You are able to live with yourself because you know you are fundamentally good!
You know that all your inadequacies and the not so good qualities exist either because they are judged that way by people around you or because you picked them up somewhere on the way because of the difficulties that life sent your way.
You are correct! The deepest core of you, of all of us, every person is beautiful.
This is a question I am often asked by parents in therapy.
‘How to react if the child throws a temper tantrum?’
If you are a parent, you probably have been through this dilemma and resolved it. Or maybe you are going through it at present.
Some children find it easier to adjust when things don’t go their way. They may occasionally cry or fuss a little, but they’re largely open to adjusting.
Some children find it extremely difficult to make such an adjustment. They tend to get very upset when things don’t go their way. They may cry loudly, shout and insist that their demand be met with. The more you deny them what they want, the more they cry and the temper tantrum aggravates. Ultimately, you reach a place where you don’t know how to react.
In such a scenario, what is better? To fulfill the child’s demand or say no?
IS IT OKAY TO SAY NO IN THE FACE OF A TEMPER TANTRUM? Read More »
I often come across parents of nuclear families these days that are juggling between work, home, and baby- sitters. They constantly ponder about the fact that their children would be raised better in the hands of their family members or grandparents versus a baby- sitter, or a care- taker. So are we blaming the changing structure of families to give rise to this new set of tensions? Of course, the nuclear family versus joint family debate has been ongoing, which in turn has impacted the way child rearing takes place. Since the breakdown of the joint families has started, it has resulted in a great disconnect from the extended family which is making children more aloof and isolated. The concept of cousins being your child’s first set of friends, is disappearing by each passing day. With joint families, childcare arrangements were never an issue. But now mothers have to worry about leaving their children with care- takers who could possibly be total strangers.Children are becoming more and more detached from the socio- cultural events. You and I have probably grown up celebrating a lot of festivals with a large group of family members visiting from all over the city, or even country. That has now boiled down to just the parents and children having a quiet dinner along with probably a few friends. Does that leave you thinking that you’re unable to provide a comforting and nurturing environment for your child, while you’re away at work? A great deal of our energy is spent wondering, whether children are in tune with the spiritual and religious aspects that we have been raised with, or whether the environment they’re growing up in is nurturing enough. Do you often ponder about the disadvantages of having a nuclear family? Lets pause and think about the ways in which we could integrate this shift in lifestyle with a healthier approach in addressing these issues. Giving nuclear families the “heads up”– There can also be advantages of nuclear families Not all is bad when raising a child in a nuclear set up. As I was discussing these issues with some of my clients in therapy, they brought up a very empowering aspect of the nuclear family set up- the child learns to become independent and develops a sense of autonomy at an early age. And this can be a positive aspect in this situation. It is important to allow for independence to facilitate and build autonomy in children. Things like, letting them decide their sleep timings and involving them in household chores go a long way in developing a sense of responsibility in children. Also, this little contribution in the housework by parents as well as the children could be one of the shared activities the family could do together. “My opinion matters”: Role of children in the Family As parents of nuclear families, there’s another advantage you can build for your children, by letting them know that their opinion in making decisions matters. It could be as trivial as deciding the color of your new car, or as important as deciding their own career path. Taking into account the opinions shared by your children could be an important step in validating them. This role of children in the family in making decisions could be an important aspect in shaping your child’s personality. This aspect can also more commonly be called- the role of consensus. Making small rituals a part of your weekly activities together could help your children keep in touch with the cultural aspect they are told to be losing out upon. Hopefully, these little things will help you as parents to nurture your child’s development. Not intending to sound clichéd but isn’t it too apt to say that change is, and will be inevitable. Its upon us how we try to make it difficult on ourselves, or use it in a way that would be beneficial to us, and our children, who are, the future generation. I came across this article which presents an interesting take on Modern Families and its effects on Children. Click here to read. Image Credit: Yogendra174 About the Author: Bijal Oza is a Psychologist & Counselor at Inner Space – A center for counseling and psychological assessment. You can know more about her here. You can follow Inner Space on Google+ Facebook and Twitter for regular updates of our work and share with us what you feel about this post.
