Inner Space team

Overcoming Addiction: Understanding The Trauma Behind Addiction

Leave a Comment / Addiction / Inner Space Team / March 30, 2024 / managing emotions

“It’s not about what’s wrong with you, it’s about what happened to you.” When you’re battling addiction, it’s easy to overlook how your past experiences play a role. Maybe others, even yourself, don’t fully grasp why you’re struggling. But here’s the truth: understanding the trauma behind your addiction can be the key that unlocks your path to recovery. Healing from the patterns developed from the past isn’t about blaming or dwelling on the pain. It’s about giving yourself a chance to rewrite your story. You deserve a narrative free from shame, filled with triumph, freedom, and most importantly, self-acceptance. What Is Addiction? Addiction goes far beyond a simple habit. It is a feeling of a powerful urge to engage in something, even if it harms your health or relationships. You know it’s not good for you, yet the pull is relentless, the craving a constant tug-of-war within. Addiction often doesn’t exist in a vacuum. While sometimes it may seem like a personal failing, the roots of this struggle can often be traced back to past experiences. All forms of trauma can leave lasting scars that manifest in unhealthy coping mechanisms, seeking solace in substances or behaviors that numb the pain. But there is hope. With the right support, understanding, and resources, you can recover from addiction. Recovery isn’t easy, but learning the trauma behind the addiction can help you view yourself from a space of self-compassion, instead of shame and guilt. Exploring The Link Between Trauma & Addiction The shadow of trauma can be relentless, constantly reminding you of the pain you’ve endured. Addiction, in its twisted way, can become a shield, a desperate attempt to never look back, to escape the echoes of your past. Whether you witnessed or experienced trauma, it leaves a mark on your mind and body. It’s like your brain gets stuck in a state of alarm, constantly scanning for danger. This triggers anxiety, hypervigilance, and even flashbacks, making it difficult to move forward and build a new life. And the burden doesn’t stop there. Trauma often carries a heavy weight of shame, making you feel responsible for what happened. This is simply not true. You were not to blame. When your mind feels like a warzone, filled with painful memories, shame, and overwhelming emotions, addiction can seem like the only way out. Some substances offer a temporary hope to escape the inner chaos. Others might make you feel something, anything, to drown out the numbness or painful silence within. You might tell yourself you’re using it to cope, to feel better, to avoid remembering. But the truth is, addiction only deepens the pain it seeks to mask. It isolates you, erodes your self-worth, and keeps you trapped in the past. However, you must remember that recovery is possible, from both addiction and trauma. There are countless individuals who have walked this path before. And you can certainly break this cycle of addiction with the right support and resources. Are your addictions holding you back? Counseling can be a great tool for you to manage and overcome your addictions and lead a happy, fulfilling life. We are here for you. Book an Appointment How Trauma Keeps You Stuck In The Cycle of Addiction Emotional Dysregulation: Trauma can disrupt your ability to manage difficult emotions, leading to reliance on substances as a numbing mechanism. This creates a cycle where addiction masks the underlying pain, preventing healthy coping skills from developing. Triggers and Painful Memories: Traumatic experiences can leave behind emotional triggers that activate cravings and relapse. Substances offer a temporary escape from these triggers but ultimately reinforce the addictive cycle. Shame and Guilt: Trauma often carries shame, leading individuals to blame themselves for their experiences and addiction. This negativity fuels isolation and hinders the self-compassion needed to break free. Disrupted Brain Chemistry: Trauma can alter brain chemistry, making individuals more susceptible to addiction by increasing the reward response to substances and decreasing the ability to resist cravings. Avoidance and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Using substances to avoid painful memories and emotions creates a barrier to healing. This avoidance hinders the development of healthy coping mechanisms and perpetuates the cycle of addiction. A Trauma-Informed Path To Dealing With Addiction Since addiction often exists as a symptom of trauma, recovering from addiction using a trauma-informed lens can be very potent. Such an approach acknowledges how trauma makes it difficult to regulate emotions, find healthy coping mechanisms, and how it alters your brain chemistry. Here are a few features of a trauma-informed approach to recovering from addiction. Understanding your story: Through therapy and support groups, you can begin to explore how past experiences have shaped your present reality. This builds self-awareness and empowers you to make informed choices about healing. Healing the trauma: Trauma-specific therapies like EMDR, somatic therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy can help you process and desensitize painful memories, reducing their impact on your present life. Building emotional regulation skills: Learning healthy coping mechanisms like mindfulness, relaxation techniques, and communication skills creates the capacity for staying with difficult emotions without resorting to substances. Building a supportive community: Surrounding yourself with individuals who have walked similar paths provides invaluable support, encouragement, and a sense of belonging. Self-care Habits: Prioritizing healthy habits like exercise, healthy eating, and sleep nourishes your body and mind while fostering a sense of self-worth and personal agency. These habits can help decrease addiction Healing from trauma and addiction isn’t a linear journey. You will be met with many twists and turns along the way. While trauma makes addiction complicated, it doesn’t mean that recovery is impossible. You can overcome addiction, and by understanding your past, you’re taking the first powerful step toward a brighter future. About the Author This article was written by Parvathi Ganesan, Counselor at Inner Space. This post was consulted & approved by professional therapists practicing online therapy and counseling. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about loneliness and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is

