When you have low self esteem, you tend to question your ability most of the time. Most people around seem to be doing better than you, and you don’t see enough competence in yourself.
The tough part about having low self esteem is that you tend to go on for several years in life believing within that you are not good enough. You feel inhibited in some situations…
It is World Mental Health Day!
There wouldn’t have been a better time to talk about one of the most common afflictions as far as mental health is concerned, something that almost all of us face – ‘Anxiety’.
Be it seeing after your children or making it on time to work, several situations give us the “on the edge” feeling.
When we talk of dealing with or managing anxiety, we think about it the mental way. We try to take things easy, we try to consciously ask ourselves to ‘calm down’ and stay focused.
However, what we tend to ignore is that –
Anxiety is as much in the body as it is in the mind
“My life is pathetic”
“Others are so much happier than I am!”
“I will never be able to make friends”
These are thoughts aren’t they? Often, we experience distress, anxiety, discomfort and a lot of pain because of our thoughts. We have a thought or a belief about something, which causes us stress.
In the course of life, our mind is flooded with thoughts. If you take even a minute to be aware of your mind, you will know just how active your mind really is. It is constantly evaluating, judging or making sense of events around it. Such is the nature of the mind. The mind as a faculty thinks and interprets events.
However, what happens when our thoughts begin to distress us? When this mental chatter begins weighing us down? For some of you, your mind thinks certain things over and over again. Or, it thinks in a certain way over and over. It keeps going on about how lonely or unwanted you are, or about how you are uncertain if you are heading in the right direction in life. How then can you deal with it?
Take a moment. Think about something you really want to do, but haven’t yet because you are afraid it might not work out:
Taking up that new project at work. Starting your own homemade cupcakes business. Shifting to a new house. Starting a fitness regime. Investing in some property. Taking a break from work to travel. Telling that someone special you love them.
Your mind is probably telling you: What if it doesn’t work out? What if it is a big mistake? What if I fail? Sometimes, when you want to take up something new, your mind will tell you that you are not ready, even if you are. Yes, taking up something new does come with changes and some amount of risk but it also comes with a gamut of exciting possibilities.
When you are scared to fail, you take a step back. You colour inside the lines. This fear limits you from attempting certain activities, taking risks and you start to undermine your potential.
You are able to live with yourself because you know you are fundamentally good!
You know that all your inadequacies and the not so good qualities exist either because they are judged that way by people around you or because you picked them up somewhere on the way because of the difficulties that life sent your way.
You are correct! The deepest core of you, of all of us, every person is beautiful.
Everyone wants to know what their strengths are – what they are good at, what situations they can pull-off well and what about them helps them cope better with life.
‘Strengths’ of any person are unique. Even if two people have the same strength, for example, good communication skills, the way each person’s communication skills show up in life would be very very different.
Sometimes, it is this unique nature of strengths that makes it difficult for you to truly identify what your strengths are. You probably think – ‘God, he’s so effective with customers’, or, ‘She’s so good with conversation!’ when you notice others.
Going through pain in life is inevitable.
You know this. Oh yes, you often want to believe you can escape it by being “overly” careful. But deep inside… all of us know, we will go through pain!
An imperfect life scattered with pain, physical and emotional, makes you feel like life and people are unfair. When you are in pain, your mind says, “I deserve happiness, not yet another pain!” You work hard at your happiness, at work and at home. You try your best not to hurt others and to be steadfast and responsible.
Somehow, you still encounter pain and sorrow, sometimes right after a happy event.
You feel angry and dejected. You ask life, ‘why?’
“When walking, walk. When eating, eat”. This popular Zen proverb had me bewildered about it’s meaning at first sight, some months ago. In good time, I realized that most of us think while eating, walking, sleeping, and a whole lot of other things.
A classmate of mine in school and college successfully hung herself from a fan… It was devastating… Years later here I am-a psychologist- with several hundred sessions of having heard the teenagers side of the story-the hopelessness, helplessness and the frustrations. When Rediff asked me to write about teenage suicide, everything came together 🙂
Marriages today are under duress and we all know that. The statement has been true for the past decade or so for a number of countries and India follows suit. The number of couples I see for therapy have at least quadrupled in the last decade.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
A young woman from another country moved with her family to live for one year in a town near the monastery. When, in the course of the year she discovered the monastery, she would periodically visit to have discussions with the Abbess. The Abbess introduced her to meditation, which became very meaningful for the young woman.
When the family’s year-long stay was drawing to an end, the young woman asked the Abbess, “In my country there is no Buddhism and no one has even heard about meditation. How can I continue to learn and deepen the practice you have started me on?”
The Abbess said, “When you return home ask far and wide for who, among the wise people, is recognized as having the greatest ability to listen. Ask that person to instruct you in the art of listening. What you learn about listening from such a person will teach you how to further your meditation practice.
― Gil Fronsdal, A Monastery Within: Tales from the Buddhist Path
