“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”“The fault dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.”William Shakespeare We have always been told that situations don’t define us, but what matters is our attitude towards the situation. So then, what is the difference between someone …
Think about the guy who checks his facebook, twitter and instagram accounts countless times in a day, to remain “updated”; or the girl who attends 3 parties on a Saturday night so that she doesn’t miss out on the awesome time that everyone else will have.
Today, a lot of people find themselves flitting from one event to the other, picking one novel opportunity after the other, not wanting to miss out on anything.
If you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you know what it feels like to have recurrent intrusive negative thoughts. These thoughts come out of nowhere, make you anxious and make you do things to undo their effect. They make you feel guilty- guilty for just having these thoughts!
When you have low self esteem, you tend to question your ability most of the time. Most people around seem to be doing better than you, and you don’t see enough competence in yourself.
The tough part about having low self esteem is that you tend to go on for several years in life believing within that you are not good enough. You feel inhibited in some situations…
It is World Mental Health Day!
There wouldn’t have been a better time to talk about one of the most common afflictions as far as mental health is concerned, something that almost all of us face – ‘Anxiety’.
Be it seeing after your children or making it on time to work, several situations give us the “on the edge” feeling.
When we talk of dealing with or managing anxiety, we think about it the mental way. We try to take things easy, we try to consciously ask ourselves to ‘calm down’ and stay focused.
However, what we tend to ignore is that –
Anxiety is as much in the body as it is in the mind
“My life is pathetic”
“Others are so much happier than I am!”
“I will never be able to make friends”
These are thoughts aren’t they? Often, we experience distress, anxiety, discomfort and a lot of pain because of our thoughts. We have a thought or a belief about something, which causes us stress.
In the course of life, our mind is flooded with thoughts. If you take even a minute to be aware of your mind, you will know just how active your mind really is. It is constantly evaluating, judging or making sense of events around it. Such is the nature of the mind. The mind as a faculty thinks and interprets events.
However, what happens when our thoughts begin to distress us? When this mental chatter begins weighing us down? For some of you, your mind thinks certain things over and over again. Or, it thinks in a certain way over and over. It keeps going on about how lonely or unwanted you are, or about how you are uncertain if you are heading in the right direction in life. How then can you deal with it?
“When walking, walk. When eating, eat”. This popular Zen proverb had me bewildered about it’s meaning at first sight, some months ago. In good time, I realized that most of us think while eating, walking, sleeping, and a whole lot of other things.
What’s common between a daughter-in-law devastated by her mother-in-laws behaviour, a man who cannot bear the boredom of his work anymore, a parent who is terribly stressed because his child refuses to study, a man who cannot believe he has lost his wife so suddenly, and a woman who is overwhelmed because she has been diagnosed with breast cancer?
As I see it, a few things …
The situation is grave
It has taken the joy out of life
Most of the day and sometimes a good part of the night is spent in thinking about the problem and thinking how to resolve it
A sense of being stuck, and trapped- a feeling that I cannot get out of this…
Do you feel like this about some situation of your life?
‘I strive to be perfect!! Well, not always; but there are a few areas where I seek perfection.’ Such areas could be studies, one’s appearance or work related projects. Perfectionism in one or more areas is a trait some of us identify with. We want a perfect state of mind before we begin work and a smooth, perfect route to task completion. The question I want to raise here is – Does the quest for perfection help or hurt? You might say, “both”.
My next question would be, “does it hurt more than it helps?” Wait a minute, you don’t have to answer me immediately.
I’d like you to take a few minutes though and think about this before you continue reading. It is an important question for you.
Your day starts with a mild stir. A stir nowhere else but in your mind. As you go about your daily chores, you feel like your mind is only partially involved. A simultaneous series of thoughts are on too. Your imagination is rolling and how! You imagine yourself giving a stage performance, that boy you like finally making conversation with you, you topping in class or bagging that coveted project….. you are daydreaming. Why are we discussing this? Isn’t daydreaming one pleasant escapade that is safe? Oh yes, it is! However, there are some of us who daydream excessively, so much so that our schedules are delayed or disrupted or our head begins to feel heavy. We probably end up underachieving or simply being dissatisfied with this almost compulsive tendency…yet, it has its own rewards. Let’s understand this better.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
A young woman from another country moved with her family to live for one year in a town near the monastery. When, in the course of the year she discovered the monastery, she would periodically visit to have discussions with the Abbess. The Abbess introduced her to meditation, which became very meaningful for the young woman.
When the family’s year-long stay was drawing to an end, the young woman asked the Abbess, “In my country there is no Buddhism and no one has even heard about meditation. How can I continue to learn and deepen the practice you have started me on?”
The Abbess said, “When you return home ask far and wide for who, among the wise people, is recognized as having the greatest ability to listen. Ask that person to instruct you in the art of listening. What you learn about listening from such a person will teach you how to further your meditation practice.
― Gil Fronsdal, A Monastery Within: Tales from the Buddhist Path
