Revisiting the concept of love
Over the years, the concept of soulmates has been smeared and airbrushed into unrealistic levels of love and companionship. Many of us find ourselves absorbing the idea of love by social media, listening to romantic songs, reading Mills & Boons, or watching cheesy mushy movies. This is what love has popularly come to mean. Nonetheless, love is more than just a warm fuzzy feeling in one’s heart or a state of mind and for this reason, it requires effort and action.
There will be days where you or your partner may not experience that warm fuzzy feeling for one another and that’s alright. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship is going downhill. It just goes to show that you are two individuals who are in love, trying to make the most of your lives by focusing on either family, work, or academia.
Being a team
Knowing that you have someone to emotionally lean on or a partner you go home to every day can make you get complacent in a relationship. This is also a time when partners often stop making an effort to make the other person feel special. Unfortunately, this gives rise to feelings of being taken for granted and may result in misunderstandings, doubts, and arguments. There will be ups and downs, good and bad days in your relationship.
It gets easy when you and your special someone are on the same team during good as well as bad days. Being in sync with each other during bad times can be challenging but can be worked on. This also goes to show that you love your partner enough to let everything else take a back seat while making him or her your focus of attention.
In the first throes of companionship, you may find your partner’s qualities flawless; someone who perfectly matches the perception you had of a significant other. Bit by bit, however, you then discover that in reality, they are after all, human and fallible. Idealize your partner by all means, but a little awareness at the back of your mind of them having ‘feet of clay’ will keep things real and authentic. This applies to you as well since you both are human. Partners may forget to turn off the bathroom light often or might end up ruining their significant other’s favourite food. Either way, it’s okay!
Agree to disagree
Arguments, whether you like them or not, are a part of relationships. In times like these, contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and withdrawal can drive a wedge between you and your significant other. It’s better to be wary of them during difficult times as this only makes partners shut down and potentially isolates them from having a meaningful human relationship.
No relationship is perfect and your partner can’t read your mind. That’s why a little understanding of your realistic expectations and conveying them respectfully will go a long way. It doesn’t matter if you argue, it’s the ‘way you do’ that matters.
watch this video on 'relationships as a spiritual practice'
I goofed up!
In a romantic relationship, “sorry” need not be the hardest word. Some people find it challenging to apologise and admit that they were wrong. Therefore, owning up to your mistake from time to time will help you keep the relationship boat afloat. Romance and passion do bring people together but compromise and respect will keep you there.
Take home message
On some days things might not go your way. That’s the time to take a step back and ask yourself how important are those things when it comes to your relationship.
We are so stuck in the narrative of being in a perfect relationship that anything less than that doesn’t seem a good enough option for us.
Try and create a reservoir of good times and revisit them whenever possible. Pause, take a moment to also recognize that bad times are okay too as long as you’re not in an abusive relationship.
Love together, stay together.
Here’s wishing you and your partner, love, and togetherness this Valentine’s Day! 😊
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