Inner Space

Inner Space Team

Our psychologists and counselors regularly contribute articles to the Inner Space blog sharing their insights and expertise on various subjects pertinent to psychological and emotional health.

love

Valentine’s Day: Revisiting the concept of love

Revisiting the concept of love Over the years, the concept of soulmates has been smeared and airbrushed into unrealistic levels of love and companionship. Many of us find ourselves absorbing the idea of love by social media, listening to romantic songs, reading Mills & Boons, or watching cheesy mushy movies. This is what love has popularly come to mean.  Nonetheless, love is more than just a warm fuzzy feeling in one’s heart or a state of mind and for this reason, it requires effort and action. There will be days where you or your partner may not experience that warm fuzzy feeling for one another and that’s alright. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship is going downhill. It just goes to show that you are two individuals who are in love, trying to make the most of your lives by focusing on either family, work, or academia. Being a team Knowing that you have someone to emotionally lean on or a partner you go home to every day can make you get complacent in a relationship.  This is also a time when partners often stop making an effort to make the other person feel special. Unfortunately, this gives rise to feelings of being taken for granted and may result in misunderstandings, doubts, and arguments. There will be ups and downs, good and bad days in your relationship. It gets easy when you and your special someone are on the same team during good as well as bad days. Being in sync with each other during bad times can be challenging but can be worked on. This also goes to show that you love your partner enough to let everything else take a back seat while making him or her your focus of attention.     Mere mortals In the first throes of companionship, you may find your partner’s qualities flawless; someone who perfectly matches the perception you had of a significant other. Bit by bit, however, you then discover that in reality, they are after all, human and fallible.  Idealize your partner by all means, but a little awareness at the back of your mind of them having ‘feet of clay’ will keep things real and authentic. This applies to you as well since you both are human.  Partners may forget to turn off the bathroom light often or might end up ruining their significant other’s favourite food. Either way, it’s okay!   Agree to disagree Arguments, whether you like them or not, are a part of relationships. In times like these, contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and withdrawal can drive a wedge between you and your significant other.  It’s better to be wary of them during difficult times as this only makes partners shut down and potentially isolates them from having a meaningful human relationship. No relationship is perfect and your partner can’t read your mind. That’s why a little understanding of your realistic expectations and conveying them respectfully will go a long way. It doesn’t matter if you argue, it’s the ‘way you do’ that matters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tD88k9Y-1Sk&list=PLnm_TbTXJzfN5k_nsGGtaa0JDWaBqz3QS&index=3&ab_channel=InnerSpace watch this video on ‘relationships as a spiritual practice’ I goofed up! In a romantic relationship, “sorry” need not be the hardest word.  Some people find it challenging to apologise and admit that they were wrong. Therefore, owning up to your mistake from time to time will help you keep the relationship boat afloat. Romance and passion do bring people together but compromise and respect will keep you there. Take home message On some days things might not go your way. That’s the time to take a step back and ask yourself how important are those things when it comes to your relationship. We are so stuck in the narrative of being in a perfect relationship that anything less than that doesn’t seem a good enough option for us. Try and create a reservoir of good times and revisit them whenever possible. Pause, take a moment to also recognize that bad times are okay too as long as you’re not in an abusive relationship. Love together, stay together. Here’s wishing you and your partner, love, and togetherness this Valentine’s Day! 😊 post contributed by share this blog! read similar blogs Celebrate Self-Love This Valentine’s Day Treat Yourself to Self-love Today and Everyday Love, romance, dating… Read More Inner Space TeamFebruary 13, 2021 Ghosting in Relationships “I was seeing someone I met online. We went on… Read More Inner Space TeamOctober 30, 2019 DISCOVERING ARCHETYPES – DAY 5: THE LOVER ARCHETYPE The lover archetype represents our ideas of genuine companionship and… Read More Inner Space TeamOctober 14, 2015 EMBRACING SEX IN RELATIONSHIPS In a relationship, sex and physical intimacy play an important… Read More Inner Space TeamMay 18, 2015

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Mindfulness - Indian Origins

