing Mindfulness Meditation? Mindfulness is a beautiful practice that helps us become rooted in life. It involves getting our minds back to the present and paying attention to the life that is unfolding right now within and around us. Start Here Why is it important to cultivate non-judgmental mindfulness as a practice? 1. Judgment Comes at a Cost to You. We have an average of 70,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day, that’s an average of 2500 to 3200 thoughts per hour. Several of these thoughts are Judgments. If you pay some attention to the mind, you will find that it is constantly judging experiences as ‘important’ and ‘unimportant’, if not ‘good/bad’. What happens as a result is: 2. Negative Experiences are Amplified. Often, the things we dismiss as being unimportant are neutral moments like the 4th or 5th sip of tea, driving along the roads, walking along the street, brushing, bathing, etc. If you stop to watch what truly goes on in the mind during these neutral moments, you’ll see that several times, it will go right back to things that cannot be fixed, or are yet to be fixed. It will go back to something that is not yet okay. This will sometimes be a small issue, like what show to watch tonight or what to cook and sometimes a bigger difficulty like a difficult exam or a difficult relationship. Irrespective, the mind goes back to something like this several times each day. As a result, problems get amplified and a lot of mind space is dedicated to them. 3. Unhappiness Sets In. You can very well imagine what could happen to a mind that constantly thinks of problems, things to fix; a mind that is always thinking of something other than what is. Such a mind is hardly content. It is hardly able to rest in what is. A mind that constantly worries about problems naturally also moves to being an increasingly unhappy mind. 4. There is Lesser Space to Accept and Work with What Is. This tendency to judge and put things in boxes leaves you with lesser space to accept what is. As a consequence, discontent and suffering increase. Let me give you a simple example. Say you are stuck in a traffic jam or are waiting in a long queue. f you are caught in thoughts of how the experience is ‘horrible’, ‘terrible’, and ‘why does this have to be?’, What follows is a stronger repulsion against the experience. As long as you are in the experience, and even afterwards, your suffering is greater. Versus If you wait while simply noticing the people around, the activity on the street or in the room, feeling your hands on the steering wheel or your breath, the experience of having to wait may not be pleasant, but is likely to be far less distressful. You discover some space to wait and there is more peace in your system as you wait. Non-Judgmental Mindfulness : Where to Begin? Recognize Judgment: A simple first step to cultivating non-judgmental mindfulness is to simply recognize Judgment when it comes up. Gently know when Judgment or labels have come up, non-Judgmentally! Don’t Judge the Judgmental Mind: It is important not to judge the judging, but to simply recognize it as a habit of the mind, not just your mind, but the human mind. Slowly come back to the present moment: Coming back to the immediate experience of sights, sounds around you, coming back to the breath can anchor you in the present, slowly reducing the hold that mental chatter has on you. About the Author This article was written by Counselors & Mindfulness Trainers at Inner Space. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about mindfulness and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs What Is Meditation? How To Use Mindfulness During Stressful Situations Cultivating A Beginner’s Mind
Overcoming Addiction: Understanding The Trauma Behind Addiction
“It’s not about what’s wrong with you, it’s about what happened to you.” When you’re battling addiction, it’s easy to overlook how your past experiences play a role. Maybe others, even yourself, don’t fully grasp why you’re struggling. But here’s the truth: understanding the trauma behind your addiction can be the key that unlocks your path to recovery. Healing from the patterns developed from the past isn’t about blaming or dwelling on the pain. It’s about giving yourself a chance to rewrite your story. You deserve a narrative free from shame, filled with triumph, freedom, and most importantly, self-acceptance. What Is Addiction? Addiction goes far beyond a simple habit. It is a feeling of a powerful urge to engage in something, even if it harms your health or relationships. You know it’s not good for you, yet the pull is relentless, the craving a constant tug-of-war within. Addiction often doesn’t exist in a vacuum. While sometimes it may seem like a personal failing, the roots of this struggle can often be traced back to past experiences. All forms of trauma can leave lasting scars that manifest in unhealthy coping mechanisms, seeking solace in substances or behaviors that numb the pain. But there is hope. With the right support, understanding, and resources, you can recover from addiction. Recovery isn’t easy, but learning the trauma behind the addiction can help you view yourself from a space of self-compassion, instead of shame and guilt. Exploring The Link Between Trauma & Addiction The shadow of trauma can be relentless, constantly reminding you of the pain you’ve endured. Addiction, in its twisted way, can become a shield, a desperate attempt to never look