Why don’t you ever listen?
You just don’t understand me!
Why are you always late?
You must study or you won’t score well
You are of no help at all!
You are so insensitive, you just don’t care, you don’t love me!
Are these statements you have faced at one time or the other? How did it make you feel? How did you respond to it? Did it make you want to listen and cooperate? Or did it feel like an accusation?
I was introduced to Emotional Freedom Techniques [EFT] as part of my course in Integrated Clinical Hypnotherapy and have been fascinated with it ever since. Further training in the AAMET certified advanced EFT helped in revealing multiple effective ways of application. It’s a simple technique which effectively heals everything from negativity, stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, fears, addictions and cravings to aches and pains among many others. This technique is being effectively applied world-wide and is now beginning to create an impact in India as well.
‘I strive to be perfect!! Well, not always; but there are a few areas where I seek perfection.’ Such areas could be studies, one’s appearance or work related projects. Perfectionism in one or more areas is a trait some of us identify with. We want a perfect state of mind before we begin work and a smooth, perfect route to task completion. The question I want to raise here is – Does the quest for perfection help or hurt? You might say, “both”.
My next question would be, “does it hurt more than it helps?” Wait a minute, you don’t have to answer me immediately.
I’d like you to take a few minutes though and think about this before you continue reading. It is an important question for you.
We all have dreams. We have a multitude of wishes. Most of us want a life that is at least a little if not very different from the one we’re living now. A better brighter reality. There’s a lot that we want, but unfortunately don’t always manage to achieve. Why so? Why don’t dreams turn into reality?
To create the reality that we want, we first need to dream it. You can’t consciously create what you can’t imagine.
The first and perhaps the most crucial step in achieving what you want is understanding what it is that you really want. Sounds simple to the extent of being silly does it?
A good number of us watch our children run from one tuition class to another. Then they have school homework, tuition homework, school tests and tuition tests to take care of. Moreover, children today also go to a number of extracurricular or activity classes. They sure learn how to multitask early on! Parents are divided in their opinion of this trend. While some of us feel it is the order of the day, some others think it disturbs the natural experience of ‘childhood’. I wanted to share with you some questions which if you ask yourselves may help to you gain more clarity as to whether a particular extra class is healthy or unhealthy for the child’s development.
“To take the first step in faith, you don’t have to see the whole staircase: just take the first step.” – Martin Luther King
We all have goals – personal, professional, spiritual. I often help people define clear goals, which would help them get a clear picture of what it is that they really want and would in turn help fine-tune their efforts to achieve the same. Making goal lists or vision boards helps immensely in giving your pursuits and life some structure.
However, for some of us the goal list itself can be fear inducing. The goals may seem beyond reach and we may find ourselves in the tight grip of anxiety and distress because achievement of the goals doesn’t seem possible. This may be stemming out of low confidence, inadequate resources, lack of discipline or even just procrastination. The target may seem too high up on the peak and the path too treacherous to undertake.
As parents, we are naturally concerned about our children. We want them to have a bright future and be self sufficient. Anything that we see as taking the child away from this prospect worries us. We worry, fret and spend considerable time and energy correcting the child. “Don’t do this, it’s bad for you.” “Why don’t you listen to me?”, “I’m saying this for your good and nobody else’s!!” are some statements you would probably connect with. At times, we happen to spend ALL our time with the child in correcting him/her. We consider it our duty to mould them right. Hence, many of us would be constantly on the lookout for the negative behavior, be it disinterest in studies, lack of social interaction, excessive viewing of television, argumentativeness or aggression. Every repetition of that behavior frustrates us and we chide and scold our children or maybe even beat them. However, a good number of times, our child continues to engage in the negative behavior. Therefore, is the current approach you are using effective? What is going wrong here?
Anxiety – that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach, making you uneasy and jittery.. what causes that? Why do we get anxious?
A good chunk of the answer to this lies in our thought processes. We often have recurrent patterns of thought that cause, contribute to or maintain anxiety. Some such thoughts are described in this blog.
Play. A word that is synonymous with setting the mind free, using imagination and almost creating a new world. However, today, we are increasingly turning to electronic games to fill in most of our play time. Video games and the like are certainly entertaining and stimulating. With advanced technology and thrilling effects, they sure give us an adrenaline rush! However, forms of conventional or traditional play can also offer us a number of psychological benefits in addition to physical benefits. We could be missing out on a world of good that our good old indoor board games, outdoor games and imaginative play could do to us. Wonder how? Let’s explore.
Anxiety can be described as a state where one experiences symptoms that are bodily, emotional, behavioural and cognitive (involving thought and mental processes). Tension, worry, nervousness and apprehension are some of the words commonly used to describe anxiety.
We have all experienced anxiety, be it in the form of nervousness before going up on stage, tension for exam, apprehension about a decision, worry for our kids or stress for an office presentation. Anxiety can range from being mildly discomforting to severely debilitating and if not dealt with properly can manifest as disorders that negatively affect your daily lives.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
We specialize in combining psychotherapy with deep wellness practices like mindfulness and meditation and creating a customized mental health plan for individuals and organisations.
A young woman from another country moved with her family to live for one year in a town near the monastery. When, in the course of the year she discovered the monastery, she would periodically visit to have discussions with the Abbess. The Abbess introduced her to meditation, which became very meaningful for the young woman.
When the family’s year-long stay was drawing to an end, the young woman asked the Abbess, “In my country there is no Buddhism and no one has even heard about meditation. How can I continue to learn and deepen the practice you have started me on?”
The Abbess said, “When you return home ask far and wide for who, among the wise people, is recognized as having the greatest ability to listen. Ask that person to instruct you in the art of listening. What you learn about listening from such a person will teach you how to further your meditation practice.
― Gil Fronsdal, A Monastery Within: Tales from the Buddhist Path
