The very perceptive CIA Agent, Carrie, often digs out solutions that others may miss. She seems driven by her principles to catch the bad guys, and to uphold justice. In dealing with people who embody terrorism, she is objective and often ruthless. However, there are times when her objectivity can be questioned.
Spiritual practices and beliefs help us in many ways. They give us a sense of peace and solace, when times are tough. They also help us foster gratitude and guide us in our daily lives. Who would ever think that a religious or a spiritual belief or practice, could be a defense mechanism? What is the Defense Mechanism of Spiritual Bypass? A clinical psychologist, John Welwood coined the term Spiritual Bypass: It refers to the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with our painful feelings, unresolved emotional wounds and developmental needs. When spirituality is used as a defense, it acts as an escape from accepting reality. Examples of how Spiritual Bypass may be used as a defense mechanism: A lady stuck in an abusive marriage says that her spiritual belief is to accept her destiny and fate. She needs to continue to serve her husband. She hides behind this belief and does not acknowledge the pain, helplessness and trauma she is undergoing. A gentleman who meditates regularly and does yoga. Every time anger comes into him he represses it telling himself that one should always be compassionate and anger is not the correct response for someone who is spiritually inclined. A person who has a very poor self concept, is not able to accept it and work with it. But suddenly develops delusions of being highly evolved as he or she practices certain religious rituals on a daily basis. How does Phoebe use the Defense Mechanism of Spiritual Bypass? Phoebe, from the popular sitcom, Friends, has had a pretty tough life: her mother committed suicide, she grew up on the streets and was even homeless for some time. She never knew her father, she and her twin sister don’t have the merriest of relationships. But despite all that she is strong, resilient and ever smiling with her new age quips and hippie wishes for world peace. Throughout the show; Phoebe is depicted as having several spiritual beliefs which serve her a lot of good. However, she uses these beliefs sometimes to avoid facing her true feelings. In this shot, we watch Phoebe break the news of her grandmother’s death: https://youtu.be/cCphb3vi6qI If you followed the show regularly you would recall that Phoebe was extremely close to her grandmother especially after her mother committed suicide. In this clip she uses the spiritual bypass to avoid the deep sense of loss and feelings of grief that might have been under the surface. She says that she will see her grandmother again and that she will probably meet her soon, not acknowledging the fact that in real life she will be no more. Here is another interesting clip. https://youtu.be/gL4-cIVeBA0 Here, Phoebe is probably missing her mother and is unable to allow herself to feel these sense of missing and loss. Her mother had committed suicide when she was very young, so she probably felt very abandoned. In this video clip she assumes her mother is a cat. She also expresses a fear of the cat leaving her. How can you tell if you’re using Spiritual Bypass as a Defense? In his book Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us From What Really Matters(North Atlantic Books, 2010), Robert Augustus Masters lists the symptoms of spiritual bypassing: Symptoms of Spiritual Bypass: exaggerated detachment, emotional numbing and repression overemphasis on the positive, anger-phobia. Blind or overly tolerant compassion weak or too porous boundaries, lopsided development (cognitive intelligence often being far ahead of emotional and moral intelligence debilitating judgment about one’s negativity or shadow side, devaluation of the personal relative to the spiritual, delusions of having arrived at a higher level of being.” Also, what does one do if this is constantly occurring? The first step would be to notice each time you are doing it. The awareness can then lead you to understand what are the emotional wounds, unmet needs or things you are trying to avoid by using the spiritual bypass. Staying with those feelings would really help. A very important aspect of any spiritual practice or ritual is integrating it into our real lives. If you catch yourself building a wall around you or disconnecting from reality, you may need to ask yourself if you are really experiencing spirituality or are you merely intellectualizing it? And lastly, here is some advice from Thich Nacht Hanh: “Every time you give your internal formations a bath of mindfulness, the blocks of pain in you become lighter and less dangerous. So give your anger, your despair, your sorrow a bath of mindfulness every day—that is your practice. If mindfulness is not there, it is very unpleasant to have these seeds come up. But if you know how to generate the energy of mindfulness, it is very healing to invite them up every day and embrace them. And after several days or weeks of bringing them up daily and helping them go back down again, you create good circulation in your psyche, and the symptoms of mental illness will begin to disappear.” – Thich Nhat Hanh Post Contributed by: Michelle Pereira Image Credit: Bright/Kauffman/Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Television
Ruthless, narcissist, vile – she’s called many things. You either love Cersei Lannister or you hate her. Being one of the most complex characters in the fantasy world today she also has several defenses at the core of her being – that almost make up the essence of who she is.