back, to escape the echoes of your past. Whether you witnessed or experienced trauma, it leaves a mark on your mind and body. It’s like your brain gets stuck in a state of alarm, constantly scanning for danger. This triggers anxiety, hypervigilance, and even flashbacks, making it difficult to move forward and build a new life. And the burden doesn’t stop there. Trauma often carries a heavy weight of shame, making you feel responsible for what happened. This is simply not true. You were not to blame. When your mind feels like a warzone, filled with painful memories, shame, and overwhelming emotions, addiction can seem like the only way out. Some substances offer a temporary hope to escape the inner chaos. Others might make you feel something, anything, to drown out the numbness or painful silence within. You might tell yourself you’re using it to cope, to feel better, to avoid remembering. But the truth is, addiction only deepens the pain it seeks to mask. It isolates you, erodes your self-worth, and keeps you trapped in the past. However, you must remember that recovery is possible, from both addiction and trauma. There are countless individuals who have walked this path before. And you can certainly break this cycle of addiction with the right support and resources. Are your addictions holding you back? Counseling can be a great tool for you to manage and overcome your addictions and lead a happy, fulfilling life. We are here for you. Book an Appointment How Trauma Keeps You Stuck In The Cycle of Addiction Emotional Dysregulation: Trauma can disrupt your ability to manage difficult emotions, leading to reliance on substances as a numbing mechanism. This creates a cycle where addiction masks the underlying pain, preventing healthy coping skills from developing. Triggers and Painful Memories: Traumatic experiences can leave behind emotional triggers that activate cravings and relapse. Substances offer a temporary escape from these triggers but ultimately reinforce the addictive cycle. Shame and Guilt: Trauma often carries shame, leading individuals to blame themselves for their experiences and addiction. This negativity fuels isolation and hinders the self-compassion needed to break free. Disrupted Brain Chemistry: Trauma can alter brain chemistry, making individuals more susceptible to addiction by increasing the reward response to substances and decreasing the ability to resist cravings. Avoidance and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Using substances to avoid painful memories and emotions creates a barrier to healing. This avoidance hinders the development of healthy coping mechanisms and perpetuates the cycle of addiction. A Trauma-Informed Path To Dealing With Addiction Since addiction often exists as a symptom of trauma, recovering from addiction using a trauma-informed lens can be very potent. Such an approach acknowledges how trauma makes it difficult to regulate emotions, find healthy coping mechanisms, and how it alters your brain chemistry. Here are a few features of a trauma-informed approach to recovering from addiction. Understanding your story: Through therapy and support groups, you can begin to explore how past experiences have shaped your present reality. This builds self-awareness and empowers you to make informed choices about healing. Healing the trauma: Trauma-specific therapies like EMDR, somatic therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy can help you process and desensitize painful memories, reducing their impact on your present life. Building emotional regulation skills: Learning healthy coping mechanisms like mindfulness, relaxation techniques, and communication skills creates the capacity for staying with difficult emotions without resorting to substances. Building a supportive community: Surrounding yourself with individuals who have walked similar paths provides invaluable support, encouragement, and a sense of belonging. Self-care Habits: Prioritizing healthy habits like exercise, healthy eating, and sleep nourishes your body and mind while fostering a sense of self-worth and personal agency. These habits can help decrease addiction Healing from trauma and addiction isn’t a linear journey. You will be met with many twists and turns along the way. While trauma makes addiction complicated, it doesn’t mean that recovery is impossible. You can overcome addiction, and by understanding your past, you’re taking the first powerful step toward a brighter future. About the Author This article was written by Parvathi Ganesan, Counselor at Inner Space. This post was consulted & approved by professional therapists practicing online therapy and counseling. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about loneliness and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is
The Hidden Causes Of Eating Disorders: It’s Not What You Think