Indian Origins of Mindfulness Meditation

Origins of Mindfulness: Religion, Philosophy, or Psychology? Mindfulness is seen to have its roots in ancient Eastern, primarily Buddhist, traditions. However, there are enough references in Hindu scriptures that emphasize on meditation, silence and acceptance, which is what mindfulness is about. We have Upanishads describing meditations, some including a mantra or chant, others not including a chant. No matter where you look, how you approach meditation or what name you give this practice of being calm and present, the essence seems too similar to even bother with the differences. Upanishads and Indian Hindu Traditions These traditions talk of the misidentification with the self instead of a sense of oneness with the larger force of God as the reason for suffering. Consequently they emphasize on silent and meditative practices in order to deepen connection with the whole, to lose the ego and to let the mind get calm so that it can reflect the beauty and wholeness of God. God is mainly seen as the whole of which everything is part (seen as Satchitananda – ever existing, ever conscious, ever new bliss) The Buddhist Traditions Buddha sees attachment to self and the consequent creation of desire as the root cause of all suffering. The emphasis again is to lose the ego – to realize that the self is actually empty and to therefore free oneself of attachment and the delusion of a separate self. Buddha sees this as a way to end suffering. Meditation and mindfulness are practices that allow for the space to be created within in order to reach such a suffering-free stage. However, in my study of philosophy and religions, I have seen that in some form or the other, all philosophies and traditions seem to converge. All have some practice or the other which involves quiet time and silence, trust in a larger universal force (which some call God, others call law of nature (dhamma), life force and so on) and involves concentration and focus within. The Jewish Kabbalah tradition, the Sufi tradition of Islam and the apophatic prayer tradition of contemplation in Christianity – all have meditation, seclusion, surrender and silence as their basic tenets. Gaining wisdom through meditation Wisdom is no one philosophy’s prerogative. Wisdom is available to all of us equally and in fact it is free of any religious or cultural identity. However all religious philosophies and also teachers within each tradition have created what they feel works best, as a way to meditate. I have serious respect for all these paths. And it doesn’t matter which one you follow, provided your intentions in following a path do not become corrupted by creating clinging or attachment to exclusively that path or by believing that other paths are false or inadequate. Need for a secular form of practice and disenchantment with organized religion Of late, a number of us seem to have become disenchanted with organized religion. Religion that says one size fits all. That says one practice is better than the other. I do not personally think it is a problem of any core religious philosophy but that of excessive identification with just one philosophy. In such a time and space, I find the secular practice of mindfulness and meditation as a practice of deeply understanding oneself, of unparalleled use. Psychology and Religion In the earlier times, religions had to include everything that partly now falls under the purview of psychology. Religious philosophies deal with humans after all and therefore with the mind. Psychology was needed as a separate science where religious protocols became intolerant of the shadow aspects of human beings, of impulses that were considered unholy, or vices that were considered sinful. To preserve their holiness, religions or rather religious followers had to start excluding what they called human shortcomings. While this discrimination could have helped to reinforce the more wholesome path; people who didn’t fall into the format felt lost and a sense of shame or non-belonging. Here is where psychology came to the rescue. Often, today, the question is asked whether mindfulness meditation is a psychological practice, a philosophical one or a religious one. The difference is merely semantic. It is a practice to access the forever available wisdom that is within all of us and to create space within, so we can live our lives in a more fulfilled manner. The role of the West in the spread of mindfulness The secular practice of mindfulness, independent of religious or cultural contexts, was presented in its current form in the late 1970s. It was then that Jon Kabat-Zinn (also known as the founder of modern day mindfulness) launched Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. He devised this 8 week program as a way of helping people to deal with situations ranging from general dissatisfaction that we all go through at some level or another to chronic bodily pain. Various studies since then have documented the benefits of mindfulness to the body and mind, while the MBSR has inspired adaptations that are being employed by professionals across the globe. There are various programs incorporating mindfulness that have been created. The programs frequently used by professionals include Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction (MBSR), Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) for depression, Mindfulness-based Relapse Prevention (MBRP), Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). There have been many neuroscience studies in the last decade emphasizing the positive role mindfulness plays in promoting good mental health. While western scientific research has validated and opened up the practice of mindfulness to the entire world, the depth of concepts are still deeply embedded in eastern philosophy, which will be often referenced on this site. About the author share this blog! Simple Breathing Meditation Practice Simple Breathing Meditation Practice Simple Breathing Meditation Practice Meditation need… Read More Inner Space TeamFebruary 11, 2022 Metta: The Practice of Compassion The 13th of November this year is being celebrated as World… Read More Inner Space TeamFebruary 11, 2022 Mindfulness What Is Mindfulness? Mindfulness is a beautiful practice

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offline meditation retreat on self compassion