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The Hidden Causes Of Eating Disorders: It’s Not What You Think

Leave a Comment / Anxiety, Miscellaneous / Inner Space Team / March 23, 2024 / binge eating, emotional eating, feeling low, managing emotions

The world often sees eating disorders as just a food and weight issue. But for you, the one struggling, it’s likely way more complex. When you delve deeper into the interplay between food and your self-perception, there is an intricate web of causes of eating disorders. Understanding the deeper “whys” behind your struggles can be a powerful tool in your journey towards recovery. In this article, we will uncover the psychological defenses and factors that may be contributing to eating disorders. What Is An Eating Disorder? Eating disorders aren’t about the food itself, but about a complex relationship with it and your body. It’s deeper than just counting calories – it’s about intense guilt and shame over having a small treat. While the types of eating disorders differ, one common thread is the overwhelming focus on food and body image. Understanding how this pattern developed is the first step towards recovery and a healthier relationship with yourself. The Hidden Causes of Eating Disorders We all have patterns in our lives, some helpful, some not so much. But why do we stick to these unhelpful patterns? Below are a few reasons why eating disorders emerge. Remember, there is no one single reason that can cause an eating disorder. Eating disorders can be caused due to a complex interplay between nature, nurture, and how the mind works. However, learning about the often ignored aspects of eating disorders can aid in your journey towards recovery. 1. Viewing Food As A Reward You might find yourself reaching for food after a long, draining day at work, a heavy meal offering a sense of comfort and reward. It’s like a promise you make to yourself: “Get through this, and you can have a treat.” Food becomes a bargaining chip, a way to motivate yourself and feel appreciated in the face of challenges. However, if you are struggling with a pattern of disordered eating, this tendency can backfire. Slowly, every difficult situation becomes a reason to indulge and overeat, resulting in eating disorders like bulimia and binge eating. The temporary comfort from that heavy meal can’t truly address the underlying stress or exhaustion. In fact, it might even leave you feeling worse, trapped in a cycle of emotional eating and self-blame. 2. Using Food To Gain A False Sense of Control Life throws curveballs, and sometimes, it feels easier to control something, anything. Food can become that source of control, especially during stressful times like moving to a new city or being in a new job. The unfamiliar can be overwhelming, and the routine of restricting food can feel like a way to manage the chaos. But like trying to control the weather, this sense of control is ultimately an illusion. Avoiding new experiences and clinging to rigid eating patterns, however comforting in the short term, can contribute to eating disorders like anorexia, where anxiety manifests as a need for extreme control. Often control is a pattern formed by past traumas. If you have experiences of feeling completely out of control or helpless as a child, or even traumatized, abandoned, or abused, you may develop unhealthy control patterns, trying to manage and control everything in your surroundings. Such control can also get manifested as control of food, and can lead to anorexia- like tendencies where you control and develop perfectionism around food to the extent that it occupies a great deal of your mind space and leaves you with little energy to focus on other things in your life. 3. Using Food To Detach and Dissociate Ancient Buddhist wisdom tells the unhelpful patterns we indulge in, like eating disorders for example, are often a way to avoid pain and suffering. We might turn to food for comfort, seeking a temporary escape from overwhelming emotions like loneliness, sadness, or fear. For example, imagine going through a tough breakup. You’re dealing with a wave of emotions that feel impossible to handle – the heartache, the emptiness. In that moment, a tub of decadent chocolate ice-cream might seem like the perfect solution, numbing the pain, one scoop at a time. On the other end, becoming “food-focused” as seen in anorexia- that is, being focused on what goes in and measuring everything, becomes a way of not sitting with the difficult stuff in your life. Thus, food can be a way to avoid or detach, either by using it to numb yourself by indulging, or by being too focused on food to avoid feeling your emotions. While enjoying food with friends or indulging occasionally is totally okay, using it to constantly numb emotional pain can become counterproductive. It might feel like you’re moving on, but those difficult emotions are still there, buried beneath the surface. Over time, this pattern of ignoring your feelings can be one of the reasons that contribute to an eating disorder. 4. Using Food To Attain Perfectionism Our society and social media bombards us with distorted images and unrealistic expectations, making it easy to feel inadequate and fall prey to the trap of perfectionism. Individuals struggling with eating disorders may base their self-worth solely on their appearance. The eating disorder then becomes a relentless pursuit of an unattainable ideal, offering a temporary sense of validation and achievement. However, in the long run, this pursuit distorts and negatively affects your body image. 5. Becoming The Harshest Critic You Know Imagine looking in the mirror and hearing that critical voice calling you names. It might then turn its attention to your body, fueling negative self-perception. This relentless negativity could be your inner critic trying to shield you from potential hurt by others. The logic might be: “If I hurt myself first, others’ words won’t have the same power to wound me.” This self-inflicted pain, through binging or restricting food, then becomes a twisted form of self-protection. 6. Using Food To Punish Yourself In eating disorders, food transforms from a source of nourishment into a tool for self-inflicted punishment. Imagine feeling overwhelmed by stress or a perceived failure, and instead