The world often sees eating disorders as just a food and weight issue. But for you, the one struggling, it’s likely way more complex. When you delve deeper into the interplay between food and your self-perception, there is an intricate web of causes of eating disorders. Understanding the deeper “whys” behind your struggles can be a powerful tool in your journey towards recovery. In this article, we will uncover the psychological defenses and factors that may be contributing to eating disorders. What Is An Eating Disorder? Eating disorders aren’t about the food itself, but about a complex relationship with it and your body. It’s deeper than just counting calories – it’s about intense guilt and shame over having a small treat. While the types of eating disorders differ, one common thread is the overwhelming focus on food and body image. Understanding how this pattern developed is the first step towards recovery and a healthier relationship with yourself. The Hidden Causes of Eating Disorders We all have patterns in our lives, some helpful, some not so much. But why do we stick to these unhelpful patterns? Below are a few reasons why eating disorders emerge. Remember, there is no one single reason that can cause an eating disorder. Eating disorders can be caused due to a complex interplay between nature, nurture, and how the mind works. However, learning about the often ignored aspects of eating disorders can aid in your journey towards recovery. 1. Viewing Food As A Reward You might find yourself reaching for food after a long, draining day at work, a heavy meal offering a sense of comfort and reward. It’s like a promise you make to yourself: “Get through this, and you can have a treat.” Food becomes a bargaining chip, a way to motivate yourself and feel appreciated in the face of challenges. However, if you are struggling with a pattern of disordered eating, this tendency can backfire. Slowly, every difficult situation becomes a reason to indulge and overeat, resulting in eating disorders like bulimia and binge eating. The temporary comfort from that heavy meal can’t truly address the underlying stress or exhaustion. In fact, it might even leave you feeling worse, trapped in a cycle of emotional eating and self-blame. 2. Using Food To Gain A False Sense of Control Life throws curveballs, and sometimes, it feels easier to control something, anything. Food can become that source of control, especially during stressful times like moving to a new city or being in a new job. The unfamiliar can be overwhelming, and the routine of restricting food can feel like a way to manage the chaos. But like trying to control the weather, this sense of control is ultimately an illusion. Avoiding new experiences and clinging to rigid eating patterns, however comforting in the short term, can contribute to eating disorders like anorexia, where anxiety manifests as a need for extreme control. Often control is a pattern formed by past traumas. If you have experiences of feeling completely out of control or helpless as a child, or even traumatized, abandoned, or abused, you may develop unhealthy control patterns, trying to manage and control everything in your surroundings. Such control can also get manifested as control of food, and can lead to anorexia- like tendencies where you control and develop perfectionism around food to the extent that it occupies a great deal of your mind space and leaves you with little energy to focus on other things in your life. 3. Using Food To Detach and Dissociate Ancient Buddhist wisdom tells the unhelpful patterns we indulge in, like eating disorders for example, are often a way to avoid pain and suffering. We might turn to food for comfort, seeking a temporary escape from overwhelming emotions like loneliness, sadness, or fear. For example, imagine going through a tough breakup. You’re dealing with a wave of emotions that feel impossible to handle – the heartache, the emptiness. In that moment, a tub of decadent chocolate ice-cream might seem like the perfect solution, numbing the pain, one scoop at a time. On the other end, becoming “food-focused” as seen in anorexia- that is, being focused on what goes in and measuring everything, becomes a way of not sitting with the difficult stuff in your life. Thus, food can be a way to avoid or detach, either by using it to numb yourself by indulging, or by being too focused on food to avoid feeling your emotions. While enjoying food with friends or indulging occasionally is totally okay, using it to constantly numb emotional pain can become counterproductive. It might feel like you’re moving on, but those difficult emotions are still there, buried beneath the surface. Over time, this pattern of ignoring your feelings can be one of the reasons that contribute to an eating disorder. 4. Using Food To Attain Perfectionism Our society and social media bombards us with distorted images and unrealistic expectations, making it easy to feel inadequate and fall prey to the trap of perfectionism. Individuals struggling with eating disorders may base their self-worth solely on their appearance. The eating disorder then becomes a relentless pursuit of an unattainable ideal, offering a temporary sense of validation and achievement. However, in the long run, this pursuit distorts and negatively affects your body image. 5. Becoming The Harshest Critic You Know Imagine looking in the mirror and hearing that critical voice calling you names. It might then turn its attention to your body, fueling negative self-perception. This relentless negativity could be your inner critic trying to shield you from potential hurt by others. The logic might be: “If I hurt myself first, others’ words won’t have the same power to wound me.” This self-inflicted pain, through binging or restricting food, then becomes a twisted form of self-protection. 6. Using Food To Punish Yourself In eating disorders, food transforms from a source of nourishment into a tool for self-inflicted punishment. Imagine feeling overwhelmed by stress or a perceived failure, and instead