Metta: The Practice of Compassion

Many of us encounter moments in life where forgiveness feels impossible. We might hold onto contempt or resentment towards someone, struggling to understand their actions and wondering, “Why are they this way?” These feelings can leave us feeling blocked, and incapable of extending kindness or love. Maybe it’s a partner resistant to change, or someone from the past who deeply hurt you – whoever it is, opening your heart to them, let alone forgiving them, seems impossible. If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Centuries ago, the Buddha introduced a core Buddhist concept called metta, which translates to “unconditional loving-kindness.” In essence, metta is about cultivating kindness towards oneself and all living beings. This practice extends kindness and compassion even to those we find difficult, dislike, or even hate. It’s about moving beyond negative emotions and actively wishing well-being of others, even if they haven’t earned it in our eyes. Metta offers a path to break free from the cycle of negativity and cultivate a more peaceful and compassionate way of being. What is the Metta Practice? The Metta practice involves cultivating kindness and compassion, both for yourself and others, mindfully and intentionally. It builds upon mindfulness, where you learn to accept the present moment without judgment. Through Metta, you extend this acceptance to others, even those you find difficult. This unconditional acceptance isn’t always easy. However, by embodying compassion through Metta, you begin to recognize that everyone, like yourself, experiences suffering. This realization can be a powerful tool for breaking free from negativity and fostering a more peaceful and understanding way of being. Getting Started with Metta The beauty of Metta lies in its simplicity. You can begin your practice with a guided Metta meditation by Sadia Saeed, founder of Inner Space. By cultivating kindness and compassion, not just towards others but also towards ourselves (often referred to as self-compassion), Metta allows us to move beyond blame and victimhood. It’s a recognition that everyone experiences suffering, ourselves included. This understanding fosters a sense of empathy and allows us to extend kindness even to those who have caused us pain. After all, as the saying goes, we can’t pour from an empty cup. To offer kindness to others, we must first learn to be kind to ourselves. What Are The Benefits of The Metta Practice? There are numerous benefits of doing a daily metta practice. You can feel the benefits of this practice on a both personal and interpersonal level. Here is a breakdown of some of the main benefits: Increased self-compassion: By directing loving-kindness towards yourself, you can cultivate a more positive and accepting self-image, reducing self-criticism and negativity. Reduced stress and anxiety: Metta meditation promotes feelings of peace and goodwill, which can help counteract feelings of stress and anxiety. Improved emotional well-being: By fostering positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and love, metta meditation can contribute to a more positive outlook and emotional state. Better social connections: As you develop loving-kindness towards others, it becomes easier to build empathy and compassion, leading to more positive and supportive relationships. Improved sleep: The calming and stress-reducing effects of metta meditation can contribute to better sleep quality. Life throws curveballs, and sometimes those curveballs leave us feeling hurt and misunderstood. The ancient practice of Metta offers a powerful tool to navigate these challenges and cultivate inner peace and connection with ourselves and others.   Imagine a world where we approach life’s difficulties with unconditional kindness, not just for others but for ourselves too. Metta helps us break free from negativity and embrace compassion. It allows us to see the shared human experience of suffering, fostering empathy and understanding even in the toughest situations.  Metta reminds us that true well-being starts with self-compassion. By being kind to ourselves first, we can extend that kindness outward, building stronger relationships and creating a more hopeful and harmonious world. It’s not always easy, but Metta paves the way with loving-kindness, one step at a time. Still curious to know more about compassion and how to bring the essence of Metta into your life? Watch this video on Compassion by Sadia Saeed. https://youtu.be/0pbL-5UOk-A?si=WSmXPYxjxZH-dC9K share this blog! Read similar blogs Simple Breathing Meditation Practice Simple Breathing Meditation Practice Simple Breathing Meditation Practice Meditation need… Read More Inner Space TeamFebruary 11, 2022 Indian Origins of Mindfulness Meditation Origins of Mindfulness: Religion, Philosophy, or Psychology? Mindfulness is seen to… Read More Inner Space TeamFebruary 11, 2022 Mountain Meditation for Staying Steady during Stressful Times Stress is really an overused word and yet it is… Read More Sadia SaeedApril 30, 2021

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Inner Space Turns 11! - Our One Most Important Learning About Mental Health