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A Simple Mindfulness Practice: Noticing Yourself Smile

Leave a Comment / Mindfulness and Meditation / Inner Space Team / March 16, 2024 / compassion, how to be kind, how to be mindful, how to meditate, meditation, mindfulness

The purpose of this article is to help you be more aware of the nature of your smile through a simple mindfulness practice. Here are some questions for you to answer: What is your smile like? Is it a smirk? Is it a big toothy grin?Are you aware of your smile when in conversation with others and also when you are alone?Do you smile often?Do you have a serious look?Do you smile at yourself when you look in the mirror?Some of the questions may have been easy to answer, some not so easy. Here is how you can try this mindfulness practice to notice and be more mindful of your smile. Want To Start Practicing Mindfulness Meditation? Mindfulness is a beautiful practice that helps us become rooted in life. It involves getting our minds back to the present and paying attention to the life that is unfolding right now within and around us. Start Here A Simple, Mindfulness Practice To Start Smiling ‘Mindfully’ 1. Bring your smile into your awareness: From the time you wake up till the time you go to bed stay with awareness of your smile. Take note of the times you smile. Take note of the times you are not smiling. Do not force your smile to appear or try to keep it away. 2. Notice how smiling makes you feel: Be aware of what the different sensations and movements in your body as you smile. Feel how your cheeks respond to your smile. It may also stir some senses in the rest of your body; observe how the smile makes you feel in your chest center and your stomach. Can you feel the smile in your toes or anywhere else in the body? Do your eyes smile along with your lips? Also notice yourself when you are not smiling. Do you have a straight face? Do your lips turn downwards into a curve? Does your face tend to naturally pout? Be aware of what you do with your lips when you are not speaking. Use this mindfulness practice to stay in awareness. A beautiful excerpt from Thich Nhat Hahn’s book, Being Peace, helps put mindful smiling into perspective: During walking meditation, during kitchen and garden work, during sitting meditation, all day long, we can practice smiling. At first you may find it difficult to smile, and we have to think about why. Smiling means that we are ourselves, that we are not drowned into forgetfulness. This kind of smile can be seen on the faces of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. I would like to offer one short poem you can recite from time to time, while breathing and smiling. Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment. About the Author This article was written by Counselors & Mindfulness Trainers at Inner Space. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about mindfulness and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs What Is Meditation? How To Use Mindfulness During Stressful Situations Cultivating A Beginner’s Mind

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Here’s The Truth About Feeling Lonely

Leave a Comment / Depression / Inner Space Team / March 9, 2024 / feeling low, managing depression, managing emotions, sadness, self help

The world is more connected than ever. Think about this, a mere click connects us to the other side of the globe. Social media buzzes with constant chatter, and we are just a plane ride away from the most remote places on earth. Yet, a strange irony persists: feeling lonely now seems more common than ever. Rates of loneliness, anxiety, and depression have been rising consistently. Recently, the WHO has declared loneliness to be a “global health threat.” There is a missing piece in this puzzle- we need to understand why we feel alone even while we are right in the middle of connection. In this article, we dive into the roots of loneliness, trying to seek solutions, not just to stop feeling lonely, but to truly understand the deeper meaning behind it. What is Loneliness? Loneliness is a complex emotion, and each individual has their own meaning around feeling lonely. Feeling lonely is more than just being alone, it’s the pain of disconnection even when we are amidst others. Feeling lonely can be transient, or can even be stretched to a life time. Chronic loneliness can weaken our immune system, fuel depression and anxiety, and even affect our physical health. Loneliness can be confusing feeling and it can be complicated to identify. We may feel left out out of the fun of life. We might feel excluded from life’s joys, wondering why others seem to effortlessly connect while we feel like a puzzle piece that just doesn’t belong. These feelings can create a vicious cycle, pushing us further away from others as our mind whispers doubts about our ability to connect meaningfully. Loneliness feels like a dark cloud that follows us around. It makes us feel lost and alone, even when we’re surrounded by people. We try to ignore it by connecting with others in unhealthy ways, but that doesn’t make it better. The real solution is to find deep and meaningful connections with others. These connections will help us feel happy and fulfilled again. We are not alone. Everyone at some point or the other feels lonely. It is a shared, human condition. The Truth about Feeling Lonely The tendency to feel lonely has been deeply embedded into our systems since the wake of mankind. As a social creatures, we needed others to survive. We moved in packs, fought predators, found food, and thrived. Therefore, moving away from the pack meant that we are more exposed to threat. So the ache of loneliness served as a alarm system to remind us to reconnect with our pack, as being alone would result be a threat to our existence. Fast forward to today, where wild animals aren’t the immediate threat, the same pain of feeling lonely persists. When we feel excluded from our social circle, that ache might seem like a personal failing. However, it’s simply an echo of our evolutionary past, a reminder of the importance of connection. The discomfort of loneliness can be a powerful guide, a gentle nudge towards building a deeper connection with ourselves. Look Inward when you are Feeling Lonely Our minds are wired for pleasure, seeking what feels good and avoiding discomfort. But sometimes, exploring the “not-so-good” areas, like choosing healthy food over junk or facing difficult emotions like feeling lonely, opens doors to deeper self-awareness. Feeling lonely can signal the need for social connection. However, seeking one-sided connections or isolating ourselves due to feeling like a misfit can be counterproductive. Both behaviors can prevent us from enjoying our own company and finding joy in solitude. This avoidance of feeling lonely might stem from a belief that we are not good company for ourselves. But remember, loneliness is a normal human experience, and it can also be a valuable guide. It can signal a need for inner connection, a time to simply “be” without external stimulation. Sometimes, just embracing our own company can lead to incredible self-discoveries. We learn our likes, dislikes, values, and what we truly desire in relationships. Being content with ourselves doesn’t mean shutting others out. Instead, it’s about deepening our connection with our authentic self, nurturing relationships that feel safe, reciprocal, and fulfilling. Two Ways to look at Loneliness We tend to believe how loneliness can only be resolved by seeking more relationships. However, looking inward, being with oneself can also lighten the burden of loneliness and help you view your relationships in a better light. Thus, the key to managing loneliness is to find a balance between the relationship we have with ourselves, and with others. Here are some ways to manage loneliness by reaching out and looking within: Connecting With Yourself: Doing your favourite hobbies, exploring activities you enjoy, or pursuing interests by yourself Practicing mindfulness can help you turn inward and manage the negative emotions that come with feeling lonely Connecting With Others: Be a part of clubs, groups, or organizations Explore online communities Try volunteering for a social cause Feeling lonely doesn’t diminish your worth. It’s a shared human experience, a signal that something within needs attention. Embrace this feeling as an opportunity to explore both your inner and outer landscapes, building a richer, more fulfilling life in the process. You are not alone on this journey, and both self and social connection can play vital roles in finding your way back to belonging. Is your Loneliness holding you back? Counseling can be a great tool for you to manage and overcome your loneliness and lead a happy, fulfilling life. We are here for you. Book an Appointment About the Author This article was written by Parvathi Ganesan, Counselor at Inner Space. This post was consulted & approved by professional therapists practicing online therapy and counseling. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about loneliness and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Do