This post is about Master Shifu, the Kung Fu Master from the Kung Fu Panda movie series. Master Shifu has many dualities:he feels both peace and rage, he’s disciplined yet soft. What defenses does this Zen Master need to cope?
Claire Underwood is a fictional character from the American political drama, House of Cards. Claire is known to be cold, power-hungry and even ideal to the public eye. But what defenses underlie her strong exterior? Read on to find out more.
Most of us have, at some point, found ourselves in the midst of suicidal thoughts. At least once, most of us might have thought about ‘ending it all’ or wished we could just ‘stop existing’ out of sheer exasperation. Having a fleeting thought about taking one’s life when feeling completely helpless about a life situation is natural. However, most of us move past it and we try dealing with our issues in some way or another.
If you’re new to the term “emotional eating,” reflect on these questions below: Do you eat to feel better (to comfort yourself when feeling upset, angry or anxious)?Do you use food as reward or an incentive?Do you feel like food is a friend?Do you unwittingly turn to food when you’re bored or simply need to while away time?Do you share a love-hate relationship with food? What is Emotional Eating? “When feeling unloved, facing rejection/ even processing the pain of rejection, or feeling abandoned, you want to make the pain go away. In an attempt to defend yourself from such pain and insecurity, you seek comfort and security through different means – food, being one of them.” – Kunjal Thus, emotional eating is turning to food for comfort, for relief from a distressing emotion, as a reward or an incentive or out of any emotional state rather than to satisfy hunger. How is Emotional Eating Different from Eating out of Hunger? • Emotional eating may involve craving for specific kinds of ‘comfort’ food – while hunger does not. Hardly will you crave for vegetables or ‘healthy’ foods when it is out of an emotional cause. In fact, there’s a tendency to crave for foods high on sugar content or fats is more, when it is for an emotional need. • Emotional hunger can come on suddenly – in response to a trigger, a situation or an emotion, as opposed to physical hunger, which tends to build gradually. • You may be less aware of how much you’re eating when there’s emotional hunger. You may suddenly realize that the entire packet of chips is empty or you’ve finished the whole bar of chocolate without really experiencing it. • Emotional eating makes you feel guilty and ashamed after having eaten, as opposed to eating for physical hunger – which makes you feel content and calm. How are Eating and Emotions Related? Food as a means of exercising control: “When emotions are experienced as overwhelming i.e. when there is a belief that ‘I cannot tolerate this emotion’, there is a need to do something about the feeling. One starts feeling helpless and feels the urge to do something to alleviate the experience of the emotion.” – Namrata It is in such a state of helplessness, feeling out of control, that emotional eating comes in as a ‘relief’ – a) more directly as a result of consuming food containing sugar or fats, which are physiologically are capable of having a calming, soothing effect and b) because the act of eating distracts us from experiencing the disturbing emotion and gives us the feeling that we are ‘doing’ something and so are not totally helpless. Food as a means of seeking nurturance: Food is unconsciously associated with nurturance since we are born – of being fed, being looked after and a feeling of safety. Thus, one may find themselves binging on food, when they are looking for comfort. “It’s not an uncommon scene to watch mothers forcing their little ones to eat and the mothers themselves feeling guilty if their child hasn’t eaten well.” – Megha. Food as coping mechanism for survivors of abuse: Some of the survivors of sexual abuse eat a lot so as to gain weight as a means of protecting themselves from unwanted attention or sexual advances. On the other extreme, they may starve themselves of food over the feeling that they don’t deserve anything good. “Individuals who have experienced neglect, abuse or deprivation in their childhoods may have a tendency to hoard food, as food is associated with nurturance, which they may experience a lack of.” – Ashwini Treating oneself harshly: The lack of