A classmate of mine in school and college successfully hung herself from a fan… It was devastating… Years later here I am-a psychologist- with several hundred sessions of having heard the teenagers side of the story-the hopelessness, helplessness and the frustrations. When Rediff asked me to write about teenage suicide, everything came together 🙂
UNDERSTAND TEENAGE SUICIDE: GET INTO THEIR SHOES Read More »
Most parents seek guidance on how they can change the negative behavior of their children and encourage more positive behavior. We have held two workshops at Inner Space focusing on behavior modification addressing these concerns. Behavior modification is the process applied to enable the child and parents to methodically bring about the required changes. It involves setting up rules of actions and consequent positive or negative repercussions. Positive behavior gets rewards while negative behavior gets no rewards.
This is also what we often do in life naturally. However, more often than not we do it inconsistently.
CONSISTENCY IN PARENTING : AN ASPECT OF BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION Read More »
The Inner Space team announces a parent group session on communication with children. In any relationship, we understand what the opposite person thinks and feels about us only through what they communicate to us, verbally and non-verbally. This is perhaps why ‘telling it right’ is very important in a parent-child relationship too.
PARENT GROUP SESSION ON COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN Read More »
As parents, we are naturally concerned about our children. We want them to have a bright future and be self sufficient. Anything that we see as taking the child away from this prospect worries us. We worry, fret and spend considerable time and energy correcting the child. “Don’t do this, it’s bad for you.” “Why don’t you listen to me?”, “I’m saying this for your good and nobody else’s!!” are some statements you would probably connect with. At times, we happen to spend ALL our time with the child in correcting him/her. We consider it our duty to mould them right. Hence, many of us would be constantly on the lookout for the negative behavior, be it disinterest in studies, lack of social interaction, excessive viewing of television, argumentativeness or aggression. Every repetition of that behavior frustrates us and we chide and scold our children or maybe even beat them. However, a good number of times, our child continues to engage in the negative behavior. Therefore, is the current approach you are using effective? What is going wrong here?
Play. A word that is synonymous with setting the mind free, using imagination and almost creating a new world. However, today, we are increasingly turning to electronic games to fill in most of our play time. Video games and the like are certainly entertaining and stimulating. With advanced technology and thrilling effects, they sure give us an adrenaline rush! However, forms of conventional or traditional play can also offer us a number of psychological benefits in addition to physical benefits. We could be missing out on a world of good that our good old indoor board games, outdoor games and imaginative play could do to us. Wonder how? Let’s explore.
Depression can affect children as well.
Many of us would feel that this is just a child, how can he/she be depressed? Perhaps it’s just a mood swing or a phase. Yes, that happens too. Not every child who seems sad or introverted is depressed. But if you notice a significant change in your child’s behavior, which he just doesn’t seem to be ‘getting over’ and is adversely impacting his school work and/or relationships, perhaps it’s time to pay attention.
Given the fast paced life we all lead, it is a tad too difficult to supervise our children the way our parents probably did. They need to be more independent and therefore need to be aware of all the do’s and don’ts of daily life, especially those pertaining to safety. While this is of paramount importance, it is equally important to provide a balanced perspective of safety to our children.
What I mean to say is we need to guard against communicating to the child that ‘the world is an unsafe place’ and that ‘people are all out to take advantage of you.’ If the child adopts any such belief, it may lead to emotional turmoil which could manifest in anxiety and apprehension, separation anxiety and clinginess or a refusal to be alone. Let us understand better how this happens:
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
A young woman from another country moved with her family to live for one year in a town near the monastery. When, in the course of the year she discovered the monastery, she would periodically visit to have discussions with the Abbess. The Abbess introduced her to meditation, which became very meaningful for the young woman.
When the family’s year-long stay was drawing to an end, the young woman asked the Abbess, “In my country there is no Buddhism and no one has even heard about meditation. How can I continue to learn and deepen the practice you have started me on?”
The Abbess said, “When you return home ask far and wide for who, among the wise people, is recognized as having the greatest ability to listen. Ask that person to instruct you in the art of listening. What you learn about listening from such a person will teach you how to further your meditation practice.
― Gil Fronsdal, A Monastery Within: Tales from the Buddhist Path