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5 Ways To Manage Conflict In The Workplace

Leave a Comment / Stress at Work / Inner Space Team / March 2, 2024 / how to be mindful, mindfulness, slowing down, work stress

5 Ways To Manage Conflict In The Workplace Conflicts are a common occurrence in life, be it at home, in relationships, or at work. Conflict in the workplace can often feel like your entire career is crumbling down. But when they are handled constructively, they can be valuable learning opportunities and can even strengthen workplace connections. It’s true, not all conflicts are positive. Some can indeed damage professional relationships and spiral into heated arguments, hindering your career growth. That’s why equipping yourself with the knowledge and tools to manage workplace conflict effectively is crucial. By transforming clashes into productive discussions, you can navigate these situations with confidence. This article delves into five simple yet powerful strategies for managing workplace conflict and explores some common causes behind these disagreements. Make mindfulness a part of your organization with our Corporate Mindfulness Training Create a happy, emotionally resilient and healthy workplace. Book an Appointment What is a conflict? Conflict is a disagreement between individuals, and can disrupt your career path at work. Like fixing a broken step, resolving conflict effectively with understanding and solution-seeking can get you back on track and even strengthen your journey. However, remember, abuse involving power imbalance and deliberate harm is not conflict, and requires prioritizing your safety and seeking help from authorities and legal counsel. Common Reasons Why There Could Be A Conflict In The Workplace Conflict in the workplace can arise from a myriad of situations. Here are some common reasons why workplace conflicts occur. Communication Issues: Communication breakdowns are a breeding ground for conflict in the workplace. Unclear instructions, information silos, passive-aggressive communication, and feeling unseen all erode trust, damage morale, and ultimately lead to clashes. Remember, clear and open communication is the foundation for a healthy and productive work environment. Unclear Roles And Responsibilities: A lack of clarity in what your set of tasks or roles are at work can cause frustration, stress, and often lead to burnout. This can look like not receiving a clear set of instructions or outline of your tasks, or a mismatch between what you are expected to do, and what you are actually doing at work. Excess Workload: Feeling constantly swamped with tasks and lacking support breeds resentment, demotivation, and workplace conflict. It’s not just the workload, it’s the feeling of being set up to fail. Personality Mismatches: Everyone is different- you may have a different approach from your colleagues in handling tasks, communication, or in terms of work ethic. Thus, having clashing approaches or simply different personality styles can lead to ruptures and conflicts at work. Toxic Work Environment: Sometimes the larger work culture or environment can also create a ground for more conflict in the workplace. Workspaces where discrimination, harassment, inappropriate behavior, unethical and illegal practices are commonplace can cause frustration, burnout, and serious conflicts at work. 5 Ways To Manage Conflict In The Workplace Listen Actively and With Empathy: Try to imagine yourself in the shoes of the other person. What would they be feeling or experiencing right now? Have you felt that way before, how did you feel when something similar happened to you? This is how you build empathy and non-judgment. When you are in a conflict, actively listen to the other person by making eye contact, nodding, and summarizing what they are saying to ensure that there are no misunderstandings. This approach towards handling conflict in the workplace helps to turn your conflicts into productive conversations. Map Out Goals and Agenda: Setting a clear agenda or goal prior to the conversation to resolve the conflict can keep you focused on what you plan to learn and achieve from the conversation. This ensures that you don’t get swayed by overwhelming emotions, or cause the conversation to turn into a blame-game. It Is Okay To Take A Pause: Sometimes, it is possible for a conflict to turn into a heated debate. Notice how your body responds to this conversation or conflict you are having with someone. All conflicts can be confrontational, and mildly uncomfortable. However, it is always best to take a break from it when you are feeling overwhelmed. Taking time out to breathe and compose yourself for a few minutes can help you cool down and turn the conflict into a fruitful conversation. Use Open and Clear Communication: Try avoiding the blame game in workplace conflict. Opt for “I” statements like “I feel stressed by the workload” instead of accusatory “you” phrases. This fosters understanding and opens doors to solutions, unlike putting others on the defensive. Remember, it’s “us vs. the problem,” not “you vs. me.” Seek Common Ground: Try to view conflict as an opportunity to learn more about your colleague and as a way to find solutions that work for both of you. You can brainstorm for ideas to resolve the issue in hand by meeting in the middle. Conflicts are an inevitable part of building any relationship, including those at work. Since no two individuals or groups are identical, disagreements are bound to arise. However, it’s important to remember that workplace conflict isn’t about avoiding differences entirely, but rather using them as an opportunity to strengthen your team bonds. By strategically applying these tips, you can effectively manage conflict in the workplace and cultivate a more positive, productive environment. Remember, the art of conflict resolution isn’t about crowning a winner, but finding a “win-win” solution that benefits everyone involved. And if managing workplace conflict feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek help from your manager, HR, or a trusted colleague who can act as a neutral mediator. About the Author This article was written by Parvathi Ganesan, a Counselor & Psychologist at Inner Space. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about how you can practice mindfulness at work and/or other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Cultivating A Beginner’s Mind

