Desensitization to aggression is a much discussed issue. It refers to a psychological state where the impact of aggression fails to rub off on the mind, when we are “not affected” when we watch scenes of violence. While this could be great news for a good night’s sleep, experiencing it repeatedly could slowly begin to erode empathy out of our systems when such a situation occurs in real life.
Whatever we focus on expands.
As human beings with limited resources of attention, we can only focus on a few things at a time. Naturally, whatever we invest energy and attention in, becomes more important and significant to us. In other words, it gets amplified. The other aspects of the situation are ignored.
Amplification is the process of making something larger and more important than it is, be it thoughts, emotions or experiences. Unfortunately, usually without even consciously realizing, most people focus on the negative aspects of situations. We’re always thinking of what all can go wrong, rather than what can go right. With this mode of thinking, people soon find themselves spiraling downwards into an abyss of anxiety, fear and depression.
2nd April 2011, Saturday night. India lifted the cricket world cup …and we were in a frenzy of celebration! It was a “dream come true” moment for team India and many of us across the country. An utterly delicious icing to the cake….the cake being our win over Pakistan. MS Dhoni made a particularly interesting comment about cricket fans’ expectations after their win against Australia in the quarter finals – “we don’t care about the finals, just win the SEMI-FINALS!!”. Why not? Ind/Pak clashes are always mouth-watering….probably even more than the match where we actually bagged the cup. Let us think about this…which match instantly stirred up a bigger adrenaline rush in us and meant sheer excitement? Ind-Pak or Ind-Sri Lanka? For most of us, the answer would be the former. Why so?
A lot of people that I have met recently seem to be caught in the classic rescuer complex. They live for others, their happiness, their needs, their wishes – the self is nowhere in the picture. You live for your parents, your spouse, your children, the community, even pets – absolutely anything that is external could be a worthy candidate. What about yourself, aren’t you worthy of your own love?
We suffer for stressful events that occur in our own lives and probably in the lives of those whom we love. However, can we also suffer intensely for painful events that occur in the lives of unknown people living miles away from us? The answer, though unexpected, is a definite yes.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
A young woman from another country moved with her family to live for one year in a town near the monastery. When, in the course of the year she discovered the monastery, she would periodically visit to have discussions with the Abbess. The Abbess introduced her to meditation, which became very meaningful for the young woman.
When the family’s year-long stay was drawing to an end, the young woman asked the Abbess, “In my country there is no Buddhism and no one has even heard about meditation. How can I continue to learn and deepen the practice you have started me on?”
The Abbess said, “When you return home ask far and wide for who, among the wise people, is recognized as having the greatest ability to listen. Ask that person to instruct you in the art of listening. What you learn about listening from such a person will teach you how to further your meditation practice.
― Gil Fronsdal, A Monastery Within: Tales from the Buddhist Path