Inner Space Turns 11! – Our One Most Important Learning About Mental Health

We turned 11 years old on the 26th of December! This time, we thought of sharing our one most important learning about mental health with you. This is the one thing that has stood out the most over all our work in the last 11 years. Working with this seemed to strengthen resilience of people no matter what their age or situation. That learning is – Mental health is the ability to ‘stay’ with situations. What does this mean? Pick up any situation – a hectic vacation, a difficult relationship, a stressful job or a pandemic. What is the 1 thing that determines how well we are as the situation ebbs and flows? It is our ability to stay with the situation. If we have some relationship with whatever is unfolding at this moment, we are able to go through it more peacefully. On the other hand, if we don’t have any relationship with the present situation, we remain caught up in suffering. This suffering could look like loops of ‘why me’ – ‘why is my nose like this?’, ‘why is my relationship not good?’, ‘why is my life like this?’. We ruminate, we become closed, fearful and resentful. Our mental health suffers.  As this insight became clearer to us, we were convinced that working on looking inwards and staying with oneself is indispensable to mental health. This became a part of our psychotherapy, group workshops, courses, our work with NGOs and other corporate organizations. Here is a snapshot of the year gone by- Transition to Working Online For Good One big change this year was that we surrendered our office space and moved to a fully online mode of work. Big as this step was, it came with the ability to work together even if the team was in different parts of the country!  Ongoing Mindfulness Meditation Courses 8 Week Mindfulness Meditation Course We created our signature 8 week mindfulness meditation course in a robust online cum webinar format. After a lot of thought into how this could be best done online, we came up with a format where course videos are shared with participants over the week. Towards the end of each week, there is a live webinar for further discussion, Q & A and meditation practice. Our First Online Mindfulness Program for Children! We have been doing the Breathing Happiness Program for Children since 2019. This time, we decided to do it online. We were overjoyed to discover how well the children took to it even in an online format! Inspired by this, we also conducted a mindfulness session for parents and children on Children’s Day. Mindfulness Based Train the Trainer Programs with Non Profit Organizations This year, we did mindfulness based train the trainer programs with 4 non profit organizations – OSCAR, CHIP Mumbai, Enabling Leadership and Saath Charitable Trust,  in partnership with EMpower. These programs were all about helping trainers imbibe mindfulness practices and then incorporate it into their curriculum. Some of these programs also involved teaching them to introduce mindfulness to adults and children. As a team, we were very thrilled to be doing this! Mindfulness Programs with Corporates We also did mindfulness workshops with GroupM, ABP news and Mercury Capital. As always, it was nice to work with diverse themes like introductory mindfulness workshops, workshops customized for leaders and sessions tailored to better process emotions that were coming up due to the pandemic. A Support Circle For Young Adults Again, this is something we are thrilled about! We began a weekly support circle for young adults that one of our therapists facilitates regularly. We had been wanting to do this for a long time, since it is immensely helpful to see and hear others who are going through the same experiences and struggles! The group discussed topics like setting boundaries, motivating oneself, dealing with difficult emotions, loneliness, stress related to the pandemic and so on. A Monthly Wisdom Circle Our chief psychologist facilitated monthly wisdom circles which involve meditation, sharing and contemplation on various aspects of emotional health such as compassion to self, how to create some separation from the thinking mind and so on. This is a wonderful space to meditate and contemplate on nuggets of wisdom that come from psychology as well as mindfulness concepts. The ‘Ask the Therapist’ Platform We also began a new platform called ‘Ask the Therapist‘ where anyone can ask any questions about mental health and they will be answered by our therapists. Out of all the questions that came to us, relationship queries and queries about how to help a family member who was going through some mental health condition were asked most frequently. A Book by Our Chief Psychologist- ‘You are Simply Perfect’! One of the biggest things for us this year is that Sadia, our founder, authored a book – You are Simply Perfect! This is a book for teens and tweens catering to their emotional needs. It applies principles of mindfulness and compassion to help them cultivate a friendly relationship with themselves, which is crucial at that age. It is out for sale now!! Click here to get it now! On this note, we end this year while beginning another one. Deep gratitude to each one of you who has been a part of our journey. Have a wonderful and peaceful 2022. May you be well, may you be happy!

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baby blues

Do you have PPD or Baby Blues?

