You are able to live with yourself because you know you are fundamentally good!
You know that all your inadequacies and the not so good qualities exist either because they are judged that way by people around you or because you picked them up somewhere on the way because of the difficulties that life sent your way.
You are correct! The deepest core of you, of all of us, every person is beautiful.
Don’t believe it? Ask a psychotherapist. The therapist sees both sides. The physically abusive father and the suffering child, the lying teenager and the furious mom, the spouse having the extra marital affair and the spouse feeling cheated, the paedophile and the molested child, the unsatisfied boss and the oppressed employee, the alcoholic and the hurt family.
In my practice of last fourteen years as a psychotherapist, I have seen people in all kinds of situations, angry, lying, deceitful, manipulative but I have never ever seen someone in whom I cannot find the fundamental beautiful core, of which I talk.
Yes people are often not in touch with that core themselves, but I can see it shining through just a few sessions down.
So this post is dedicated to…..
Connecting with Your Inner Self – the beautiful person in you
Try these steps:
- Sit quietly for a few minutes and let your mind settle until you feel your focus has come back at least somewhat to the present moment. You could focus on the breath to help you.
- Watch your body and sensations inside your body. Be aware there is goodness in you and try to watch it in your body.
- Don’t be analytical about it. Just allow the sensations to float up. If you feel good somewhere, don’t question if it is really the right place or you are imagining it.
- Sit with this goodness in you for sometime, knowing it is a part of you.
- Even if you cannot sense it, be with yourself, with your body for sometime, knowing that such a part of you exists somewhere deep within.
- Try not to think about the pain you have or you cause. It is common to know we are good and yet not be able to accept it because we have become such strong critics of ourselves. That is why in this exercise we give the judgmental mind some rest.
Doing this often enough will soften you towards yourself. This softening is so important to soften towards others too. Only when we can feel the goodness within, can we really connect to the goodness in others despite all their obvious and visible faults.
In this exercise there is hope for the world too. The world gets to be a better place by at least one more person. You!
Do share what you believe about your inner self through your comments. We’d love to hear from you! Also, if you think anybody would benefit by reading this article, please do share it with them.
Image Credit: Jarosław Pocztarski
Dear Aadya,
This question is often posed to me. Being compassionate to others does not mean allowing them to hurt us. This is a common misunderstanding. Being compassionate towards people means understanding that they have their own struggles even though their actions may be causing discomfort to you. Being compassionate towards oneself means caring for oneself, having strong boundaries so that we don’t get too much hurt. For instance, if a friend often borrows money leaving you with not enough for your needs, being compassionate towards yourself would involve saying a no, but with compassion and understanding that the friend too has her struggles and problems and is not to blame.
All the best!
Ms. Sadia , your article is very interesting ,but i feel, sometimes if we are compassionate , in order to avoid hurting others we end up hurting ourselves. How do we become compassionate towards ourself ?
Well said Ramesh! When we miss being compassionate towards ourselves, we miss being compassionate towards others too.
Thank you Ms. Raval for sharing this insightful article. Various forms of meditation teach precisely the same thing – to train the mind to be calm and focus on one’s inner self, and realize one’s feelings better. Only those who realize that they too have their share of virtues and vices are able to accept others with all their faults. Also, those who are aware of their pros and cons have a better self-esteem. It is important for us to accept ourselves the way we are, before we expect others to accept us thus.
I too believe that every living being has immense inherent goodness, and we must tap into this goodness for harmonious relationships. If we respect others’ feelings and respond positively, it will bring out their ‘goodness’, and keep their not-so-good side dormant. It will help us become better human / social beings.