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Dealing with Anger Mindfully

Have you ever gotten angry at your parents for not letting you go out with your friends? Or on your friends itself, for not listening to you? You are not alone! Being angry is natural and we all experience it at some point. It can be a frustrating experience but the good news is you can deal with anger and gain some control over it with love and compassion. Being mindful and kind towards yourself is one of the most important steps to dealing with anger. Shifting focus mindfully, inwards and away from the person or situation, allows you to let go of the constant flood of thoughts that the mind creates. To help you deal with anger mindfully, there are a set of steps you can follow, so you can shift focus, mindfully regulate this anger, calm down and feel more in control. This activity given below can also be remembered as the PNAS practice Read also: Online Therapy for Anxiety Activity To Deal With Anger Mindfully Step 1: Pause When you feel anger, recognize your habitual pattern of dealing with it. Do you want to shut down or do you overthink or you want to react? Instead of giving in to your habitual tendency, try to pause. Take a few deep breaths. Ask yourself and your body how you are feeling. Let the answer come from within you. Step 2: Name it You already have a name for your emotion. Tell yourself, ‘I am angry now. I will simply spend some time knowing my anger.’ Promise yourself that you will decide what to do with the person or situation later. For now, you will simply attend to this feeling of anger. Step 3: Accept it “You are angry” –is the reality of the present moment. It is okay to feel angry for now. There is no question about whether you should or should not feel angry. Instead, just simply accepting it will suffice. Maybe you can say to yourself, ‘I am angry now, and it is okay.’ Step 4: Support it Remind yourself that you need your own affection and support now. Do a quick body scan. Notice where you might feel anger in your body. Your jaws may feel tight or you may feel heat on your face or elsewhere in the body. Anger is usually a high-energy emotion so you may feel like moving to express anger. Accept all the sensations in the body completely. Now that you can sense what the body is going through, you can actively support it. Support means allowing the body to feel the anger and helping it through a difficult time. It does not mean trying to stop being angry. Related Read: Online Meditation Course: 8 Weeks Mindfulness Meditation Begin A Practice Of Self-Awareness & Well-Being With Our Free E-Book ‘First Few Steps To Mindfulness’ Click Here Frequently Asked Questions How can anger impact my daily life? While anger is a normal healthy emotion, it can damage many areas of your life if you experience and express anger in an unhealthy way. Anger can impair social connections, your professional life, and many other areas of your life as it can cause strained relationships and misunderstandings. Can I eliminate anger from my life? Anger is an emotion that is essential for your survival, like the positive emotions of happiness and joy. The goal shouldn’t be to eliminate anger, but to create space for it and be comfortable with the experience of anger, and to find ways to manage it in a healthy way. When should I seek professional help for my anger issues? If you feel like your anger is impacting many areas of your life, and is causing issues in your relationships, and affecting your well-being, it is best to consult a mental health professional like a psychologist/ counselor to understand the concern and learn ways to manage anger. About the Author This article was written by Simran Sharma, Counselor at Inner Space. This post was consulted & approved by professional therapists practicing online therapy and counseling. Ask a Therapist If you are interested to know more about managing anger and other mental health topics, ‘Ask A Therapist’ is a platform for you to ask your questions related to Mental Health, Mindfulness & Emotional Well-Being to our team of qualified Therapists. Ask a Therapist Related Blogs Coping With Anxiety Using Mindfulness How To Practice Mindfulness Meditation? Benefits Of Mindfulness

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RECOGNIZING YOUR TRIGGERS : A TECHNIQUE TO CONTROL ANGER

If you are easily upset, angry or worried, chances are that you often try to control your emotions but they just burst forth, drenching and even drowning you in their strong gush. We all have those moments when we feel like we just cannot deal with our feelings and life seems just too much to cope with. Everything from the demanding boss to the rebellious child to the overcrowded trains gets to you, rubbing you in all the wrong ways and you find yourself losing your cool. How would you rather like to be? We would all like to be stronger and know better how control our anger. I’m sure that’s what you try to do every time too. However, more often than not, controlling anger is something that is easier said than done. How easy is it to keep calm and be rational when you feel like breaking things and screaming out or when you’re in the middle of a nervous breakdown? Managing Anger by Recognizing your ‘Triggers’ : A Step by Step Technique The first requirement in order to control anger better is knowing yourself better. You can then apply this knowledge and understanding to make life easier. A very important and often overlooked aspect of learning to manage anger is understanding what it is that makes this management difficult in the first place. What is it that is agitating you so much? We all have triggers, those sore/touchy spots which always manage to rile us, so we need to learn to work our way through them. Imagine yourself covered with a whole lot of buttons. Whenever anyone pushes one of these it triggers a strong emotional reaction and you end up reacting badly, losing control. Dealing with this sensitivity would be a 3 step process: 1. Identify your triggers : What makes you Angry? Doing the following exercise on paper would greatly help. Think back to the last few times you had an angry outburst and note: – What caused it? – What happened before it? What were the events leading upto it? – What else happened that day? – Who were the people involved in the conflict? – How were u feeling? Even if u cannot remember about the previous episodes, start making this list for the next few weeks. Patterns will emerge, providing you insight and access to your buttons. 2. Avoid your triggers So now that you have identified what it is that irritates you so much, work your way around it. If the traffic gets on your nerves, leave early. You can use the extra time to finish pending work or catch up on your reading. If being late makes you anxious and irritable, learn to be punctual and avoid procrastinating. You will be able to keep your cool much more if you are relaxed. If it is your partner’s tendency to nag which is upsetting you, talk to him/her about it. Try to solve the issue. If your wife or parent is repeatedly asking you to get a task done, just finish it in the first time so you don’t have to listen to it again and again, you know you’re going to have to do it eventually. 3. Address Deeper Emotional Problems If your anger seems to be stemming from deeper emotional issues, it needs to be addressed properly. If you see yourself getting angry when people don’t listen to you or don’t do as you want, check if you’re feeling disrespected or powerless. If you detest being told what to do, check for issues with authority. Do you find yourself thinking like ‘they always do this’, ‘he just doesn’t care’ or ‘why should I care when she doesn’t’? Most likely, you are storing past emotional hurt which gets relived on these occasions. It’s best to tackle such issues head on so they don’t have the power to affect you so much. While you can try to figure it out with a friend, guidance from elders in the family or even a counselor would help you greatly. Your triggers may have contributed to your difficulties controlling anger. However, recognizing and dealing with them, patiently and with perseverance, can build your inner emotional strength, helping you handle anger healthily. Post contributed by: Mahima Gupta (Psychologist, Inner Space, 2010-2012).

controlling anger

Dealing with Anger Mindfully

RECOGNIZING YOUR TRIGGERS : A TECHNIQUE TO CONTROL ANGER

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