The arrival of your baby is no less than a joyous moment. The wait is finally over and you look forward to the next chapter of your life – motherhood. However, this burst of excitement can be overshadowed by feelings of sadness, despair, and mood swings.  Around 70 to 80% of new mothers experience these feelings soon after giving birth and this is often referred to as ‘baby blues’.   If thoughts like ‘what’s happening to me’ or ‘why am I feeling this way’ suddenly come to mind, know that you’re not alone and there’s a valid reason for it. What Are Baby Blues? Baby blues, occasionally referred to as ‘postpartum blues’ are feelings of sadness or unhappiness that many mothers experience post-delivery. Baby blues can be seen three to five days after the baby is born and you may experience certain symptoms for about a few weeks. Sometimes, baby blues and postpartum depression are used interchangeably. However, they aren’t the same. Baby Blues vs Postpartum Depression How are baby blues different from postpartum depression? Baby blues and postpartum depression differ when it comes to severity and duration of symptoms. While baby blues generally subside after  few weeks, postpartum depression can last up to a year or longer.  Symptoms Baby blues can manifest in different ways and can’t be equated to ‘just feelings of sadness’. Every mother is different – some may experience subtle and gradual feelings of melancholy while others may go through a sudden rush of different emotions. You may feel grouchy, unhappy, stressed-out, overwhelmed, and confused. Having experienced the calm and slowness of pregnancy to tending to the baby round the clock can come as a jolt, especially if you’re a first-time mother. Basic things like drinking coffee and bathing can get difficult, making this a phase of huge adjustment. How can you tell if you’re dealing with baby blues? Crying for no reason or crying over something like wearing a blouse inside out or taking a while to swaddle the baby. Feeling irritable for no apparent cause or getting angry and frustrated at something that would usually be easier to deal with. Ruminating about being trapped inside the room and no ‘me time’ may give rise to frustration since new borns requires mothers to be at their beck and call. Getting paranoid and scared almost all the time since the baby is delicate and fragile. This may look like: worrying about the baby’s health, obsessing about the quantity of breast milk, or being fearful of dropping the baby. Experiencing trouble sleeping due to the baby’s inconsistent sleep schedule, though this is something most new parents experience! Finding it challenging to focus on things required in the grocery list and trying to remember the exact location of the diaper bag or baby wipes. Having sudden episodes of panic attacks followed by feeling dizzy, nauseous, and out of breath. What causes Baby Blues? Hormones at play Given the fact that your body and mind have gone through many changes, you may experience a plethora of emotions. Hormonal imbalances in the body are one of the major factors of mood shifts. Fluctuating estrogen and progesterone levels post-giving birth are linked to mood changes resulting in baby blues. Life pre-and-post pregnancy Getting pregnant is a major life change to deal with. Some women accept this shift instantly while for a few, it takes a considerable amount of time for the feeling to sink in. So, if you were fussed over by family and friends for 9 months, and now suddenly see the focus shifting towards the baby can be a lot to take in visually and emotionally. Your pregnant brain Pregnancy alters the brain. The volume of grey matter in a pregnant woman’s brain changes to a large extent making it easy to recognize a woman who’s been pregnant to a woman who hasn’t via brain scans. When you’re pregnant, the pinkish-grey tissue in the brain that’s dense with neuron cells shrinks, and takes months to return to its pre-pregnancy size making you susceptible to baby blues. Unpredictable sleep patterns Sleep changes with a newborn are unavoidable especially during nighttime when the baby wakes up either because of hunger or for a nappy change or, simply because they are adjusting to the world outside. Since you require at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep, one can imagine how challenging it can get when you experience erratic sleep patterns.  Managing Baby blues – What Can Help? Self-care – as best as possible Suffering from baby blues can feel overwhelming but can be managed. New motherhood is often accompanied by chaos and you may find it challenging to remember to eat. Ensure not to go beyond 3 to 4 hours without having a nutritious meal so that you prevent dips in your blood sugar levels. Nutrition during this time is of utmost importance as the body is simultaneously producing food for the baby in the form of breastmilk. Not eating during the day may exacerbate physical and mental challenges making it more difficult to get adequate nutrition if you’re suffering from baby blues. Some foods may help regulate mood so, set reminders on the phone to give yourself a gentle nudge to feed yourself enough throughout the day. Get Moving If possible and if time permits, start with giving your body some movement by taking a walk either at home or by taking a stroll outside. Once you start doing that, a change of scenery will help you shift your thoughts. Take a break Sleep when it’s possible especially when the baby is asleep. If that doesn’t seem doable, ask a partner or a family member to watch the baby while you snooze for 30 minutes to recharge your batteries. Power naps are effective and can help in making you feel better to take on the other half of the day. Seek help from family and friends. Let them know what they can do for you. See if they’d like to

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master meditation

Do You Try To Master Meditation?

