Come March 8th and the focus and attention is on women. They’ve had their share of struggles in the past to get an equal footing with men. The issues they tackled were umpteen. The battle continues and the pressure still looms. Women have and continue to take things in their stride and move through life. …
Women’s Day: The Quiet Difficulties That Men and Women Go Through Read More »
The way you were brought up, the experiences you had with your parents and even your peer groups play a very important role in shaping you. You may have some complaints about your parents. You may even have some grudge against your parents that has stayed with you for years. Maybe your parents did not …
Have a Long Standing Grudge Against Your Parents? Read More »
Yesterday, we spoke about how consciously taking care of your emotional health goes a long way in nurturing and strengthening yourself.
Today, we address a slightly deeper issue.
What happens when sometimes, you feel stuck at an impasse? When you know internally that something is not quite okay… that you’re feeling a certain way and you don’t want to continue feeling like that?
You try to resolve it. Yes, it’s good to do that. You’d try and check what’s going wrong; you’d try to correct it.
What happens if still, those stresses or feelings don’t get better? Then what do you do? Turn to friends, family and other people you can trust. This is also good. People who know us act as sounding boards and support us.
But sometimes, even after talking to them, you feel that things are still not okay; like there are some knots that are entangled, and just won’t loosen up.
What then would you do?
Most of you may have come across a child who is naughty and stubborn, who tends to be insistent on getting his way, so much that people have to give in to what he wants much of the time. Some of you may even live with one such child in your family. This article is an attempt to unravel what such a child thinks, feels and needs. There is a further article here that elaborates on how parents and caregivers can better understand and deal with these children.
Stubborn children get noticed in most places – at home for sure, also at school, at play, even in public places and restaurants at times, much to their parents’ despair. It is easy to notice them; however, is it as easy to understand them?
Stubbornness and difficult behavior have their own way of functioning. They exist in the child for a reason. Until this reason is understood, children cannot be helped completely to change these behaviors. What’s more, if these reasons are not understood and appreciated, well meaning parents and teachers can do more harm than good to the child.
I invite you here to-
Take a Peek into the Stubborn Child
This is a question I am often asked by parents in therapy.
‘How to react if the child throws a temper tantrum?’
If you are a parent, you probably have been through this dilemma and resolved it. Or maybe you are going through it at present.
Some children find it easier to adjust when things don’t go their way. They may occasionally cry or fuss a little, but they’re largely open to adjusting.
Some children find it extremely difficult to make such an adjustment. They tend to get very upset when things don’t go their way. They may cry loudly, shout and insist that their demand be met with. The more you deny them what they want, the more they cry and the temper tantrum aggravates. Ultimately, you reach a place where you don’t know how to react.
In such a scenario, what is better? To fulfill the child’s demand or say no?
If you are easily upset, angry or worried, chances are that you often try to control your emotions but they just burst forth, drenching and even drowning you in their strong gush. We all have those moments when we feel like we just cannot deal with our feelings and life seems just too much to …
RECOGNIZING YOUR TRIGGERS : A TECHNIQUE TO CONTROL ANGER Read More »
If you find yourself getting angry and irritated easily and are ready to ‘give it back’ most of the time, you are also probably quite bottled up inside. Few people seem to understand you and most brand you as an ‘angry teen’. You may have tried ‘controlling your anger’ and ‘being less angry’ but may not have succeeded to your satisfaction (and those of others). Often, what we do to manage aggression is try “not to get angry” even when we are actually angered. Think about it. It’s like mom is repeatedly saying something to you, you’re fuming within but try to “be calm” and mask your anger. No wonder then that you end up snapping or yelling at her despite not wanting to. What we actually doing here is ‘controlling’ or attempting to suppress our anger. It’s like trying to shut an overstuffed suitcase. Suppression is never healthy, it only breeds sadness, frustration and makes us feel that the people around us are unfair.
Some of us in our teens are ‘cool under pressure’, ‘cool as a cucumber’ or ‘chilled out’. Some of us are hot-tempered, short-tempered or easily angered. If you are one of those who identify with the second set of descriptors, life could get a tad bit difficult. Losing one’s cool is never a pleasant feeling. You may get persistently described as short-tempered, stubborn and argumentative. Moreover, over a period of time, others almost stop bothering to find out why you are angry and what has hurt you. Its almost like, ‘this chap/girl is forever angry so forget it.’ At such a time it may start to feel like people are just mocking you or they just don’t care….and wait, its not over yet.
Those of us who have children who are irritable and easily angered probably wonder why they are so short-tempered, why they snap back for everything we say and just WHY they are so aggressive. Most of the reasons we manage to think about center around stubbornness, immaturity, peer pressure, deriving pleasure out of rebellion and an irresponsible approach to life. Naturally, our approach towards correcting such behaviors stem from these reasons. We chide our children, give them repeated instructions and make repeated attempts to get them to obey and conform. However, if you have noticed, these may not have worked. You may see that your child still continues to defy and disobey. In fact, most of you may notice that the more you try to correct your child, the more defiant and oppositional your child becomes.
Forgiveness is often seen and dismissed as a virtue of the saintly. Most people cling dearly to their anger, pain and sense of injustice. The choice of not forgiving might temporarily give you a sense of power – power to condemn, power to judge and hold the other person guilty, power of righteously being holier than thou. However, going one level deeper, one sees just how hollow and fictitious this power is. You are actually giving away your power, allowing the opposite person to push your buttons at will, to make you writhe in agony or cry in pain at a whim.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
A young woman from another country moved with her family to live for one year in a town near the monastery. When, in the course of the year she discovered the monastery, she would periodically visit to have discussions with the Abbess. The Abbess introduced her to meditation, which became very meaningful for the young woman.
When the family’s year-long stay was drawing to an end, the young woman asked the Abbess, “In my country there is no Buddhism and no one has even heard about meditation. How can I continue to learn and deepen the practice you have started me on?”
The Abbess said, “When you return home ask far and wide for who, among the wise people, is recognized as having the greatest ability to listen. Ask that person to instruct you in the art of listening. What you learn about listening from such a person will teach you how to further your meditation practice.
― Gil Fronsdal, A Monastery Within: Tales from the Buddhist Path