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Trauma In Relationships: The Hidden Barrier To Love And Connection

Leave a Comment / Relationships / Inner Space Team / February 24, 2024 / benefits of therapy, counselling and therapy, counselling process, couples counselling, go for therapy, relationship issues, self help

Trauma can create a lens through which you view the world as an unsafe, unpredictable, and unwelcoming place. This distorted view can extend to your relationships, making it challenging to find the safety and connection that others seem to find easily. Therefore, trauma can affect your relationships by creating a barrier between you and the opportunity of co-creating a healthy, peaceful, loving, intimate relationship. If you find yourself stuck in this cycle, learning about the effects of trauma in relationships is key towards breaking free and nurturing wholesome, fulfilling, intimate relationships. Signs Of Trauma In Relationships Take a critical look at your relationships, and ask yourself what might be standing between you and the fulfilling connection you seek. It could be difficulties managing emotions, struggles with self-esteem, challenges in creating and sustaining connections, or trouble expressing thoughts and feelings during conflicts with your partner. Here are some ways trauma impacts your relationships: Trauma Can Cause Trust Issues In Relationships: If you are someone who has experienced the pain of betrayal from a previous relationship, you may find it challenging to trust your current partner. You may feel doubtful of their actions, and look out for signs of betrayal, and constantly worry about how they may betray you. Every healthy relationship is built on trust. Therefore, past trauma can often result in trust issues in your relationships. Trauma Can Make You Avoid Emotional Intimacy With Your Partner: If you withhold affection and feel uncomfortable in intimate relationships, it could be a way to protect yourself from the discomfort that emotional intimacy brings. This could show up as ghosting someone you are dating, avoiding deep, emotional conversations, and expressing your true feelings for your partner. Distance takes away the safety and comfort that intimacy brings to a relationship, making it challenging for you to feel fulfilled and content in your relationships. Trauma Can Cause Separation Anxiety In Your Relationships: Experiencing some level of emotional or physical abandonment in childhood, or from a previous relationship, can build a deep-rooted fear of it happening again. This can look like constantly worrying that a partner may leave, and constantly asking for reassurance from your partner. You may feel like your partner is too good for you, and that they will find someone better. You may feel empty, anxious, and hopeless without your partner’s presence. This can make it challenging for you to be yourself in relationships, causing a lot stress and possible conflicts in them. Trauma Can Make It Challenging To Manage Your Emotions: Trauma can make you feel like you are stuck in a rollercoaster of emotions. This can look like having intense mood swings, lashing out at your partner, shutting down or feeling emotionally numb, zoned out during conflicts. These extreme highs and lows can impact the stability and results in a strained relationship. Trauma Can Affect Your Attachment Styles: If you have been in an unhealthy family dynamic during childhood, you may notice a pattern developing in your present relationships. This can look like having a pattern of ending relationships abruptly, or being too close or clingy with your partners, or choosing emotionally unavailable partners. Sometimes, these tendencies may go unnoticed, and you may feel you are simply unlucky in love. But, if you notice them, you may find the answer, and a way to heal your past trauma, work on your attachment styles, and break this cycle of unhealthy relationships. Trauma Can Take A Toll On Your Self-Worth And Self-Esteem: Having a low self-esteem from past trauma could cause you to turn to your partner to seek their constant validation and approval. You may feel like only their opinion matters, forgetting the importance of having your own. You may place your partner on a pedestal, and this can create an imbalance in the power dynamic in your relationship. Also, a low level of self esteem can also make you push away your partner as you believe, deep down, that you don’t deserve them. Trauma Can Make Communicating With Your Partner Difficult: Do you struggle to express what you truly want in your relationships? Do you go ahead with whatever your partner wants, without really looking into what you want? These could be signs of communication challenges in relationships. Struggling with how you express your emotional needs and wants in a relationship could stem from having experienced verbal or emotional trauma or abuse during childhood. A lack of healthy communication can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in your relationships. Trauma Can Make It Challenging To Think Of A Long-Term Relationship: Your past trauma can make you believe that you are undeserving of happiness and love. Relationships can feel unsafe, making it seem like all the pain of the past will resurface. Therefore, past trauma can make it challenging for you be in long-term relationships, and look into the future. Contact Us Counseling is a process that can help you learn more about yourself and your relationships. Our Counselors are trained to help you with a wide range of concerns. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with us, please click the link below. Book an Appointment Healing From Trauma In Relationships Through Therapy Trauma doesn’t make you a bad person-regardless of what your actions, thoughts, or even your partner may tell you. When trauma happens, your mind and body quickly get to finding ways to protect you by whatever means possible. But why? Your mind and body does this to protect you from the trauma happening again. Thus, all of the behaviours you label as “bad” are, in fact, ways your body deemed okay as a response to what happened in the past. So, your tendency to shut down during arguments can be seen as a protective mechanism to save you from feeling attacked, hurt, or abandoned as you felt in the past. But, these protective mechanisms can become counterproductive over time. These approaches to protect yourself can hold you back from experiencing true intimacy, which comes from being open, curious, and vulnerable with