Often just like any other skill, once people start meditating they try to master meditation. They want to excel at it. They imagine themselves becoming quiet and peaceful and completely mindful. They imagine what a perfectly blissful state they would be in if they master meditation. This is one of the reasons people actually get disenchanted with meditation, often sooner rather than later. How long does it take to master meditation? The fact is, that mindfulness and meditation need to be practiced without an achievement mindset. Meditation is not a linear skill. Yes, you do get better at being mindful with practice, but that’s not the goal. Unlike learning a sport where your final intention is to play very well, mindfulness and meditation are about just being in the here and now. So, to whatever extent awareness gets cultivated is helpful, but there is nothing to achieve or see in terms of results. Treating meditation as another skill is actually a deep loss for you. Instead of getting in touch with the gentle and restful nature of just being in the present for whatever it is, you stress yourself by pushing yourself to excel in one more skill! Here’s a nice Zen story that highlights this point: Time to Learn A young but earnest Zen student approached his teacher, and asked the Zen Master:“If I work very hard and diligent how long will it take for me to find Zen.”The Master thought about this, then replied, “Ten years.”The student then said, “But what if I work very, very hard and really apply myself to learn fast — How long then?”Replied the Master, “Well, twenty years.”“But, if I really, really work at it. How long then?” asked the student.“Thirty years,” replied the Master.“But, I do not understand,” said the disappointed student. “At each time that I say I will work harder, you say it will take me longer. Why do you say that ?”Replied the Master,” When you have one eye on the goal, you only have one eye on the path.” (Story source: http://spiritual-minds.com/stories/zen.htm)

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Lockdown

A Year Since Lockdown: Lessons The Pandemic Taught Us

It’s been a year since the lockdown was first imposed when the unknown and rather scary COVID-19 virus affected all our lives. It not only affected the way we lived and worked but impacted the way we behaved, thought and felt. Doesn’t it all still seem so recent ? While we continue to navigate the ongoing changes and challenges the pandemic poses, let’s pause and reflect at the year gone by. Let us create space for some of the lessons the pandemic taught us and some key takeaways. A year since lockdown and we learnt that…  We are a lot more resilient that we give ourselves credit for Looking back at the year since lockdown can bring up difficult feelings of loss, change, uncertainty frustration, fatigue and so much more. After all, we had to rapidly change and adapt to an ever evolving situation. Working not just from but with home became the norm. Virtual learning became the mode of transmitting knowledge and information. Health care services also started being offered online. Moreover, Zoom meet ups and Netflix parties became a way of socialising. Did you ever think you would be able to adapt to such changes ? And yet here we are, still adapting, trying our best to be flexible and creative in the face of ongoing uncertainty. Doesn’t it just go on to show that we are a lot more resilient that we give ourselves credit for ? That despite the many struggles, we do have an innate ability to navigate stressors as best as we can. In many ways the pandemic seems to have redefined resilience or the ability to ‘bounce back’. The pandemic seems to have taught us that bouncing back does not need to be a huge jump or leap from where we are. It can be a small step in the present moment that simply helps us cope better. While we often undermine our capabilities, reflecting at the year gone by  highlights the many small and big ways in which we have adapted individually and collectively. We need to rest to be able to feel productive The very first lockdown felt unique. It was new and created an unexpected break in our routines. But very soon we translated this break as a test of productivity. It suddenly became about reinventing ourselves. Little did we realise that the constant striving could also make us feel drained and tired. And so, the pandemic taught us that it is OK to rest.  Rest does not have to be a reward, one that we give ourselves only when we accomplish a certain number of tasks on our to do list. Rest is something that we all need to be able to survive and thrive. It is required for the nervous system to regulate itself, to maintain adequate levels of energy and to recover. A key takeaway from the year gone by is that we don’t always have to strive to fill up our routines or fight boredom or be doing something. Instead, we can spend time with ourselves, engage in leisurely pursuits and rest knowing that it is important for us. We can build acceptance for what we cannot control One of the most challenging yet empowering lessons this pandemic taught us was that of acceptance. A year ago, we were confronted with having no choice but to accept that ‘this is what it is’ and that somethings were beyond our control. While in some ways we could influence certain aspects of the situation, a large part of it was out of our hands. It could not be ‘fixed’ and that we continue to be in this waiting period as the pandemic continues to unfold. In many ways we did start accepting the changed life as our ‘new normal’. Acceptance may not come easily, at the same time planting the seed for it does allow us to sail through tough times. So, while the pandemic does continue to impact our lives, recognising that we are doing what we can while the rest will continue to evolve may just help us feel more at peace ! Wishing that these reflections foster a sense of hope as we continue to ride through the highs and lows of the present moment ! This post has been contributed by Amrita Kajaria, counsellor and psychologist at Inner Space

