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Understanding the Stubborn Child

DECODING THE ‘ STUBBORN CHILD ’

Most of you may have come across a child who is naughty and stubborn, who tends to be insistent on getting his way, so much that people have to give in to what he wants much of the time. Some of you may even live with one such child in your family. This article is an attempt to unravel what such a child thinks, feels and needs. There is a further article here that elaborates on how parents and caregivers can better understand and deal with these children.

Stubborn children get noticed in most places – at home for sure, also at school, at play, even in public places and restaurants at times, much to their parents’ despair. It is easy to notice them; however, is it as easy to understand them?

Stubbornness and difficult behavior have their own way of functioning. They exist in the child for a reason. Until this reason is understood, children cannot be helped completely to change these behaviors. What’s more, if these reasons are not understood and appreciated, well meaning parents and teachers can do more harm than good to the child.

I invite you here to-
Take a Peek into the Stubborn Child

cyberbullying in teenagers

CYBERBULLYING IN TEENAGERS : IS IT HAPPENING TO YOU?

R.M. is a cheerful 14 year old teenager who stays with her parents in Mumbai. She likes science and finds history very boring. She loves watching movies and spending time with her friends. She sounds just like you or someone you might know, doesn’t she? Just like you, she has a profile on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram…you name it! And just like you, she can’t wait to get home from class and come online to update her status; chat with her friends or post a comment about something funny that happened at school.

Since the past week however, she has been behaving differently.

Last week, when she got home from school and signed into Facebook, a classmate had commented something in jest on her picture. It was funny at first, but then the comments got mean, and extremely hurtful. The same person from her class, then started posting mean status updates and sending her unkind messages.

She didn’t know what to do or how to make it stop. So, she hasn’t gone to school for most days of the week saying she’s feeling unwell. She’s been withdrawn and her parents can’t understand what happened. She has been avoiding messages from her friends. She feels hurt, scared and even a little angry. Wouldn’t you feel the same way?

inner self

TO THAT WHICH IS BEAUTIFUL IN YOU

You are able to live with yourself because you know you are fundamentally good!

You know that all your inadequacies and the not so good qualities exist either because they are judged that way by people around you or because you picked them up somewhere on the way because of the difficulties that life sent your way.

You are correct! The deepest core of you, of all of us, every person is beautiful.

Finding your Strengths

FINDING YOUR STRENGTHS – HOW TO START?

Everyone wants to know what their strengths are – what they are good at, what situations they can pull-off well and what about them helps them cope better with life.

‘Strengths’ of any person are unique. Even if two people have the same strength, for example, good communication skills, the way each person’s communication skills show up in life would be very very different.

Sometimes, it is this unique nature of strengths that makes it difficult for you to truly identify what your strengths are. You probably think – ‘God, he’s so effective with customers’, or, ‘She’s so good with conversation!’ when you notice others.

Is it okay to say no in the face of a temper tantrum?

IS IT OKAY TO SAY NO IN THE FACE OF A TEMPER TANTRUM?

This is a question I am often asked by parents in therapy.

‘How to react if the child throws a temper tantrum?’

If you are a parent, you probably have been through this dilemma and resolved it. Or maybe you are going through it at present.

Some children find it easier to adjust when things don’t go their way. They may occasionally cry or fuss a little, but they’re largely open to adjusting.

Some children find it extremely difficult to make such an adjustment. They tend to get very upset when things don’t go their way. They may cry loudly, shout and insist that their demand be met with. The more you deny them what they want, the more they cry and the temper tantrum aggravates. Ultimately, you reach a place where you don’t know how to react.

In such a scenario, what is better? To fulfill the child’s demand or say no?

finding the middle road to mental health

FINDING THE MIDDLE ROAD TO MENTAL HEALTH

“Maybe you could try to get something done by this week”,

“Maybe you’re trying too hard, you could do with a little bit of letting go”

“There may be a lot more options you haven’t explored”

“It would help if you would stop exploring more and more options and instead focus on one”

“Maybe you could reach out to your partner more”,

“Maybe you could detach a bit from your partner and work with yourself instead!”

Yes I’m quoting myself! What in the world am I trying to do contradicting myself all over???

You’ll soon know!

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