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An Act of Kindness: Mindfulness Exercise

Leave a Comment / Mindfulness and Meditation / Inner Space Team / February 10, 2024 / compassion, how to be kind, how to be mindful, how to meditate, meditation, mindfulness

In the hustle and bustle of your daily life, do you find yourself always on the run? Constantly moving from one place to another or from one task to another? What are the kind of things that you pay attention to? Things to be done, the breaking news on television and your phone amongst many things. In this flurry of experiences, when was the last time you stopped to notice an act of kindness? Research does indicate that humans have a tendency to pay attention to the negative as opposed to the positive. Negative acts are more obvious to the eye than positive acts. The good news is, you can choose to consciously bring your attention to the things you want to notice. And you can begin by choosing to notice kindness in the world around you. Want To Start Practicing Mindfulness Meditation? Mindfulness is a beautiful practice that helps us become rooted in life. It involves getting our minds back to the present and paying attention to the life that is unfolding right now within and around us. Start Here Mindfulness Exercise: Noticing Acts of Kindness “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain It can sometimes feel like joy and kindness don’t exist in the world anymore but the truth is, it is a matter of paying attention and noticing these moments. If you were ever a part of the girls guide or boys scout camp in school; you would remember the ‘one good deed a day’ policy. In this exercise you need to just notice the act of kindness which you may observe or experience in your day to day life. Here are some examples: A smile of acknowledgment when someone sees you Your watchman opening the door for you Your household helper doing work to make your home more comfortable Someone who was polite to you and said – a please, a thank you, a sorry, a forgive me or an excuse me Someone who texted /called/emailed you a joke or an inspiring read or just a random ‘how are you’ message These are just a few examples – and we are sure there must be plenty more that you’ll have an opportunity to observe throughout your day. Sometimes we are too busy just looking at the ground that we fail to see the blue skies above our head. At the end of the day, we urge you to introspect on and notice each act of kindness that you witnessed and allow yourself to take it in! About the Author This article was written by Counselors & Mindfulness Trainers at Inner Space. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about mindfulness and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs What Is Meditation? How To Use Mindfulness During Stressful Situations Cultivating A Beginner’s Mind

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How You Can Sleep Better Using Mindfulness

Leave a Comment / Mindfulness and Meditation / Inner Space Team / January 27, 2024 / how to be mindful, mindfulness, sleep problems, stress management