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self-love image

Celebrate Self-Love This Valentine’s Day

Treat Yourself to Self-love Today and Everyday Love, romance, dating & relationships are some of the many buzzwords as we approach the month of February to celebrate as the greatest day of love Valentine’s Day. For some the run up to this day can evoke feelings of joy, togetherness and gratitude. For some it can bring up feelings of loneliness, painful memories, sadness and insecurity. For some it maybe a bag full of mixed emotions. It isn’t uncommon for the mind to navigate these emotions by getting lost in thoughts of self-judgment, blame and criticism. And while we imagine that this may lead us to finding a solution, it is more likely that we end up feeling more distant from the very joy we are seeking. So how do we inch a little closer to that sense of joy and love ? By directing that very love, care and support INWARD. So, this valentine’s-day take a small step to celebrate yourself, love yourself, care for yourself and be compassionate towards yourself. After all, “ You, yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha Why self-love? Because as humans we are wired for connection, validation and support. We are geared to seek all of this externally. Any gap between our expectations and our reality can create immense distress. What we often forget is that this same connection, validation and support can be fostered internally. Honoring your wholeness- acknowledging your strengths and accepting the inevitable imperfections that make you human can foster a sense of safety and emotional wellness. Moreover, loving yourself first and creating a deep, internal relationship can have a positive effect in multiple spheres of your life. Better Understanding of Your Own NeedsSelf-love creates space for what you may be needing to feel a sense of meaning and purpose in life. It entails identifying what you need, prioritising them and engaging in relations and activities that truly feel right for you. Honouring Your CapacitiesHow often do you beat yourself up for not being the perfect partner ? For not having the ideal relation ? For being single ? What results is a feeling of shame, guilt and unhappiness. With a little bit of compassion towards yourself you are likely to see that in the here and now you are doing well. You are also more likely to replace the harsh judgements with curiosity for why things are the way they are! Setting Compassionate BoundariesA little bit of self-love and self-care can go a long way in creating compassionate boundaries with your loved ones as well. You are more likely to preserve your own energy and protect your relations when you are kind to yourself. Kindness towards self also creates space for compassion towards our loved ones. Loving Others AuthenticallyIt is common notion that you can only give what you have and yet there can be times where we expend a great deal of energy loving others without directing some of it to ourselves. While this may help in the short run, it can evoke feelings of insecurity and exhaustion in relationships. Give yourself some of that kindness and care and you arelikely to experience your relationships with a lot more authenticity and joy. How can you love yourself? Self-love can be grown, cultivated and nurtured through simple actions that can foster greater emotional, physical and mental well-being. Here are some ways in which you can engage in small rituals to forge a loving connection with yourself this valentine’s day. 1) Forgive yourself for one mistake that you may have made. Remember to err is human. Forgiving yourself can actually redirect you to new efforts. 2) Recognise your strengths and give credit to your unique qualities that make you, YOU. 3) Compliment Yourself by tell yourself something that you would like to hear the most from others. This can look like telling yourself ‘I love you’, ‘You are doing well’ or even hugging yourself. 4) Practice self-affirmations. This can look like telling yourself “I may not be feeling good about myself, but I can do one kind thing for myself”; “I am feeling frustrated and I am building my tolerance for it”. 5) Practice simple self-care, taking time out for yourself, ensuring you are eating well and getting adequate rest. Give yourself the permission to step back, start over and relax!  Here is wishing you a lot more love, joy and connection this Valentine’s Day!

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coronavirus, isolation, quarantine, anxiety, loneliness, therapy

