We typically focus a lot on building good relationships with others. We are constantly trying to be ‘good enough’ so we can maintain our relationships with them.
However we tend to forget that one of the most important relationships is the one we have with ourselves, and the first step to this relationship is becoming friends with yourself.
Many times, we are around people who consistently point out our flaws and make us feel like we’re not good enough. While others’ opinions may not always be in our hands, it is important to remember that what we do control how we view ourselves. That is why it is important for us to maintain a healthy relationship with ourselves.
You can only cultivate this good, healthy relationship with yourself if you try becoming friends with yourself.
This brings us to the question,
“What is your relationship with yourself?
— Is it one of anxiety, doubt, criticism, OR is it one of love and friendliness?
Puzzled?
That’s alright!
Questioning your Relationship With Yourself
Most of the time, we are not aware of what kind of relationship we have with ourselves, and that may be because we have never looked at ourselves from a newer perspective.
We can easily change that by asking ourselves one simple question–
“Are you a good friend to yourself?”
Now to answer this question, you need to take a moment to recall a mistake you made in the past, whatever first comes to your mind, maybe something that makes you cringe at yourself.
Think back to what was happening within your mind when you made that mistake and what you were telling yourself.
You might notice that you were saying things like “I am not good enough”, “How could I make a mistake?”, “What will people think about me?” and much more.
Now ask yourself, would you have the same reaction if your friend made the same mistake?
Probably not. There is a high chance that you would feel much more compassion for them.
You wouldn’t be so quick to judge them or belittle them, instead you would help them cope with their feelings by giving them space and comfort.
The negative talk that you implemented on yourself would probably never come up for your friends.Now, imagine what would happen if you were able to give yourself the same level of understanding and support!
It is true that many of us do not have a very friendly relationship with ourselves to begin with. However, being friends with yourself is an important part of your life and a positive outlook can be cultivated through time and effort. Becoming friends with yourself will pay off as you will gain the most reliable, lifelong friend within yourself.
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With Our Free E-Book ‘First Few Steps To Mindfulness’
An Activity- Becoming Friends with Yourself.
Let us do an activity today to develop a friendship with ourselves. To begin with, try to experience what it would look like to change our self-talk.
Try to think of 5 things that are good about yourself and make a list of them.
It is often difficult to see the good within us, so anything that you like about yourself, even the smallest thing, must be put down like; “I am enthusiastic.”
Try to think of abilities and strengths from your view point. You may think of examples which may or may not be visible to others. It does not matter what it is.
Step 1: Now take each of the points you have written and complete the following sentences. (For example, I appreciate myself for being enthusiastic.)
- I appreciate myself for ……
- I appreciate myself for ……
- I appreciate myself for ……
- I appreciate myself for ……
- I appreciate myself for ……
Step 2: Now visualize yourself sitting in a relaxed way, peacefully. Look at your imagined image for a few seconds. Then mentally say to your image each of the sentences in step 1.
Smile at your image after each sentence. Repeat each sentence as many times as you feel like saying it, or until you feel good about saying it.
After this exercise, notice how you are feeling. Were you able to wholeheartedly appreciate yourself for your gifts? Did you feel good about yourself?
Even if you did not, this is only the beginning. You are just getting started. You may not be great friends with yourself yet, but you have definitely taken a step on the path to becoming friends with yourself!
Devote 5 minutes everyday for this activity and begin your journey to being friends with yourself!
Simran Sharma
Simran works with teenagers, young adults, and the adult population. Her goal is to provide a non-judgmental environment to help clients become more self-aware and make a difference in their lives.
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