Since sleep is such an integral part of our well-being, let’s explore some of the reasons for ever growing sleep difficulties and how you can use mindfulness to sleep better. A sleep disturbance is rarely ever a standalone problem. If you don’t get much sleep especially because you tend to start getting many many thoughts the moment you lie down in bed, then you are certainly not alone. In fact you have loads of company. The reason why this tends to happen is hypervigilance. Hypervigilance: Why we don’t feel rested When you worry, your body is not at rest, it cannot be. It feels like it is facing a threat and it is preparing for that threat. The brain does not always understand with clarity the difference between real and imagined threat. It cannot allow you to sleep in the face of a threat (it is simply protecting you). Moreover if you are used to worrying, it also becomes a well rehearsed brain pattern and the vigilance becomes natural. All of this affects you in the day time as well. But at night when you suddenly decide to switch off this brain activity, you realize your brain is still in the mode of preparing for threat and does not want to calm down and co-operate. Here Is How You Can Use Mindfulness To Sleep Better Here are some mindfulness practices and tips that can help you sleep better. 1. Foundations of a restful night begin in the day: How you live through your day and arrive at your night has a lot to do with how well you sleep. When you are constantly repeating plans, worrying about deadlines and rechecking things to do, you are getting excessively vigilant. Such an overwhelmed brain may find it difficult to settle down. Start being mindful during the day. Pay attention to the activities you are doing. Try to allow thoughts of future and worry to simply come and leave as you refocus on the present. 2. Prepare for the night: Lower the volume of your TV, dim the lights, and allow the gentle darkness of the night to sink into your system. Invite yourself to get slower as night approaches. Move slowly, eat less, and perhaps take a warm mindful bath. All of this gently signals the brain that it can let go of the inertia of a busy packed day and the worries of the next day. 3. Learn to like rest: This is a very important one. While most of us crave rest, few of us really like it. We fill up potential rest time surfing the internet, on social media,TV, playing on the phone – all of which are stimulating, not restful. Maybe I will elaborate on this in another post soon. But for now, try to ask yourself and your body what you really need at this moment – a different stimulation or rest. Even if you don’t feel like sleeping, simply close your eyes and focus on a few breaths. Sometimes if you are feeling very wound up, inhaling from your nose and exhaling gently from your mouth like a sigh may help too. 4. Say a prayer of gratitude to the universe: The idea behind this is not to make up or pretend to like your day even if it was tough. But maybe you can bring to mind anything at all that went well. Some tasty food, a smile exchange, or just that there is bed now on which you can rest. For a few moments, simply close your eyes and feel grateful for these. 5. Try not to worry about not getting sleep: Remember worrying makes you more vigilant and as a result, the brain refuses to switch off even more. Try and bring an attitude of acceptance to sleeplessness. This is what it is today. I feel sleepless now. Combine this with the next step. 6. Meditate lying down: Create an intention of just resting in the present, not necessarily of sleeping. Lie down flat on your back. Slowly start noticing each breath. Notice it entering the nostrils and going right within the body. Notice the beginning, the middle and the end of inhalation. Then notice the beginning, middle and end of exhalation. Slowly allow the breath to become soft going all through the body. Feel the entire body breathing slowly and gently with no expectation of sleep. Whether you get sleep or not you will definitely feel deeply rested. As you start incorporating these mindful practices of sleeping into your schedule, slowly your tendency to worry and to be overly vigilant will go down. The brain will learn the new changes and sleep will improve. Wish you a great and mindful ‘Get Better Sleep’ month! Struggling with a good sleep can be stressful. Get the support you need to live a happier, healthier life with our online Counseling services. Book an Appointment About the Author This article was written by Counselors & Mindfulness Trainers at Inner Space. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know about any mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Are You Getting Enough Sleep? Therapy For Anxiety Therapy For Depression

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How to Begin Your Day at Work Mindfully

Leave a Comment / Stress at Work / Inner Space Team / January 20, 2024 / how to be mindful, mindfulness, slowing down, work stress

Do you start the day or does the day start you? Many emails to answer, meetings to attend, planning and organizing the day are some of the things you may do at the start of the day. After all, work needs to get done. An attempt to work mindfully can help you get the ball rolling and get work done. How you start your day at work will determine how productive the rest of the day goes. Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and author says; “How you begin your morning often sets the tone and your attitude for the day. It can also derail or direct your focus. If you remain committed to good morning work habits, you won’t fall prey to feeling unproductive and distracted at the end of the day or week.” So if you start in a hurry, you will only run through the day. If you start by multi-tasking, you will find it challenging to pay attention to one thing at a time, accomplishing only a little by the end of the day. If you commit to beginning your work mindfully, you will spend the day feeling more focused and effective. Most successful people have learnt one small technique that helps them get through their work day with efficiently and productively. Any guesses on what this is? Simple mindful practices like breathing and grounding are good ways to begin your day at work. As you are not a novice to mindfulness, you may have tried it but how regularly are you following it? Make mindfulness a part of your organization with our Corporate Mindfulness Training Create a happy, emotionally resilient and healthy workplace. Book an Appointment Techniques to begin your day at work mindfully 1. A few breaths is all it takes: Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes if you can or leave them slightly open. Focus your attention on your breathing. Breathe in; breathe out feeling every movement of breath. Here is a one minute guided breathing exercise: 2. Sitting at your desk: As you face the computer, with your eyes half closed or closed feel the soles of your feet make contact with the floor. Allow your awareness to rest on the feeling of the solidity of the ground anchoring you in the here and now. Feel the chair that you are sitting on. These are 2 simple methods to begin your day at work mindfully. They help quieten the mind, increase concentration, improve clarity and bring about a present focus. Re-visit these 2 techniques at any point of the day. These are beautiful practices to end the work day as well. About the Author This article was written by Counselors & Mindfulness Trainers at Inner Space. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about how you can practice mindfulness at work and/or other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Cultivating A Beginner’s Mind How To Practice Mindfulness Meditation What is Meditation?