Dealing with Anxiety in the times of the Coronavirus

Historically, a pandemic seems to have occurred once in a 100 years, roughly. That means, for most of us alive today, this is a completely new experience! We have had little experience with a situation like this. What does this bring about? Uncertainty, change leading to more change, unexpected change bringing about anxiety – anxiety about getting infected, family getting infected, anxiety about pay cuts, lost jobs, about having to stay home. Sometimes, the lack of activity and distraction can even bring up stored emotions or past hurt. Dealing with this can be difficult. We’ve tried to put down some ideas about how one can deal with this: Working through Anxiety during a Pandemic – What it could mean for you Recognize and Reconcile: ‘What you resist, persists’ In a situation like this, the mind and the whole psyche wants to push to feel in control and on top of the situation. Expecting yourself to feel in control will only worsen your irritability and helplessness. The first step to any kind of mental peace always starts with recognition and reconciliation. Recognize deeply that you needn’t fight your feelings. While you can take all the precaution needed, recognize that it is understandable to feel anxious, worried, bored, restless and uncomfortable. This situation is uncomfortable for every single one of us. Taking some comfort in the fact that your feelings are valid and understandable can do a lot to ease your emotional burden. Observe and Breathe: The mind is like Velcro. It pulls attention to its thoughts and what’s more, it tries to beat one thought with another. Very often, you will see that one thought leads to another and before you know it, you’ve spun a web of stories about the situation, how bad it is, what you could have done to prevent it, how so and so is responsible and so on. Most of us don’t recognize that we have an option to ‘watch’, or ‘notice’ the mind, without necessarily engaging too much with it. The mind has its own nature and its own wiring. No matter how much you know consciously that worrying is not of much use, it continues to have thoughts and thought streams of worry. What you can do is, instead of trying to beat one thought with another, just observe that thoughts of worry have come up, that it is natural for this to happen, and gently come back to the present moment. You can return to your breath or to any aspect of the present moment. Learning to gently let go of chatter and rest in the moment is immensely valuable in a situation like this. Accept: Seeing this word might trigger irritation at the beginning and that is understandable! Contrary to this initial reaction, accepting the moment does more for us than we typically imagine. We think of acceptance as passive surrender, but that’s not the case. Acceptance is an active recognition that  – this is what it is. This situation is what it is. Pushing and pulling, fighting your feelings is only going to worsen it. Acceptance allows you to work with what is, than what is not. It brings down stress and hypervigilance and clears your mind to work and support yourself best in this situation. As I often tell my clients when they are in a similar space – ‘half your energy is getting spent on resisting the situation mentally.’ Once you allow yourself to accept the situation, you start generating energy to truly support yourself through it. It gets easier here onwards – these three steps are difficult, and most of you who have already been through this would agree that to reach acceptance is the hard bit, once you’re through with that, the rest becomes easier! Access the Calmer Side of the Brain: The limbic system is the part of the nervous system that is responsible for the fight or flight response, and for anxiety. It’s job is to alert you so that you can protect yourself. However, because as human beings we have the function of thinking, we get stuck in the anxious mode. Letting go of thoughts for a while and consciously calming down gives you access to the calmer side of the brain that has less extreme, more realistic ideas about the situation. Look for the Hidden Treasures: Every situation has something to offer. Even seemingly dull, boring situations like these have something to offer – maybe it is opportunity to deeply introspect, maybe it is opportunity to reflect and develop some part of yourself that you haven’t been able to, maybe its just about developing some comfort with doing less and staying with yourself; or about doing your workout through household chores! Whether you know it or not, you are constantly learning and growing through situations. Once you see this, you will be in a more joyful and less negative space. Connect, connect! You must have seen enough information on social media about how social distancing does not have to mean disconnecting. In fact, it could actually mean connecting in a whole different way! Just getting time and space to have deep conversation, to really observe and get to know your family or roommates better, notice and savor the little things and we don’t get the space to savor otherwise! Rest and Rejuvenate: More space and less stimulation have been seen as the essentials of mental health. They have also been seen as the bedrock of creativity. Most of us live our lives being bombarded by stimulation and information. We constantly do and rarely get space to just be. While it is understandable that this is a bit of a prolonged break, it still is a break unlike one you may not have had in a long time. Use it to rejuvenate. Explore the things you were never able to do while you were constantly outside. Once you get comfortable with doing less and with being with yourself, your need to constantly distract

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anxiety, mindfulness, meditation

Coping with Anxiety Using Mindfulness

Anxiety and coping with it consumes a lot of energy for many of us. If you are prone to anxiety, you know that it feels like a continuous buzz in the mind, with streams of thought about alarming situations, how they could be dreadful, how they can be prevented and what if you can’t prevent it. Then, you live in a constant fear of certain things happening, or not happening. Either way, you are perpetually stressed. How can mindfulness help here? How does anxiety continue and how can training your attention to be in the present help? Sadia Saeed, who is a Clinical Psychologist and a Mindfulness Teacher, answers these questions. She explains what anxiety is from a neurological point of view and then explains how mindfulness training helps in coping with it. https://youtu.be/ppo65BKgqZs

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The Art of Listening