You’ve probably heard it from everyone – therapists, friends, even online articles – communication is the golden key to a happy marriage. It might sound cliche, but there’s a reason it’s constantly repeated.  If you’re feeling like your conversations with your partner turn into arguments, or if you feel like you keep hitting dead ends, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle with communication, but the good news is there are concrete steps you can take to improve communication in your marriage.

By picking up and implementing the techniques in this article, you’ll be well on your way to smoother conversations and a deeper, happier connection with your partner.

Use These 10 Skills To Improve Communication In Your Marriage

• Respond to emotional bids for connection: According to the renowned Couples Counselor Dr. John Gottman, an “emotional bid” is a bid for connection.  Imagine your partner comes home after a tough day, plops down on the couch, and sighs, “Work was brutal today…”  Do you look up from your phone with a disinterested “uh-huh,” or take a moment to connect, and ask, “Why, what happened?”

These seemingly small moments add up. Ignoring your partner’s bids for connection, whether verbal or nonverbal, can make them feel unseen and unheard. Over time, this erodes the very foundation of your relationship.  The best part is that, by recognizing and responding to these bids, you can significantly improve communication in your marriage.  It’s all about building a safe space where you feel heard and understood by your partner.

• Listen actively: There is a difference between hearing and listening to someone. Let’s say your partner communicates how they are feeling upset with how one of your relatives spoke to them. If you are merely hearing what your partner is saying, you may not notice the deeper meaning, the tone, and the emotions they may be experiencing. Therefore, active listening is a skill, which involves giving them your full attention, making eye contact, and summarizing what they’ve said to show understanding.
• Empathize with your partner’s emotions: Sometimes it feels impossible to see eye-to-eye with your partner, right? Like you’re speaking different languages. There’s a Native American proverb that says, “Do not judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.”  It emphasizes the importance of empathy in any relationship. To improve communication in your marriage, try to see things from your partner’s perspective.  Ask yourself, “How would this situation make me feel?” By acknowledging their emotions and validating their experiences, you create a bridge for understanding. You might be surprised at how much better you connect when you truly try to walk a mile in their shoes.
• Respond with a calmer state of body and mind: During a conflict, it is quite common to feel charged up, which can cause you to say something you may regret later. One of the key mottos to improve communication in your marriage is to “respond, instead of react” to the situation. This means, that before you say something during an argument, it is best to take some time to calm your mind and body and relax before addressing conflict. Techniques like deep breathing or pausing the argument can help you approach conversations from a more settled state.
• Use “I” statements: Ever feel like your attempts to talk things through with your partner just end in arguments? Here’s a simple but powerful trick to improve communication in your marriage: use “I” statements.

Instead of accusatory phrases like “You always leave your dishes in the sink!”, try “I feel frustrated when the dishes are left in the sink.”  “I” statements take the focus off blame and put it on your own emotions. This can make your partner feel less attacked and more open to having a productive conversation. By expressing how you feel, you open the door for your partner to understand your perspective and work towards a solution together.

• Avoid accusations and criticism: Accusations and criticism can shut down communication faster than anything.  Instead of pointing fingers and saying things like “You never listen to me!”, focus on the issue at hand.  Try phrases like “I feel unheard when we talk about this. Can we try a different approach?”  By avoiding blame, you create a space for open communication and finding solutions together. This will ultimately strengthen your relationship and make those tough conversations a breeze.
• Be ready to compromise: One of the most underrated signs of a healthy marriage is having the ability to compromise. Compromising doesn’t mean that you make “sacrifices” at the expense of your happiness for a partner. But, compromise is the ability to work with your partner on a solution that works best for both of you. It is to be willing to meet each other halfway. Finding common ground builds trust and strengthens the relationship.
• Make Attempts To Repair: Arguments happen in even the best of marriages. The important thing is how you repair the damage afterward.  When things get heated and communication breaks down, take a moment to acknowledge your partner’s hurt feelings. A sincere apology or effort to mend things, like a hug or a kind gesture, can go a long way.  It shows you care about their feelings and are willing to rebuild the connection.
• Attend to non-verbal cues: Words are important, but in marriage, actions speak even louder. Saying you’re “fine” with a forced smile can leave your partner confused and hurt, hindering communication. Remember, communication is more than just what you say – it’s also about body language and facial expressions.  When interacting with your partner, try to be mindful of their nonverbal cues. A furrowed brow might mean they’re concerned, even if they stay silent. By acknowledging these signals, you open the door to deeper communication and a stronger connection.
• Seek Professional Help: Therapy isn’t a sign of weakness in your marriage, it’s a sign of strength.  Many couples wait until things are at a breaking point before seeking professional help, but there’s no shame in going to couples counseling early on. A therapist can act as a neutral third party, helping you identify communication gaps and develop healthier ways to talk to each other. They can equip you with tools to prevent disagreements from spiraling into arguments and teach you how to navigate even tough conversations productively.  Consider couples counseling an investment in the health and happiness of your relationship.

Even if you and your partner are stuck in a rut of misunderstandings and arguments, don’t despair. By incorporating these communication techniques into your daily interactions, you can build a stronger foundation for connection and understanding. Remember, improving communication is a journey, not a destination. There will be bumps along the way, and if you find yourselves struggling to navigate them on your own, consider seeking professional help from a couples counselor. A therapist can provide a safe space for open communication and equip you with even more tools to reach a happier, more fulfilling relationship.