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My Partner Doesn’t Want To Go For Couples Therapy: What To Do?

Leave a Comment / Relationships / Inner Space Team / January 13, 2024 / benefits of therapy, counselling and therapy, counselling process, couples counselling, go for therapy, relationship issues, self help

So, you have tried having “the conversation” with your partner about going for couples counseling. You went in with hope, and a tinge of excitement thinking of the possibility of having an unbiased opinion on how to fix and work on your relationship problems. However, unfortunately, your suggestion was met with resistance. “What is the need for couples counselling?,” “We are doing fine?,” “I am uncomfortable discussing our personal matters with a stranger.” You might have heard these sentences from your partner when you suggested relationship counseling to them. These responses are common, and normal, considering the fact that therapy can sound like a daunting, and new experience that can make one feel vulnerable and exposed. How You May Feel When Dealing With Your Partner’s Resistance To Couples Therapy Let us first address how you are feeling after having these conversations with your partner. This form of resistance can be disappointing, It can make you feel that they aren’t willing to work on their relationship. You may feel rejected, disconnected, and burdened, as you feel that saving the relationship is now solely your responsibility. Notice what other feelings come up for you after having these conversations. It is highly likely these conversations have created some distance between you and your partner. In this article, we look at what to do if you partner is resistant to couples counselling by looking at some of the reasons why there may be resistance to relationship therapy, and highlighting some of the ways you can have more fruitful conversations with your partner on how to work on your relationship issues. Contact Us Counseling is a process that can help you learn more about yourself and your relationships. Our Counselors are trained to help you with a wide range of concerns. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with us, please click the link below. Book an Appointment Understanding Your Partner’s Resistance To Couples Therapy While having a conversation with your partner about couples therapy, you may have observed a sense of defensiveness, worry, or fear within them. This could be an indication of their resistance to couples counselling. Therefore, it is necessary to understand this resistance, and its origin, to be able to get through to your partner. For this, initiate a conversation that is open and non-judgmental. This means that you don’t do any of the following: You: Don’t put the blame on one partner for the relationship problems Don’t issue ultimatums such as, “I will leave you if you arent willing to go for couples counselling.” Don’t engage in labelling your partner as “irresponsible,” or “lazy,” when they show their disinterest towards counselling. While doing the above may seem like a natural response to your partner’s refusal, it creates further resentment, avoidance, and ultimately more resistance towards therapy. Sometimes, they may go along with the process as they feel pressured to make a decision. However, they are less likely to stick to counselling if they feel ‘forced’ to do it. Think about this: How would you feel if you felt pressured to do something, that you did not want to, even if it is good for you? How to Initiate A Conversation With A Partner That Doesnt Want to Go For Couples Therapy So, how do you initiate a fruitful conversation with your partner who is resistant? Here are some pointers that may help you out: Keep an open mind to their responses: When you listen closely with your guard down, you may notice that they may have some negative beliefs, experiences, and feelings towards therapy. Validate their feelings and beliefs: When they express fear towards feeling vulnerable, try telling them, “I understand why therapy can make you feel afraid/vulnerable/exposed/judged.” This helps you hold space for them. They feel seen and heard and they are more likely to be open to sharing their thoughts. Try to dispel some of their beliefs and myths surrounding therapy: Knowledge is the way to remove your fear of the unknown. For instance, your partner may be worried that a counsellor may leak or share private information that is shared during sessions. You can try validating their fears about this happening, but you can tell your partner about the confidential nature of therapy. Or you can suggest that you both read up about therapy together. Adopt a collaborative approach: Use a “we” approach in your conversations. Instead of sharing why your partner needs to change, highlight how you and your partner will benefit from working on the relationship. Clearly Express Why You Feel The Need For Therapy: This is important to help your partner understand why you feel the need for couples counseling. Without blaming your partner, express what are the difficulties you hope will get addressed in couples counseling. Convince them for one session: If you partner is unsure about the therapeutic process, try to convince them to attend just one session, where all doubts can be cleared with the therapist. This can alleviate the fear, ambivalence, and false beliefs surrounding therapy. Express how your partner’s collaboration in coming for this one session will help you. What Are Some Alternatives To Couples Counselling? If you partner is still resistant towards therapy, you can try offering them a few alternatives such as books on relationships, trying new activities together to build connection and trust, reading articles, and learning healthier ways to communicate. To make this process easier for you, we have compiled a list of articles that can help you below: (put list of articles) What If My Partner Continues to Refuse Couples Therapy? Can I Take Therapy Alone? It can feel disappointing and painful if you partner continues to refuse to go for therapy, despite trying these steps. You may begin to feel worried about the future of your relationship. However, their lack of acceptance is not always a negative sign. This is because their opinion may be subject to change with more time, conversations, and other factors. Therefore, if your requests are met

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