self-worth “Back in the days, most of us woudl feel happy about a meal and not bother talking about it. Now after every meal, we tend to analyse every bit of it. Can you imagine how exhausting it is? To constantly feel guilty, sad and get worked up after everything we eat!” – Nandita This tussle sometimes, is really between yourself and your Inner Critic – the part of you that constantly tells you to keep doing better, pointing out your flaws – at times keeping you motivated but often, making you feel like you are not good enough! The Inner Critic sometimes believes strongly in either or all of the following, each of which, realistically speaking, may be extremely idealistic: • I must look and be perfect • I must not make any mistakes • Everyone must like me “The Inner Critic ties our self-worth, the way we feel about ourselves, tightly to the realisation of these beliefs. It makes you believe that if these expectations aren’t met, you aren’t good enough. Thus, the Inner Critic has us on a leash, constantly asking us to strive for most ideal standards.” – Sindhura Thus, when self-worth becomes dependent on such unrealistic expectations, the tendency to be self-critical can show itself in making us feel extremely conscious about our eating habits and giving rise to guilt. Understand And Practice Mindfulness Through Our ‘Free Mindfulness Videos’ Click here Aiming for perfection: The role of guilt “We live in the generation of constantly being preoccupied with our dietary needs and fitness goals. We are all very self-conscious.” – Michelle Usually, the problem does not lie in aiming for healthy weight and then making efforts to maintain it. The issue really is the intense need to go beyond and attain perfection, the definition of which itself, can be very subjective and often dictated by society. “Anyway once the ‘ideal’ weight is attained, we find it difficult to accept even a slight change in the measurements and if there is an increase the automatic thought would be- “I guess I ate too many sweets yesterday” rather than thinking about other contributing factors like stress or hormonal changes.” – Gitali Instead of eating healthy or exercising most of us spend time feeling really guilty about eating and not exercising. Overwhelming guilt could lead you to stay away from certain foods for a long period and then suddenly make
“Don’t cry. Boys don’t cry.”
“Hahahah! Beaten by a GIRL! What a wuss!”
Though most of us would say we support the rights of LGBT, very few of us truly strive to understand the LGBT community with an empathetic, open mind and even fewer are aware of the subtle ways in which we still fall prey to stereotypes and thereby, perpetuate them.
Gender dysphoria refers to the intense distress, anxiety, confusion and guilt that an individual goes through when their biological sex comes into conflict with social constructs of gender. It is manifested by a stated desire to be the other sex, frequent passing as the other sex, desire to live or be treated as the other sex and through various other means. It is real and it happens more often than you think.
May is Better Sleep Month, so let’s explore sleep, one of the elements of our lifestyle that we don’t pay conscious attention to, unlike dieting or exercising. You must know that not getting enough sleep over a long period of time could signal a deeper psychological concern and can have further implications on your mental health.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
A young woman from another country moved with her family to live for one year in a town near the monastery. When, in the course of the year she discovered the monastery, she would periodically visit to have discussions with the Abbess. The Abbess introduced her to meditation, which became very meaningful for the young woman.
When the family’s year-long stay was drawing to an end, the young woman asked the Abbess, “In my country there is no Buddhism and no one has even heard about meditation. How can I continue to learn and deepen the practice you have started me on?”
The Abbess said, “When you return home ask far and wide for who, among the wise people, is recognized as having the greatest ability to listen. Ask that person to instruct you in the art of listening. What you learn about listening from such a person will teach you how to further your meditation practice.
― Gil Fronsdal, A Monastery Within: Tales from the Buddhist Path
